Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

lolfood

Offline (3 hours ago) | Search for a member

lolfood

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2836
  • Number of comments : 414
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 58 posted

About lolfood : Welcome to my profile.




















































...





























































.































































...





























































.






























































...





























































.




























































...





























































.































... Why are you still here?

lolfood's page activity

Visits<b>rocker_chick23</b> - the 10/09/2014 at 5:00pm<b>MarshalR</b> - the 09/24/2014 at 11:09am<b>BirdieCurls</b> - the 09/18/2014 at 6:42pm<b>CareFreeBanana</b> - the 09/09/2014 at 7:05am<b>dying_to_know</b> - the 09/04/2014 at 5:39pm<b>Global_User</b> - the 08/27/2014 at 2:31pm<b>awesomepantTamia</b> - the 08/17/2014 at 6:37pm<b>Maria_BVB_Army</b> - the 08/17/2014 at 2:08am<b>Tl471</b> - the 07/13/2014 at 8:49am<b>CubanBitchh</b> - the 07/08/2014 at 12:21am<b>thatcrazygiirl</b> - the 07/06/2014 at 2:27pm<b>trinalporpus</b> - the 06/25/2014 at 8:46pm<b>Wingman527</b> - the 06/23/2014 at 11:21pm<b>AHotCupOfCoffee</b> - the 06/23/2014 at 3:26pm<b>cheesybanana703</b> - the 06/02/2014 at 9:10am<b>mossbeg410</b> - the 05/23/2014 at 10:29pm<b>Death_The_Kid15</b> - the 05/22/2014 at 10:29pm<b>44LynnLynn</b> - the 05/22/2014 at 6:09am

lolfood's FML badges

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

Happy Ending

Brandon may have an FML, but he ended up marrying Jessica. You found this out by reading “FML, the follow up.”

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of lolfood's badges

lolfood's favorite FMLs

Today, I overheard my husband talking to our 6 year-old about animals for a project. I listened, thinking it was cute, until my husband said gleefully, "Remember to say this in your project: octopuses have 8 testicles." FML

#17973930
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26616) - you deserved it (3125)

On 10/13/2011 at 8:24am - kids - by daddoesn'tknowbest - United States

Today, I overheard my husband talking to our 6 year-old about animals for a project. I listened, thinking it was cute, until my husband said gleefully, "Remember to say this in your project: octopuses have 8 testicles." FML

#17973930
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26616) - you deserved it (3125)

On 10/13/2011 at 8:24am - kids - by daddoesn'tknowbest - United States

Today, in an incredibly busy shopping center bathroom with my 5 year-old niece, I was squatting over the toilet seat to avoid germs. My niece then says at the top of her voice, "Auntie, why are you sitting like a kangaroo?" I'd say the whole room pissed their pants laughing. FML

#17910752
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22636) - you deserved it (7539)

On 10/05/2011 at 11:29am - kids - by Pissed (woman) - Australia

Today, on my way home, my girlfriend started sexting me, telling me that she was waiting at my house. In my rush to get home to see her, I got pulled over and had to be patted down. He found no weapons, but he did find my stiffy. FML

#17906295
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36165) - you deserved it (10961)

On 10/04/2011 at 8:02pm - intimacy - by Username - United States

Today, I used a public restroom with very shiny floors. So shiny, in fact, that I could see a clear reflection of the person in the next stall. I'm pretty sure they could see me too. FML

#17877731
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27323) - you deserved it (2601)

On 10/01/2011 at 10:18am - misc - by anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I shat a magnet. FML

#17843744
286 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11935) - you deserved it (31070)

On 09/26/2011 at 10:51pm - health - by mimi - United States (Illinois)

Today, I woke up next to my boss naked. We are both women and she is married. Work should be interesting tomorrow. FML

#17839569
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19944) - you deserved it (43737)

On 09/26/2011 at 2:20pm - intimacy - by BigBananaLover - United States (California)

Today, while at work, after reading more than 100 FMLs and moderating more than 500, I decided to write one of my own with the help of my boss, who had been standing next to me for over an hour. "How about being fired?" FML

Today, I got kicked in the crotch. It popped my cherry. I lost my virginity to a shoe. FML

#17779717
426 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55680) - you deserved it (5494)

On 09/19/2011 at 10:39am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my girlfriend called me over to her house. When I knocked, no one responded to the door. I decided to check the back yard and found her sunbathing by the pool. I kneeled by her and placed my hand on her butt, kissing her neck. What I heard next, "So this is what you do with my daughter." FML

#17753266
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36204) - you deserved it (23302)

On 09/15/2011 at 7:54pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my parents came to my house for my birthday. My mom backed her car into my motorcycle, knocking it over. She said because it was my birthday I could pay for the damages to her car later. FML

Today, I apologized to the cat for walking into the laundry room while he was using the litter box. FML

#17734128
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23532) - you deserved it (9426)

On 09/13/2011 at 2:05am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I decided to formally introduce my girlfriend to my parents. My dad took the opportunity to apologize for walking in on us a few days ago while we were having sex. It wasn't her. Thanks dad. FML

#17709124
583 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20885) - you deserved it (236240)

On 09/10/2011 at 2:35am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was masturbating while chewing gum. Halfway into the session, the gum flew down my throat, causing me to violently choke. My mom had to rush in and help me while I still had my pants around my ankles. FML

#17706134
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15346) - you deserved it (49207)

On 09/09/2011 at 7:22pm - intimacy - by omfgnooo (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my fiancé played Rockband drums from the bathroom while taking a crap. He actually managed to properly hit notes. FML

#17690581
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20957) - you deserved it (3858)

On 09/07/2011 at 7:02pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: