Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

lolly_bags

Offline (the 12/19/2014 at 12:15pm) | Search for a member

lolly_bags

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 3180
  • Number of comments : 1
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

lolly_bags's page activity

Visits<b>dicroda</b> - the 05/29/2014 at 7:42pm<b>LeeB</b> - the 04/04/2014 at 2:25pm<b>Hannahbunzbabyz</b> - the 11/24/2013 at 10:28pm<b>tea_brewer</b> - the 09/07/2013 at 8:33pm<b>chargers2588</b> - the 09/05/2013 at 3:00pm<b>Zoeythedinosaur</b> - the 08/21/2013 at 7:38am<b>ifhydomo23</b> - the 07/24/2013 at 10:16pm<b>ZombieGuyCXV</b> - the 07/24/2013 at 6:26pm<b>jackson38</b> - the 05/17/2013 at 1:15am<b>LaLince</b> - the 04/30/2013 at 11:20pm<b>aleqsbro</b> - the 04/30/2013 at 4:15pm<b>Sonfang</b> - the 04/23/2013 at 8:57am<b>WOWcats</b> - the 04/12/2013 at 10:23am<b>CloudEnvy</b> - the 04/06/2013 at 7:14am<b>umyeahh</b> - the 03/08/2013 at 7:51pm<b>JustAGirlOnFML</b> - the 01/13/2013 at 1:32pm

lolly_bags's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

A new Thumb

You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.

See all of lolly_bags's badges

lolly_bags's favorite FMLs

Today, my mom was sharing the story of how I was born with the umbilical cord around my neck. My sister added that it was God's first attempt to kill me off. FML

Today, while working at Home Depot, I was asked to cut some wire. When I asked her how much, she said, "From my computer to the wall". After explaining for a while that I didn't know how far that is, she left. FML

Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after being constipated for a while. I thought I was alone, so I pretended I was giving birth to my turd, and let out all kinds of sound effects. Next thing I know, I hear a knock at the door and my mom asking, "Should I call 911?" FML

#20866525
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23143) - you deserved it (36624)

On 09/03/2013 at 7:53pm - health - by ugh - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, after recently discovering that I need a bone marrow transplant, my girlfriend got tested to see if she could be a donor. When the results came back with a negative match, she blurted out, "Oh thank god." FML

#20850517
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43895) - you deserved it (3828)

On 08/23/2013 at 6:06am - health - by themarrowguy - United States

Today, my 50-year-old dad was in a foul mood after taking an online test that put him in Slytherin house instead of Ravenclaw where he "belongs" because he's "so smart". FML

#20849955
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37515) - you deserved it (3260)

On 08/22/2013 at 9:38pm - misc - by thanksad (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got fired from my job at an age care facility because I was too nice to my residents. My boss told me "They're deaf, blind and about to jump head first into the grave. We don't pay you to be kind." FML

#20842873
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48662) - you deserved it (2709)

On 08/18/2013 at 7:43am - work - by sweet23 (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my mom got a cat. I'm allergic to cats, so I politely asked my mom why she got it. Her response: "I want you to finally want to move out." I turned eighteen two weeks ago. FML

#20835283
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45998) - you deserved it (4627)

On 08/13/2013 at 11:36am - work - by skaterboy - Canada (Alberta)

Today, while I was eating cereal, my mother thought it would be appropriate to grab the bowl and start spoon-feeding me while making airplane noises, again. I'm 19. FML

Today, a man stopped me on the street. He said the stretch marks on my thighs looked like cuts, and asked me if I self-harmed. Before I was able to politely respond "No", he said, "I mean, I can see why you would." FML

#20794407
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45732) - you deserved it (3541)

On 07/20/2013 at 5:31pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my friends took my work laptop and changed the sounds. Now, whenever I remove a USB device, a woman's voice screams "Put it back!" and when I insert a USB device, it says "Oh, you need to push it in harder!" I don't know how to change it back. FML

#20793994
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54830) - you deserved it (6345)

On 07/20/2013 at 11:45am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Delaware)

Today, I announced my first pregnancy to my family. Not to be outdone, my sister immediately announced that she "might" be getting pregnant soon. My family ended up congratulating her instead, and asked me if I would plan the baby shower. FML

#20793609
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55562) - you deserved it (2910)

On 07/20/2013 at 2:31am - kids - by Happyunlucky (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my wife and I were having a fight, when she grabbed my car keys and threw them over into the neighbors overgrown junk yard. My car is a restored '59 Belvedere and the keys can't be replaced. I've been looking for hours and I still can't find them. FML

#20786212
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58260) - you deserved it (8216)

On 07/16/2013 at 12:06pm - love - by ronnieG (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my driving instructor failed me on my test, because I forgot to turn the air conditioning off after parking. FML

#20780305
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60411) - you deserved it (5406)

On 07/13/2013 at 4:40pm - misc - by WOW (man) - Kenya

Today, my 13-year-old daughter and I went to a tropical themed restaurant. She wanted a strawberry Daiquiri, so I asked the waitress for a virgin strawberry Daiquiri. My daughter then said, "But dad, I'm not a virgin." FML

#20775827
338 comments

I agree, your life sucks (99762) - you deserved it (11650)

On 07/11/2013 at 10:24am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I got head lice, so I went to a store to buy medicated shampoo. When checking out the cashier saw my shampoo and asked me to leave immediately to protect the other customers. He didn't let me buy the shampoo. FML

#20775381
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53195) - you deserved it (3151)

On 07/11/2013 at 12:52am - health - by frustrated - United States (Tennessee)



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • The Xmas illustrated FML
  • Here we go, final lap before Christmas is finally upon us. Although, you could say we've been subjected to quite a few strains of Christmas already. The decorations are up since mid-August, and certain family…

Friday 19 December 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: