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lmjb3496

Offline (the 10/03/2014 at 5:26am) | Search for a member

lmjb3496

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 4 March 1996 (19 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 492
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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lmjb3496's page activity

Visits<b>ROSI3TH3CAT</b> - the 01/19/2013 at 12:02am<b>ICastillo</b> - the 01/16/2013 at 10:58pm

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lmjb3496's favorite FMLs

Today, my dad opened a Chinese fortune cookie that read, "Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes." Now he won't stop calling me Experience. FML

#20494543
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35806) - you deserved it (3277)

On 02/05/2013 at 3:19pm - misc - by Experience (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, on my shift as a nurse, I asked a pregnant woman what she would name her child. She said she saw the name "Chlamydia" on a billboard and decided to name her daughter that, saying it was "beautiful." I informed her that it was an STD, and she replied, "Oh, well no one knows that!" FML

#20482313
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38604) - you deserved it (2535)

On 01/27/2013 at 11:36pm - kids - by andy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, at my 6-year-old son's birthday party, I had to explain to my boyfriend that it's not okay to use condoms as party balloons. FML

#20477498
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29306) - you deserved it (5907)

On 01/25/2013 at 12:39am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I led a class of grade-two pupils on an excursion to the zoo. When we went to see the lions I was put in a position where I had to explain to seven and eight year olds why one lion was "bouncing" on top of the other one. FML

#20477486
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30467) - you deserved it (2716)

On 01/25/2013 at 12:25am - kids - by teacher - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, feeling lonely after my recent breakup, I put on my nicest clothes and went out clubbing with a few friends. I brought a guy back to my place, and we got intimate. It was going well, until he took off my push-up bra, then panicked and drunkenly asked, "Where'd they go?!" FML

#20477055
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25186) - you deserved it (48282)

On 01/24/2013 at 7:54pm - intimacy - by chase (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, the police arrived at my door, telling me my child had been caught vandalizing. A boy who looked about 15 hugged me and said, "Hey, mum". I'm only 26 years old and had never seen this boy in my life. FML

#20473479
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38191) - you deserved it (2407)

On 01/22/2013 at 6:16pm - kids - by Female (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I had to drag my grandmother out of a store because she went up to a black family and started apologizing for slavery. FML

#20472335
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40932) - you deserved it (2766)

On 01/21/2013 at 11:08pm - misc - by daddy's girl - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, after applying for a job at a tanning salon, I was told they don't hire "naturally tan" people. I'm black. FML

#20470936
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48138) - you deserved it (4082)

On 01/21/2013 at 7:48am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Maryland)

Today, I told my mom we get Monday off due to Martin Luther King Jr. day. She then insisted that I had to go to school because that is "only for black people." FML

#20461178
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36705) - you deserved it (2608)

On 01/15/2013 at 6:16pm - misc - by Sydney - United States (Texas)

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. In the entrance way I felt a slight tugging on my jeans. Used to my Doberman tugging when he wants to play, I shoved hard with my foot. I successfully punted their Chihuahua off the ground and into the next room where it landed with a thud. FML

#20460283
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20671) - you deserved it (37916)

On 01/15/2013 at 2:33am - animals - by I think its dead (man) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I was babysitting, and a little girl asked for help with her homework. I cheerfully began an explanation, only to freeze mid-sentence. I could not for the life of me remember how to do long-division. I'm about to graduate from Cornell University, and her little brother had to correct me. FML

#20459773
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31491) - you deserved it (9552)

On 01/14/2013 at 9:52pm - kids - by IvyLeague? - United States (New York)

Today, I decided to go to a UV-light party dressed all in white. Before leaving, my little brother dumped a glass of tomato juice over my head saying, "Now you look just like a used tampon!" FML

#20456974
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38566) - you deserved it (4824)

On 01/13/2013 at 10:49am - misc - by Mary - Czech Republic

Today, my 14-year-old son showed me a "bird's egg" he was looking after in his room. It was a dried up dog turd. FML

#20451321
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28365) - you deserved it (7434)

On 01/10/2013 at 1:28am - kids - by Facepalmum (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I asked my mom what her biggest craving was when she was pregnant with me. Her answer: an abortion. FML

#20449894
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50468) - you deserved it (4846)

On 01/09/2013 at 11:07am - misc - by kk - United States

Today, at work, a little girl came in and asked if we had any dance clothes. As I showed her, I asked if she was in a competition. When she said yes, I crossed my fingers and told her I hoped she would win. Unfortunately, I didn't cross them properly and I accidentally gave her the finger. FML



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