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About llamafish : (Insert obligatory stalker accusation here)
I'm just a random person, who does random things, at random times. Randomly.
What? You want more? Fine. Erm... How about some lists! Yeah!
Things I enjoy:
-The colour purple
-Smashing the hopes and dreams of those around me
Things I hate:
-Medium sized children
-Children in general
-Pepl hoo tok lyk dis
-The fact that Pluto is now to be referred to as "a dwarf planet", and star fish are now to be referred to as "sea stars".
-Not too fond of you either
Just kidding about that last one. Maybe. Depends on who you are.
Alright. Peace out. You've learned all you need to know about me.
Seriously. Go. Be free.
...Fine. Stay. See if I care. Just don't go breaking anything, you hear? Good.
Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.
Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.
Today, my sister, knowing that I'm terrified of his face, taped a picture of Michael Jackson over our toilet. When I entered the washroom, I sprinted back out screaming. Minutes later, while in the shower, I happened to glance up at the ceiling. Guess who was grinning down at me. FML
Today, I approached a cute girl at a club, when she started barking at me like a rabid dog. Thinking she might be mentally unhinged, I left, only to see the same girl laughing her ass off with her friends minutes later. When I went back over, her friends started barking at me too. FML
Today, Child Protective Services came to my house, because my 7-year-old son told people at school that he was uncomfortable sleeping in his uncle's bed. I had to explain to them that the uncle in question died 2 years ago, and that's why it felt weird. FML
Today, I found out that my colleagues had replaced my email auto-responder with a message saying, "I'm away for two weeks in Brazil. Due to the surgery, when I return, please address me by my new name: Crystal." FML
Today, my wife allowed my mother-in-law to move in with us. She believes the government spies on her in the shower, and that the Prime Minister is a shape-shifting lizard who wants to microchip us all. I have to live with this psychotic wench until someone is desperate enough to employ her. FML
Today, I was heading to the bathroom when I clearly saw a little boy walking into my bedroom. My wife and I live alone, and I screamed at the top of my lungs, thinking he was a ghost. Turns out my wife collected him from school for a friend, and I just didn't hear them arrive. FML
Today, the Star Wars Cantina song had been stuck in my head since I woke up, as my brother was humming it. I finally managed to get it out of my head. Then my mom started to whistle it. It's stuck in my head again. FML
Monday 1 September 2014