Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

lolly_bags

Offline (yesterday at 1:35pm) | Search for a member

lolly_bags

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 4373
  • Number of comments : 1
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

lolly_bags's page activity

Visits<b>Cautocracy</b> - the 03/15/2015 at 5:46am<b>dicroda</b> - the 05/29/2014 at 7:42pm<b>LeeB</b> - the 04/04/2014 at 2:25pm<b>Hannahbunzbabyz</b> - the 11/24/2013 at 10:28pm<b>tea_brewer</b> - the 09/07/2013 at 8:33pm<b>chargers2588</b> - the 09/05/2013 at 3:00pm<b>Zoeythedinosaur</b> - the 08/21/2013 at 7:38am<b>ifhydomo23</b> - the 07/24/2013 at 10:16pm<b>ZombieGuyCXV</b> - the 07/24/2013 at 6:26pm<b>jackson38</b> - the 05/17/2013 at 1:15am<b>LaLince</b> - the 04/30/2013 at 11:20pm<b>aleqsbro</b> - the 04/30/2013 at 4:15pm<b>Sonfang</b> - the 04/23/2013 at 8:57am<b>WOWcats</b> - the 04/12/2013 at 10:23am<b>CloudEnvy</b> - the 04/06/2013 at 7:14am<b>umyeahh</b> - the 03/08/2013 at 7:51pm<b>JustAGirlOnFML</b> - the 01/13/2013 at 1:32pm

lolly_bags's FML badges

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of lolly_bags's badges

lolly_bags's favorite FMLs

Today, my mom signed me up for a swimming class to show my sister there's nothing to be afraid of. Considering I'm 17, I assumed I'd be in an advanced class. Instead, I get to spend summer blowing bubbles in the shallow end with four-year-olds as my little sister cheers me on from the steps. FML

#20758869
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38870) - you deserved it (3280)

On 07/01/2013 at 10:37pm - misc - by AwkwardPotato - United States (California)

Today, after spending four hours cooking food for a special family dinner, I went to take a shower before they arrived. I came back out less than twenty minutes later to find most of the food gone, and a very guilty-looking puppy. FML

Today, after going out to dinner with my girlfriend, we went back to my place and things started getting hot. I went in the bathroom and put on a green condom. She wouldn't have sex with me because it looked "like a cucumber" and "cucumbers are nasty." FML

#20745688
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50429) - you deserved it (13865)

On 06/25/2013 at 12:22am - intimacy - by dan (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my husband finally returned from his 18-month deployment. Sexually starved, we wasted no time getting busy. Later as we finally cooled off, I got a message from my Aunt. She was hiding in our closet the whole time to surprise us with cake for his safe return. FML

#20743795
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (81091) - you deserved it (7400)

On 06/24/2013 at 12:37am - intimacy - by jgtrflynn (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my husband finally returned from his 18-month deployment. Sexually starved, we wasted no time getting busy. Later as we finally cooled off, I got a message from my Aunt. She was hiding in our closet the whole time to surprise us with cake for his safe return. FML

#20743795
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (81091) - you deserved it (7400)

On 06/24/2013 at 12:37am - intimacy - by jgtrflynn (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my grandmother made a rule that every time we take a crap, she has to examine the turds to make sure they aren't big enough to clog up the pipes. I don't know what's worse: that she looks at my turds, or the fact that she actively comments on them. FML

#20740202
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45592) - you deserved it (3328)

On 06/22/2013 at 1:01am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was going through my daughter's contacts, except all of them had names from Harry Potter. I found the name "Mom." I was relieved I didn't have some silly name, until I realized it wasn't my number; it was her father's new wife. My number was under "Voldemort." FML

#20726673
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48968) - you deserved it (20742)

On 06/15/2013 at 12:19am - kids - by Jill (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after dating for almost a year, I decided to introduce my parents to the man I was sure I'd fallen in love with. When dad saw him, his and my boyfriend's face completely dropped. I asked them what was wrong because I could feel the discomfort. Turns out, I'm dating my dad's drug dealer. FML

#20724998
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73268) - you deserved it (7241)

On 06/14/2013 at 2:48am - love - by explanations (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, after years of faking pleasure with my boyfriend, I visited the gynaecologist. As soon as she touched my privates I instinctively let out a fake moan. FML

#20720590
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36458) - you deserved it (73950)

On 06/11/2013 at 11:06pm - intimacy - by instinct (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my boyfriend was extremely nervous to meet my parents but I made him do it anyway. One of the first things out of his mouth was, "I'm glad you had sex." When they gave him a look of shock, he added, "You know, when you made your daughter! She's awesome!" FML

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. She pulled down my trousers, saw my Poke-ball boxers, and absolutely lost it. I had to lie next to her in bed for the next 10 minutes hearing her howl with laughter while crying "Dickachu, I choose you!" FML

#20711208
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57226) - you deserved it (66139)

On 06/07/2013 at 3:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my little sister was scared to sleep alone, so my parents made her sleep in bed with me. I barely slept, due to the utter terror of waking up to her chanting into my ear in a low whisper, "This is where you die, this is where you die..." FML

#20709788
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50971) - you deserved it (3478)

On 06/06/2013 at 2:47pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Isle of Man

Today, after buying 3 new alarm clocks, I finally decided to video tape myself all night to figure out if my alarm clock was broken or if I was oversleeping. Turns out I wake up around 4am each day and turn them off without remembering. FML

#20700571
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50568) - you deserved it (6007)

On 06/02/2013 at 2:06am - misc - by sleepy momma - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I finished a big art project. It was a self-portrait done in acrylics. Proud of my piece, I showed my mom. After some thought her first comment was, "well, I'm either going to insult your art or your face." FML

#20698927
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45218) - you deserved it (4507)

On 06/01/2013 at 7:43am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)



FML's blog

  • Elaillce's illustrated FML
  • So, did you catch the game this week? You know, the one with the ball, the scoring and all that stuff. Isn't that how you're supposed to talk to people? OK, I know nothing about sports and teams, but I…

Friday 17 April 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: