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lordslaya53

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lordslaya53

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 6 June 1995 (19 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1753
  • Number of comments : 43
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 10 posted

About lordslaya53 : I'm in a metal band called Abstract Asylum based out of Calgary Canada! Check us out on facebook :)

lordslaya53's page activity

Visits<b>Helpfulman</b> - the 06/22/2014 at 7:23pm<b>nolive</b> - the 06/21/2014 at 3:50pm<b>IzzyInWonderland</b> - the 06/18/2014 at 11:34pm<b>XxxEmoAngelxxX</b> - the 05/04/2014 at 1:29pm<b>zeriously95</b> - the 04/20/2014 at 6:40pm<b>krupa1017</b> - the 04/19/2014 at 6:39pm<b>GreentacoDerp</b> - the 04/16/2014 at 7:10pm<b>Hilda_x</b> - the 04/05/2014 at 11:49pm<b>JBChristian</b> - the 04/05/2014 at 10:45pm<b>paigexox0</b> - the 04/05/2014 at 10:35pm<b>Pinkraincoat</b> - the 04/05/2014 at 10:35pm<b>HeyTherexxx</b> - the 04/05/2014 at 10:24pm<b>TdotMaria</b> - the 04/05/2014 at 9:19pm<b>macho_nacho</b> - the 03/25/2014 at 12:42pm<b>Mr_Saikaly</b> - the 03/04/2014 at 5:43am<b>mnie</b> - the 02/19/2014 at 7:03pm<b>BumbleChick</b> - the 01/05/2014 at 10:51am<b>Tomgirl_Julie</b> - the 12/28/2013 at 4:07pm

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lordslaya53's favorite FMLs

Today, my virginal girlfriend of a year graduated from veterinary school. She can shove her arm shoulder-deep up a cow's ass without blinking, but still feels too insecure to even touch my penis. FML

#20596452
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64848) - you deserved it (16875)

On 04/16/2013 at 1:44pm - intimacy - by Gurior - Canada

Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML

#20582197
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46680) - you deserved it (4824)

On 04/09/2013 at 2:01pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found an invisible ink pen. I drew on my arms, thinking nobody would see it. I had an allergic reaction to the ink, and I now have three very large, very visible, red penises on my forearm. FML

#20579781
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13656) - you deserved it (55109)

On 04/07/2013 at 8:30pm - health - by maturity - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my dad had a little too much to drink. When he's that drunk, he likes to pepper me with a lot of random questions. He asked if I've ever tried hard drugs, and if I want to die. I answered no to both of the questions, and he demanded to know why not. FML

#20577504
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28090) - you deserved it (2427)

On 04/06/2013 at 1:06pm - misc - by yeah why not (woman) - Norway

Today, I walked in on my husband eating cat food out of the cat bowl dressed in a cat costume. FML

#20577178
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51062) - you deserved it (5634)

On 04/06/2013 at 7:42am - misc - by confusedcatlover (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I came home from a relaxing, peaceful vacation. When I got home my 4-year-old son was free-balling with poop all over his body, screaming "Bob the Builder will kick your ass." The baby sitter is nowhere to be found and I can't get him to stop saying, "I love ass." FML

#20562056
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35599) - you deserved it (3760)

On 03/27/2013 at 4:00am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend decided we are to the point in our relationship that it's considered acceptable to take a dump while I'm in there showering. FML

Today, I was helping my father-in-law out at a family barbecue. Somehow, the topic turned to grand-children, at which point I confessed that my wife has been having trouble conceiving. His response was to boom: "Sure you've been putting it in the right hole, son?!" FML

#20541069
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29333) - you deserved it (3199)

On 03/12/2013 at 6:43pm - kids - by um... maybe (man) - United Kingdom

Today, since I hadn't eaten and was about to have a three hour class, I bought Panda Express. I sat opposite my classroom to eat. Soon after I started eating, a wad of saliva dropped into my bowl, and I heard someone yell "BONUS POINTS!" from the second floor. FML

Today, I woke to find my laptop and printer covered in what smells like pee. My boyfriend then confessed to me that he occasionally "sleep-pees". It's like sleepwalking, but where he urinates on random objects. FML

#20538947
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26623) - you deserved it (1702)

On 03/11/2013 at 12:09am - misc - by marcymoo - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, after my 5-year-old finally got over his grandmother's death, we went to a store and saw a lady that looked exactly like her. She came up to us asking if we saw her grandson; I can't get my son to stop freaking out. FML

#20535134
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35387) - you deserved it (2059)

On 03/07/2013 at 8:55pm - kids - by Maxie - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was taking a peaceful stroll in the local park when a curious turkey decided to follow me. Trying to shoo it away, I swung my leg at it, as if to fake kick it. Being the stupid animal it is, it decided to fly into my leg as I swung, causing my foot to connect to its neck. It died. FML

#20529231
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20406) - you deserved it (42897)

On 03/03/2013 at 9:40am - animals - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was at my class's band concert. Before the curtain was raised, I helped haul the piano to a different spot so a girl who would've had to stand behind it could be seen. I said, "There, now your mom can see you play!" She responded with, "My mom's blind." FML

#20527693
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30630) - you deserved it (3290)

On 03/02/2013 at 1:22am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I had to sneak out of work early to pick my 14-year-old son up from school. He and a friend had been found covered in Astroglide, racing each other down the corridor on their bellies. My boss noticed my absence from work, and now my son and I are both on suspension. FML

#20526049
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26580) - you deserved it (8630)

On 02/28/2013 at 7:15pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I gave birth to my daughter in a hospital corridor. The nurse who took me to my room afterward tried to comfort me by saying there've been worse incidents; she said that two years ago, a lady gave birth in the parking lot. That was me too. FML

#20521872
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53944) - you deserved it (4317) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/25/2013 at 2:47pm - health - by laprochainefoisjerestealamaison (woman) - France (Languedoc-Roussillon)



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