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lkalili

Offline (the 08/16/2014 at 8:55am) | Search for a member

lkalili

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 25 December 1990 (23 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 559
  • Number of comments : 32
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About lkalili : I love Fml!! Whenever I'm having a bad day I go on here and I feel 10x better!! I love this website!!

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lkalili's favorite FMLs

Today, I was having lunch at McDonald's when I dropped a French fry down my shirt. It stuck out the top of my bra. Before I had the chance to remove it, a creepy man picked it out and ate it saying that it was the best French fry he had ever eaten. FML

#19000148
247 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43539) - you deserved it (4536)

On 02/05/2012 at 10:45am - misc - by Anonymous - Reserved

Today, my mom was freaking out about me handling a CD-ROM with my bare hands. When I asked her what all the commotion was about, she said she was worried that I would catch "one of those computer viruses" she'd heard about on the news. FML

#18974920
216 comments

Today, it was my first time having sex with this guy. After a few second he stops, sits in the corner of his room buff-naked, with his knees up and his hands on his face. He then pouts and claims it was his worst performance ever. FML

#18966700
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28978) - you deserved it (3586)

On 02/01/2012 at 3:19am - intimacy - by crybaby - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML

#18954927
264 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30806) - you deserved it (4964)

On 01/30/2012 at 7:25pm - intimacy - by ugh (man) - United States

Today, I found out that Google+ has been automatically uploading my cell phone pictures as I take them. My friends have now seen pictures of me, my penis, and other things too horrifying to talk about. FML

#18945896
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14868) - you deserved it (41163)

On 01/29/2012 at 7:26pm - misc - by brannie - United States

Today, I was going through airport security. Trying to get things over and done with quickly, I dropped my pants without a second thought. Turns out they just wanted me to remove my shoes and belt. FML

#18936126
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7886) - you deserved it (30061)

On 01/28/2012 at 6:31pm - misc - by GothicbunnyxC (woman) - Canada (Prince Edward Island)

Today, I played Call Of Duty online against someone who turned out to be wanking. FML

#18897054
238 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23762) - you deserved it (6798)

On 01/24/2012 at 5:39am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was driving back home with my family. I had to sit quietly for half an hour, all while pretending I didn't notice my sister playing with herself under the coat on her lap. FML

#18891781
324 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41110) - you deserved it (3372)

On 01/23/2012 at 5:36pm - intimacy - by jjs51 (man) - United States

Today, I drove into a cluster of dustbins thanks to my dozy cat who'd managed to get into my car, fall asleep, and wake up while I was driving to work. I lost control when I was startled by him staring at me in the rear-view mirror. FML

#18842582
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23401) - you deserved it (4844)

On 01/18/2012 at 6:30am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - Australia

Today, I was sexing it up with my boyfriend. Halfway through, he looked at me and said, "Y'know what you never see in a porno? Intellectual conversation. Read any good books lately?" He wouldn't keep going until I answered. FML

#18764509
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25848) - you deserved it (6153)

On 01/10/2012 at 4:36am - intimacy - by eakthegeek - United States

Today, I was cooking with super hot ghost peppers. The package said "After handling them not to touch your eyes, nose or pets". They should've added "penis" to that list. FML

#18729935
357 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11828) - you deserved it (54895)

On 01/06/2012 at 9:22pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was on the train listening to my iPod on shuffle. The "Oompa Loompa" song came on, and slightly amused, I started humming it. It wasn't until I noticed that the man next to me was a midget that I understood the horrified looks I was getting. FML

#18716043
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32626) - you deserved it (9076)

On 01/05/2012 at 1:39pm - misc - by lorahayes (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, I won a lifetime supply of pineapples. One problem, I'm allergic to pineapples. FML

#18713489
283 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31240) - you deserved it (3707)

On 01/05/2012 at 3:09am - health - by dusk - United States (Colorado)

Today, while watching Rio, I got a boner when Blu and Jewel kissed. This is almost as pathetic as getting a boner a few days ago while watching Homer and Marge kiss on The Simpsons. I think I'm way past the point of ever getting laid. FML

#18674853
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31530) - you deserved it (9611)

On 01/01/2012 at 1:09pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while shopping at Wal-Mart, a guy grabbed my butt. When I turned around to slap him, he shook his head, said "Nice ass but such an ugly face", then walked away. I've never been told I'm ugly before. FML

#18667019
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31304) - you deserved it (7608)

On 12/31/2011 at 7:51pm - misc - by thathurt (woman) - United States (Georgia)



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