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lmbachman

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lmbachman
  • Town/Country : Maryland, USA
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 449
  • Number of comments : 92
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 21 posted

About lmbachman : Doing what I do.

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lmbachman's favorite FMLs

Today, after more than six years of working my ass off, I finally summoned the courage to ask my boss for a raise. She just chuckled, "I'm gonna need you to eat a dick, John." and stared at me unblinking until I awkwardly left. FML

#20790691
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42990) - you deserved it (3269)

On 07/18/2013 at 3:53pm - work - by no new apartment for me (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. His reason was that my laugh is really annoying and makes him want to "stick a baby in a blender". FML

#20786622
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43449) - you deserved it (8600)

On 07/16/2013 at 4:32pm - love - by ... cheers (woman) - United Kingdom (Renfrewshire)

Today, my girlfriend was sitting on my lap at a birthday party. She thought it would be funny to fart. I came instantly. FML

#20785133
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53060) - you deserved it (18204)

On 07/15/2013 at 9:42pm - intimacy - by needsnewshorts (man) - United States (California)

Today, my five-year-old daughter called the police to report her stolen nose. FML

#20769088
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48952) - you deserved it (8615)

On 07/07/2013 at 5:57pm - kids - by nosestealer (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, during my family's traditional 4th of July weekend celebration, my water broke. I kept trying to tell them and asked them to take me to the hospital, but they couldn't hear me over the fireworks. They all just kept smiling and nodding. FML

#20767424
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45191) - you deserved it (2413)

On 07/06/2013 at 5:45pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my husband wanted to try anal for the first time. His attempt to sound romantic was him saying, "Open your buns, the meat is ready." FML

#20767385
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52478) - you deserved it (7434)

On 07/06/2013 at 5:21pm - intimacy - by hamburger - United States (Michigan)

Today, I saw my older sister for the first time in three years. We hadn't spoke since I found out that she was the woman my college boyfriend left me for. Unfortunately, our reunion was fueled by her two-year-old son's desire to meet his dad. My husband. FML

#20760666
245 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61862) - you deserved it (4901)

On 07/02/2013 at 10:39pm - love - by Jenn (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was at another long swim-meet, when my daughter shaved 15 seconds off her record swim time. When I asked her how she did it, she replied, "Well someone told me to swim as fast as I can." She's just been taking her time all these years. FML

#20759731
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44756) - you deserved it (4765)

On 07/02/2013 at 12:25pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Vermont)

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. She pulled down my trousers, saw my Poke-ball boxers, and absolutely lost it. I had to lie next to her in bed for the next 10 minutes hearing her howl with laughter while crying "Dickachu, I choose you!" FML

#20711208
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48322) - you deserved it (57901)

On 06/07/2013 at 3:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, while sexting my girlfriend, I accidently sent a picture to her father instead of her. He sent back a link to a penis enlargement company's website. FML

#20705129
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28074) - you deserved it (60743)

On 06/04/2013 at 8:15am - misc - by tinypenis - United States (New York)

Today, while feeding my neighbour's cats, I mistakenly switched up their foods. One has medicated food that causes drowsiness. The healthy cat got knocked out like a log. I panicked, laid him out by the bed, and spilled milk around his head to make it look "natural." I think I'm going to hell. FML

#20697165
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29336) - you deserved it (32058)

On 05/31/2013 at 10:59am - animals - by fuckshitcockwaffle (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my boyfriend "finally figured out" that he couldn't possibly be the father of my child, and publicly broke up with me. When I reminded him that I was already pregnant when we first met, he "extra" broke up with me for making him look stupid. FML

#20696470
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43479) - you deserved it (6488)

On 05/30/2013 at 11:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, the doorbell rang. I saw my incredibly overbearing mum's car outside, so I stayed quiet and tried to sneak upstairs. As I crawled through the hallway, commando style, I realised the door blinds were still out for cleaning. If scowls could kill, I'd be roasting in Hell right now. FML

#20694934
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38079) - you deserved it (9524)

On 05/30/2013 at 8:40am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time. I was really excited to introduce her to my parents, until we found my mother waving around a wooden sword, and my father trying to shove my sister into the dryer. FML

#20671220
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43064) - you deserved it (4604)

On 05/18/2013 at 4:06pm - love - by Mr_poole (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I went to therapy. I started talking about my childhood and my life. By the time the session was over my therapist was crying. FML

#20651461
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57234) - you deserved it (3604)

On 05/09/2013 at 1:30am - health - by Screwed Up (man) - United States



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