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lizamaphone's favorite FMLs
by human torch / 03/18/2010 at 11:22am / United States / Health
Today, I fell asleep with my hands down my pants. I woke up to an excruciating pain coming from my genitalea. It turns out that I was having nightmares and I squeezed my balls because I was so terrified. I popped 3 blood vessels in my scrotum and now walk with a limp. FML
by Ballhugger / 12/06/2009 at 3:42pm / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 06/05/2009 at 9:20am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was in one of those lucid half sleeps with my boyfriend. Not fully awake to control myself, I ripped ass. I had no idea what to do. I pretended to still be sleeping. I'm pretty sure he noticed because he patted me on the back in a congratulatory sort of way. FML
by amg85904 / 01/29/2009 at 7:13pm / United States (Ohio) / Love
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- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…
- Today, I got a XXX wax, because my boyfriend wouldn't go down on me as he didn't like the hair. Now… Today, the most action I had on Valentine's day was a homeless guy pulling his dick out at me as I… Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I grabbed his butt to control his thrusts and got…