Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

lostmongoose

Offline (the 07/19/2014 at 4:39am) | Search for a member

lostmongoose

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1029
  • Number of comments : 37
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About lostmongoose : I'm a lurker, and have been lurking around FML for over a year maybe 2. I skulk about the FMLs and comments favoriting and thumbing. Rarely leaving a trace of my ever being there. And in real life I'm an art major, so yeah, there's that.

lostmongoose's page activity

Visits<b>k_gils</b> - the 07/26/2014 at 3:52pm<b>Welshite</b> - the 07/18/2014 at 11:01pm<b>Jazzyw1997</b> - the 12/17/2013 at 11:36am<b>Not_Creative</b> - the 12/16/2013 at 8:38pm<b>onlyme25</b> - the 10/21/2013 at 1:30am<b>RedX1000FML</b> - the 09/15/2013 at 12:38am<b>jjames267</b> - the 09/13/2013 at 11:37pm<b>paige146622</b> - the 09/11/2013 at 10:52pm<b>crazytrainer</b> - the 09/11/2013 at 5:40pm<b>graceinsheepwear</b> - the 09/11/2013 at 5:21pm<b>Lauren2490</b> - the 09/11/2013 at 11:37am<b>Wiz_Of_Oz</b> - the 09/11/2013 at 8:30am<b>MikeonFML</b> - the 09/11/2013 at 8:11am<b>babybunnypinkeye</b> - the 09/11/2013 at 4:43am<b>Trollx</b> - the 09/09/2013 at 1:58pm<b>PresAgent</b> - the 08/15/2013 at 4:53pm<b>neeni88</b> - the 08/15/2013 at 4:15pm<b>prettychic2001</b> - the 08/15/2013 at 3:05pm

lostmongoose's FML badges

Tweet, tweet

You have shared 20 FMLs on Twitter, your followers love you and we can understand why.

The rules are the rules

Reading the comment rules is a really good idea. This badge is sponsored by our moderating team.

Beginner

You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.

See all of lostmongoose's badges

lostmongoose's favorite FMLs

Today, I was buying ingredients for a salad. I had only picked up a few cucumbers, when an elderly lady came up to me and murmured, "Make sure you use lots of lube, or that'll hurt. Been there, sweetheart." What the HELL? FML

#20817265
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56664) - you deserved it (5506)

On 08/02/2013 at 4:23pm - misc - by um... what the fuck, miss? (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I went out and met somebody. We got talking and we both realized we are each the ideal romantic partner for the other. The only problem is we are both straight men. FML

#20809215
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49963) - you deserved it (7411)

On 07/29/2013 at 2:35am - love - by confusedmofo - Indonesia

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me after 4 perfectly happy years together. The reason? He had a dream in which his dead former girlfriend from when he was 13 told him she still loved him. He now believes his dead childhood sweetheart is trying to contact him and I'm "in the way of their love." FML

#20805936
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58031) - you deserved it (4135)

On 07/27/2013 at 3:56am - love - by Immaculatedream (woman) - New Zealand

Today, my sister backed out of my wedding because it was becoming too much about me. After I begged her to reconsider, I had no choice but to pick a new bridesmaid. When my new bridesmaid posted on Facebook how excited she was, my sister commented, "See, you made HER feel special." FML

#20802578
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49685) - you deserved it (3541)

On 07/25/2013 at 6:55am - misc - by chumpslolo - United States (Ohio)

Today, my dentist dropped dead of a heart attack. This depressing event was made worse by the fact that he collapsed while his hands were in my mouth. FML

Today, my girlfriend guilted me into roleplaying as Justin Bieber before and during sex. I now feel physically ill. FML

#20788707
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61442) - you deserved it (21909)

On 07/17/2013 at 4:27pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was playing Monopoly with my kids. It was fun, and led to some mock fights. My neighbor, who despises me for being a single mother, used it as an excuse to call the cops on me for "abusing" my kids. They were too confused to do anything but nod at the officer's accusing questions. FML

#20779851
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50125) - you deserved it (3195)

On 07/13/2013 at 12:16pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Puerto Rico

Today, I got lost, and eventually noticed that I'd passed by the same house a few times. Apparently somebody who lives on that street noticed as well, because the next time I passed by, the police were waiting for me. FML

#20776976
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43845) - you deserved it (3912)

On 07/12/2013 at 12:36am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, as part of my veterinary degree, I had to demonstrate how to jerk off a dog in front of my entire class. Afterwards, the lecturer said that I have the 'magic touch'. FML

#20775868
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57643) - you deserved it (6810)

On 07/11/2013 at 11:18am - work - by vet1 (man) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, I got mauled by some wild animals and had to get my butt cheek stitched up. The embarrassment doesn't end there though; the animals in question were kittens. The nurses on duty laughed and the entire ward found out. FML

#20770807
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42075) - you deserved it (6361)

On 07/08/2013 at 4:00pm - animals - by richardmrcs (man) - United Kingdom (Bradford)

Today, my boyfriend and I went to my parents' barbecue. He knew my family is extremely religious, so what did he do? Called for silence to make an announcement, namely: "God isn't real." Cue a riot that ended in us being kicked out and me all but disowned for "putting him up to it". FML

#20765683
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42453) - you deserved it (7126)

On 07/05/2013 at 6:29pm - misc - by he's a dawk, and a cunt (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I discovered that when my husband agreed to donate sperm so an infertile friend and his wife could have children, there was nothing "artificial" about the insemination. FML

#20762781
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63817) - you deserved it (5534)

On 07/04/2013 at 12:41am - intimacy - by OnPlanetVenus (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, while waitressing, I had a huge party. When everything was said and done I saw the tip they left me. It said on a napkin, "You're pretty. You can't put a value on a compliment." And that was it. I wish compliments paid the rent. FML

Today, I finally unfriended my roommate's mom on Facebook after months of her commenting on my wall multiple times a day and basically stalking me. After discovering this, she drove to our apartment to demand through hysterical tears that my roommate move out because I can't be trusted. FML

Today, I was teasing my 6-year-old sister about having a boyfriend. I asked her, "Did he take his shirt off?" She promptly said no. A few minutes later, she said, "But he did take his pants off." I then asked why. She said, "To show me his penis." FML

#20743211
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53351) - you deserved it (7857)

On 06/23/2013 at 7:36pm - kids - by joe - United States (Maryland)



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #1: Getting there
  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: