About lordslaya53 : I'm in a metal band called Abstract Asylum based out of Calgary Canada! Check us out on facebook :)
It’s in the can
Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
I agree, their lives suck
200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.
Today, I was hanging out with some friends, and I had to take a dump. After I was done, I realized there was no more toilet paper, so I asked my friends to get me some. They threw in duct tape, sandpaper, and saran wrap, and told me to make a decision. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44918) - you deserved it (7240)
On 04/22/2013 at 2:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend that taking triple the maximum dosage of painkillers won't actually triple its effects. She rolled her eyes, called me clueless, and said that I should "leave this stuff to the professionals." She's studying to become a doctor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36580) - you deserved it (4947)
On 04/21/2013 at 1:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Kuwait (Al Kuwayt)
Today, my virginal girlfriend of a year graduated from veterinary school. She can shove her arm shoulder-deep up a cow's ass without blinking, but still feels too insecure to even touch my penis. FML
I agree, your life sucks (57272) - you deserved it (14385)
Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML
I agree, your life sucks (40755) - you deserved it (4305)
On 04/09/2013 at 2:01pm - health - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I found an invisible ink pen. I drew on my arms, thinking nobody would see it. I had an allergic reaction to the ink, and I now have three very large, very visible, red penises on my forearm. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12039) - you deserved it (44946)
On 04/07/2013 at 8:30pm - health - by maturity - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, my dad had a little too much to drink. When he's that drunk, he likes to pepper me with a lot of random questions. He asked if I've ever tried hard drugs, and if I want to die. I answered no to both of the questions, and he demanded to know why not. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25126) - you deserved it (1709)
On 04/06/2013 at 1:06pm - misc - by yeah why not (woman) - Norway
Today, I walked in on my husband eating cat food out of the cat bowl dressed in a cat costume. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45739) - you deserved it (4137)
On 04/06/2013 at 7:42am - misc - by confusedcatlover (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)
Today, feeling tired, I snuck one of my wife's pills that she claims gives her super energy. I later found out it was our son's placenta, grounded up and made into capsules. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30156) - you deserved it (9642)
On 04/01/2013 at 12:49am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I came home from a relaxing, peaceful vacation. When I got home my 4-year-old son was free-balling with poop all over his body, screaming "Bob the Builder will kick your ass." The baby sitter is nowhere to be found and I can't get him to stop saying, "I love ass." FML
I agree, your life sucks (34578) - you deserved it (3695)
On 03/27/2013 at 4:00am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, my girlfriend decided we are to the point in our relationship that it's considered acceptable to take a dump while I'm in there showering. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26148) - you deserved it (5145)
On 03/17/2013 at 1:05am - love - by jisaac09 (man) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, I was helping my father-in-law out at a family barbecue. Somehow, the topic turned to grand-children, at which point I confessed that my wife has been having trouble conceiving. His response was to boom: "Sure you've been putting it in the right hole, son?!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (28474) - you deserved it (3147)
On 03/12/2013 at 6:43pm - kids - by um... maybe (man) - United Kingdom
Today, since I hadn't eaten and was about to have a three hour class, I bought Panda Express. I sat opposite my classroom to eat. Soon after I started eating, a wad of saliva dropped into my bowl, and I heard someone yell "BONUS POINTS!" from the second floor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30579) - you deserved it (2041)
On 03/11/2013 at 3:57pm - misc - by Sir_ND_Pity - United States (California)
Today, I woke to find my laptop and printer covered in what smells like pee. My boyfriend then confessed to me that he occasionally "sleep-pees". It's like sleepwalking, but where he urinates on random objects. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26010) - you deserved it (1664)
On 03/11/2013 at 12:09am - misc - by marcymoo - Australia (Western Australia)
Today, after my 5-year-old finally got over his grandmother's death, we went to a store and saw a lady that looked exactly like her. She came up to us asking if we saw her grandson; I can't get my son to stop freaking out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30361) - you deserved it (1249)
On 03/07/2013 at 8:55pm - kids - by Maxie - United States (Ohio)
Today, I was taking a peaceful stroll in the local park when a curious turkey decided to follow me. Trying to shoo it away, I swung my leg at it, as if to fake kick it. Being the stupid animal it is, it decided to fly into my leg as I swung, causing my foot to connect to its neck. It died. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17368) - you deserved it (32852)
On 03/03/2013 at 9:40am - animals - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)
Monday 17 June 2013
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