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lostmongoose

Offline (the 07/19/2014 at 4:39am) | Search for a member

lostmongoose

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1020
  • Number of comments : 37
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About lostmongoose : I'm a lurker, and have been lurking around FML for over a year maybe 2. I skulk about the FMLs and comments favoriting and thumbing. Rarely leaving a trace of my ever being there. And in real life I'm an art major, so yeah, there's that.

lostmongoose's page activity

Visits<b>k_gils</b> - the 07/26/2014 at 3:52pm<b>Welshite</b> - the 07/18/2014 at 11:01pm<b>Jazzyw1997</b> - the 12/17/2013 at 11:36am<b>Not_Creative</b> - the 12/16/2013 at 8:38pm<b>onlyme25</b> - the 10/21/2013 at 1:30am<b>RedX1000FML</b> - the 09/15/2013 at 12:38am<b>jjames267</b> - the 09/13/2013 at 11:37pm<b>paige146622</b> - the 09/11/2013 at 10:52pm<b>crazytrainer</b> - the 09/11/2013 at 5:40pm<b>graceinsheepwear</b> - the 09/11/2013 at 5:21pm<b>Lauren2490</b> - the 09/11/2013 at 11:37am<b>Wiz_Of_Oz</b> - the 09/11/2013 at 8:30am<b>MikeonFML</b> - the 09/11/2013 at 8:11am<b>babybunnypinkeye</b> - the 09/11/2013 at 4:43am<b>Trollx</b> - the 09/09/2013 at 1:58pm<b>PresAgent</b> - the 08/15/2013 at 4:53pm<b>neeni88</b> - the 08/15/2013 at 4:15pm<b>prettychic2001</b> - the 08/15/2013 at 3:05pm

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lostmongoose's favorite FMLs

Today, while sitting on my front porch, my cat came up beside me. I started idly stroking her, only to turn and realize I was petting a wild raccoon. FML

#21206318
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42707) - you deserved it (7881)

On 07/11/2014 at 7:38pm - animals - by and god shat (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my boyfriend said that he doesn't have to marry me because we coincidentally have the same last name. FML

#21200981
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43409) - you deserved it (4947)

On 07/06/2014 at 9:27pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had to go pick up my kid, because he threw up while playing at his friend's house. The boy's mother bitched me out for not keeping my son at home while he was "ill". Her breath was unspeakably foul. So foul that it caused me to throw up too. FML

#21192088
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47750) - you deserved it (3496)

On 06/29/2014 at 12:16am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I came home and saw my cat all snuggled up with another cat on the sofa. I thought it was the cutest thing ever, until I remembered that I only have one cat. FML

#21191841
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41490) - you deserved it (4594)

On 06/28/2014 at 8:09pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my wife bought a strap-on. I'm about fifty miles beyond terrified. FML

#21184387
261 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54486) - you deserved it (7689)

On 06/22/2014 at 4:34pm - intimacy - by possibly fucked (man) - Portugal (Lisboa)

Today, my friends thought it would be funny to slip a condom under my pillow at boot camp. The staff found out, I got bitched out for 30 minutes straight, and now I have to put a condom on the grip of any rifle I'm issued for a week. My new callsign is "Love Glove". FML

#21183341
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42412) - you deserved it (4381)

On 06/21/2014 at 5:42pm - misc - by LoveGlove (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, we had a guy come into the hospital with a carrot stuck deep in his anus. I've heard all kinds of ridiculous cover stories, but his took the cake; he claimed the phone rang while he was showering and he slipped onto a box of vegetables. Guess who had to extract the carrot. FML

#21179512
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51875) - you deserved it (4562)

On 06/18/2014 at 3:06pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I learned the valuable lesson that taking care of a baby crow isn't the best idea. He finally can fly away, but sits on my porch all day cawing for food. FML

#21179030
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35209) - you deserved it (11806)

On 06/18/2014 at 2:37am - animals - by a very unlucky dude. - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my daughter told me that she liked her "other daddy" better. I don't know who's she talking about, but my wife is doing a good job telling her to be quiet. FML

#21177000
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56159) - you deserved it (3937)

On 06/16/2014 at 5:38pm - kids - by FirstDaddy (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, some pig slapped my ass as he passed me in the street, then looked back at me with a dirty grin. His grin turned to horror when he realized that I'm actually a guy, then to anger as he bitched me out for "tricking" him by "looking like a chick". FML

#21167190
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56167) - you deserved it (6779)

On 06/08/2014 at 2:32pm - misc - by 404: sense not found (man) - United States (California)

Today, my students turned in their male figure artwork. One absolute idiot had the smart idea of drawing me and the TA as some kind of gay lovers. I was torn between disgust at the explicitness, anger at the disrespect, and yet awe at how well-drawn it was. FML

#21165062
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42142) - you deserved it (6152)

On 06/06/2014 at 3:00pm - work - by confusing (man) - Zimbabwe

Today, I clogged my girlfriend's toilet, so being a gentleman, I tried to rectify the situation. I plunged the holy fuck out of that damned toilet, only for her to accuse me of jacking off because I was taking so long. When she stormed in and the smell hit her, she called me a pig. I just can't win. FML

#21159437
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46776) - you deserved it (4936)

On 06/01/2014 at 2:34pm - misc - by shart up, your puns suck (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to my wife muttering "God, I want you so bad". Figuring she was either talking to me or longing for the second cumming of Christ, I turned over to see which. Turned out she was rubbing one out to some guy's Facebook photos on her phone. FML

#21157398
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57494) - you deserved it (6339)

On 05/30/2014 at 6:05pm - intimacy - by lahiros (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my husband and I announced at a family get-together that I'm pregnant with our fourth child. My dad sighed, and spent the rest of the evening acting moody and eventually muttering about how he'd raised a "damned brood mare." FML

#21144074
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38549) - you deserved it (9186)

On 05/18/2014 at 3:14pm - misc - by Anonyname (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I was chewed out by a lady who claimed the laptop she bought wouldn't turn on, and that she wanted a refund. She yelled and shoved the laptop at me, not even listening when I told her I didn't even work at that store. FML

#21143801
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49616) - you deserved it (3879)

On 05/18/2014 at 10:14am - misc - by lemongrab (woman) - Canada



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