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lolly_bags's FML badges
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lolly_bags's favorite FMLs
Today, after buying 3 new alarm clocks, I finally decided to video tape myself all night to figure out if my alarm clock was broken or if I was oversleeping. Turns out I wake up around 4am each day and turn them off without remembering. FML
by sleepy momma / 06/02/2013 at 2:06am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, I finished a big art project. It was a self-portrait done in acrylics. Proud of my piece, I showed my mom. After some thought her first comment was, "well, I'm either going to insult your art or your face." FML
by Anonymous / 06/01/2013 at 7:43am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, at karate, my sparring partner thought it was completely okay to surprise kick me in the vagina. When he saw me doubled over in pain, he was completely surprised. Apparently, he thought that it wouldn't hurt, because I have no penis. FML
by Mayyouneverfindpleasureinavagina / 06/01/2013 at 12:31am / United States (California) / Health
Today, my mum made me take her poodle on a walk, which she'd dressed in a tiara and a pink dog dress. Being a 19-year-old guy, I was pissed. After I got home, I saw that my mom had filmed me from the window and posted it to Facebook, to everyone's great delight. FML
by Anonymous / 05/30/2013 at 4:25pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Animals
Today, while shopping for dresses, I found a really cute one that fit me really well, but not at all in the breast area. My grandma screamed "buy her some titties!" Everyone in the store looked at me. FML
by no boobies / 05/29/2013 at 12:39pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/29/2013 at 11:21am / United States / Health
by Anonymous / 05/29/2013 at 3:17am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy
Today, I was taking a bus ride home, listening to some music. The music stopped and I assumed my iPod's battery had run out. Turns out someone managed to steal it, leaving my earphones in. I didn't feel a thing. FML
by stupid / 05/27/2013 at 7:16am / Lithuania (Kauno Apskritis) / Transportation
Today, I was in bed with my fiancé. After a while of quiet cuddling, I said, "Babe, I have cold feet." He replied with, "Me too. Let's call off the wedding." I was talking about the actual temperature of my feet. Our wedding is tomorrow. FML
by anonymous / 05/26/2013 at 8:23am / Australia / Love
Today, I was out on a family walk, when I overheard two women talking to each other. One of them was wondering how a kid with such good looking parents and grandparents could be so ugly. That kid is my daughter. FML
by Kittykat900 / 05/22/2013 at 12:47pm / United Kingdom (York) / Kids
Today, and throughout the past week, my electricity, water, cable, and Internet were progressively shut off. Why? Because my deranged mother-in-law has been stealing the money orders I use to pay my bills out of my mailbox. She also stole the late notices because she didn't want me to be "mad". FML
by LightsOut / 05/21/2013 at 6:47pm / United States (Florida) / Money
by crappingrapping / 05/21/2013 at 11:01am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/17/2013 at 12:40pm / Sweden (Varmlands Lan) / Intimacy
Today, I went to the dentist to get a tooth filled. The nurse just finished taking my info when the doctor came in and started drilling. Through my chorus of screams he realized he'd forgotten to numb me. His only response was, "Guess I forgot to numb ya, huh?" while giggling. FML
by toothache / 05/14/2013 at 8:03am / United States (Illinois) / Health
by Liferuinedforever / 05/14/2013 at 3:13am / Pakistan (Sindh) / Kids