Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

lmbachman

Online | Search for a member

lmbachman

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1261
  • Number of comments : 107
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 21 posted

About lmbachman : Doing what I do.

lmbachman's page activity

Visits<b>Geckosrock99</b> - 5 hours ago<b>BunchieRules</b> - the 12/09/2014 at 3:02pm<b>fantasyworld</b> - the 12/09/2014 at 2:58pm<b>cotteb</b> - the 11/15/2014 at 1:58pm<b>yeannie</b> - the 11/14/2014 at 11:30pm<b>gurbism</b> - the 11/14/2014 at 2:36pm<b>FunnyDude1215</b> - the 11/14/2014 at 1:44pm<b>killerkcpup</b> - the 11/13/2014 at 12:16pm<b>TheRealHarleyCat</b> - the 11/13/2014 at 8:44am<b>xokpxo</b> - the 10/16/2014 at 5:17pm<b>KILLROY570</b> - the 10/16/2014 at 9:28am<b>rocker_chick23</b> - the 09/26/2014 at 8:50pm<b>MrItalia</b> - the 07/07/2014 at 7:12am<b>mzweier</b> - the 07/06/2014 at 12:51pm<b>crazykitty121</b> - the 07/06/2014 at 3:15am<b>conman531</b> - the 05/06/2014 at 9:40am<b>tymarie2012</b> - the 10/21/2013 at 4:25am<b>pantherfan0877</b> - the 09/04/2013 at 5:37am

lmbachman's FML badges

100 kick ass comments

100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!

It’s in the can

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

See all of lmbachman's badges

lmbachman's favorite FMLs

Today, I got a call from my very drunk boyfriend at 1:30am asking for my permission to have sex with a "gross fat chick" he met at a pub, because he "felt sorry for her". The conversation ended with me getting hung up on because I "don't have a heart". FML

#21232277
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48271) - you deserved it (4545)

On 08/08/2014 at 2:05am - intimacy - by pocketrocket90 (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I woke up to an old lady right outside my open window, saying "Hello in there! Are you sleepy?" I was so startled that I answered her. She screamed. Turns out she's my neighbour's elderly mother, didn't know I was in there, and was talking to my cat. FML

#21201617
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42450) - you deserved it (4253)

On 07/07/2014 at 11:59am - animals - by ADanceWithDavos (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I parked my motorcycle in a parking spot. When I came back, my bike had been moved and was laying on its side with a note saying, "Sorry I dropped your motorcycle I was trying to move it forward so I could park my car because there weren't any other spots." FML

#21197788
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48877) - you deserved it (6206)

On 07/03/2014 at 9:30pm - misc - by AJL - United States

Today, my grandma got a new boyfriend. She dumped the old one because "His wife was taking too long to die." FML

#21195046
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51366) - you deserved it (4406)

On 07/01/2014 at 1:31pm - love - by carebear1228 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I almost got written up for insubordination by my boss. All I did was explain to him that I couldn't help a tourist out because I speak Japanese, not Korean, and that it's not in fact "the same Asian shit" as he seemed to think. FML

#21177954
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43169) - you deserved it (2967)

On 06/17/2014 at 11:28am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I saw a pair of eyes looking at me from my closet. Realizing it must be my cat, I called her. She immediately came out from under my bed. I can't find anything in my closet. FML

#21155508
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59142) - you deserved it (4566)

On 05/29/2014 at 2:46am - animals - by Idk (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I told my 4-year-old neighbor that I'm pregnant. His response was to attack me with a stick "for swallowing a baby." Three people had to pull him off. FML

#21145558
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45807) - you deserved it (5293)

On 05/19/2014 at 8:00pm - kids - by Baby eater - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my boss yet again said she was "literally dying", after she watched a funny video online. Long story short, I'm now on her shitlist because I couldn't help but point out that she clearly wasn't dying, and that her ranting was distracting me from doing actual work. FML

#21142829
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33508) - you deserved it (16619)

On 05/17/2014 at 12:02pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I walked outside to see my boyfriend standing on my porch, looking confused. He explained to me that he had attached a prom proposal note to his pet rabbit, and let it inside my house to find me. We went looking for said rabbit, and found my dog halfway through eating it. FML

#21136990
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52635) - you deserved it (4912)

On 05/11/2014 at 6:49pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my husband and I put our children to bed a little earlier than usual, so we could have some sexy time. Immediately following my full-blown orgasm, I rolled over, only to see my wide-eyed son peeking over the top of the mattress. FML

#21133668
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61582) - you deserved it (14138)

On 05/07/2014 at 10:31pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I saw a cute guy and decided to say hi. As I started to think about things to talk about, one story in particular about a drummer who looked like Jesus stuck out in my mind. I was so nervous that instead of saying hi, I blurted out, "Some people look like Jesus!" and took off. FML

Today, the man sitting next to me on the train tried to sneak a dead cat into my bag while I was sleeping. FML

#21121912
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42571) - you deserved it (3545)

On 04/24/2014 at 4:52pm - animals - by now have a cat - United States (Illinois)

Today, my coworker tried to convince my boss that I'm not human. Her examples of how I'm influenced by demons included how I don't wear a jacket in the winter, and that I once got a nosebleed from sneezing. My boss thinks she's hilarious and is playing along. FML

#21111822
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39640) - you deserved it (3880)

On 04/13/2014 at 10:51am - work - by worker666 (woman) - United States

Today, I resorted to the oldest prank in the book: laxatives in the food. Except it wasn't for a prank, but just a desperate attempt to get my clingy boyfriend to leave me the hell alone. I think I'm going to hell. FML

#21101967
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39504) - you deserved it (11172)

On 04/01/2014 at 3:21pm - love - by someone (woman) - United States (West Virginia)



FML's blog

  • Malec's illustrated FML
  • Life is like a box of chocolate full of piece of rabbit droppings sometimes, isn't it? OK, I'll admit that's a weird way to start an article a few days before Christmas. Let me explain: you try and get…

Friday 12 December 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: