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lolfood's FML badges
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You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
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lolfood's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 09/04/2011 at 12:15am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
by May / 09/04/2011 at 12:08am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, I was in my car with my window down at a red light. Outside, a sweet old lady was sitting on a bench with her dog sleeping next to her. I yelled out the window to tell her how cute her dog was. She replied, "He's dead" and cried. FML
by macattack / 09/01/2011 at 10:29pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Transportation
by bob / 09/01/2011 at 1:29am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/31/2011 at 10:23am / United Kingdom (Bristol) / Intimacy
by Bigpoppa0507 / 08/31/2011 at 10:02am / Canada / Health
Today, I visited my son at work. He's an interpreter for the government. As I watched him converse with a group of men, I was overcome with pride. Then the woman next to me said "I can't believe they're talking about that in public." They were discussing masturbation techniques. FML
by mystupidson / 08/30/2011 at 11:30pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy
Today, I had to take my dog to the vet for him to be put to sleep. I could feel the cold, hard shaft of irony slide its way up my ass and slowly fuck me senseless with every step I took on this beautiful National Dog Day. FML
by Anonymous / 08/26/2011 at 1:49pm / United States / Animals
by hendrix1 / 08/25/2011 at 10:33am / United States (California) / Love
Today, I work by myself at a retail store and I was bored so I called my boyfriend. I woke him up and he was feeling frisky, and as things were getting heated I started to moan and say dirty things. Until the entire rack of clothes fell over and revealed my boss hiding. He had a boner. FML
by MissCan'tKeepAJob / 08/23/2011 at 12:18pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I watched my neighbor bring his dogs into my yard to let them empty their piss-pipes and poop-chutes. He does this twice a day. I put a "cut it out" sign up. His dogs peed on the sign and knocked it down. My lawn is a landmine of dog logs and I don't know what to do, besides installing actual landmines. FML
by wags34 / 08/22/2011 at 10:57am / United States (Arkansas) / Animals
Today, I woke up exhausted because a croaking frog had kept me awake the night before. This has happened every night for the past week, and no matter how far away I take the frog, it always ends up sitting in the same place the next morning. FML
by froggylicious / 08/16/2011 at 2:18pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I heard that a boy in my class had written a song about me. Intrigued, I went to see him perform. I spent 3 excruciating minutes listening to a song about 'the girl of his dreams', his tear-filled eyes staring into mine the whole time. I have to sit next to this freak for the next 2 years. FML
by worried / 08/16/2011 at 9:20am / United Kingdom (Cheshire) / Love
by NotSoAnon / 08/13/2011 at 11:31am / United States / Miscellaneous
by LuckySperm / 08/12/2011 at 9:14am / United Kingdom (Bedfordshire) / Kids
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, a week after dropping my car off for the third time in a month at the dealership because of…
- Today, my fiancé had to perform his first prostate exam. He told me he was quite nervous about it,… Today, I got some really bad mosquito bites on the outside of my thighs. They itched, and my jeans… Today, I was in a mall bathroom when two girls started making out in the stall next to me. Before I…