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You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.
Today, I went to see a famous rapper perform. My girlfriend got us up to the front to get pictures with him. He went to give me a high-five, I thought it was a fist-bump, so I made a fist. So he made a fist while I made a palm to match his retracted high-five. Then I panicked, cupped his fist and ran. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8326) - you deserved it (18423)
On 11/26/2010 at 10:43am - misc - by blackitalian - United States
Today, I asked my boyfriend in a sexy way "What should we do now, honey?" He answered, "Suck my dick?" I said "I was thinking of something more... romantic." He replied "Suck my dick in the moonlight?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (27605) - you deserved it (15702)
On 10/13/2010 at 9:20am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Spain (Asturias)
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Suddenly, he grabbed my 'lower' lips and moved them in a talking motion, proclaiming that "the talking vagina declares war and wants to conquer the great penis." FML
I agree, your life sucks (40023) - you deserved it (13121)
On 06/09/2010 at 7:34am - intimacy - by thetalkingvagina (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I waked in on my boyfriend and his bestfriend playing "Dick Wars" while wearing glow in the dark condoms. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40035) - you deserved it (7498)
On 03/27/2010 at 4:26am - intimacy - by pumpkinlover89 - United States (California)
Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. As I was beginning to enjoy and really get into it, I heard him say, "Oh my god, this is good shit." I looked up sexily, only to find that he was eating a Twinkie. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18737) - you deserved it (3427)
On 01/14/2010 at 3:36pm - intimacy - by scubai (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, my fiancé was performing oral on me, when I heard him start making a "Waka waka waka waka" noise. He confessed to pretending to be Pacman. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16282) - you deserved it (3351)
On 10/03/2009 at 9:03pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, my 250 lb ex-Marine dad announced he was going to start randomly punching me in the crotch, without warning, to "improve my reflexes." FML
I agree, your life sucks (53041) - you deserved it (3802)
On 08/02/2009 at 6:45pm - health - by theregoesmyspermcount (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was babysitting. I was sitting on the sofa when I felt that I need to ajust my sitting arangment. After moving, I felt a small toy snap under me. The little boy said it was fine. One hour later he snuck up on me and beat me with an umbrella for breaking his toy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39832) - you deserved it (7766)
On 06/05/2009 at 1:25am - kids - by KPKallery (woman) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, my house got broken into. My brand new laptop was stolen, along with my flatscreen TV, digital camera, external hard drive and some clothes. Wanting to drown my sorrows in the Ben & Jerry's Phish Food ice cream in the freezer, I opened the door to find that it too had been stolen. FML
I agree, your life sucks (130951) - you deserved it (7426)
On 04/28/2009 at 6:13pm - money - by Sad (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, at lunch I was running to my group's table with my friend. She accidentally tripped me, and I slid across the café floor face first on my belly. The whole cafeteria was silent. They then broke out in hysterics when the head janitor ran up to me and yelled 'SAFE!' like a baseball umpire. FML
I agree, your life sucks (55073) - you deserved it (8316)
On 04/08/2009 at 9:42pm - misc - by eun (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I had sex with a girl who cried out as she came "Forgive me Lord! Forgive me Lord!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (40862) - you deserved it (4386)
On 12/19/2008 at 11:05am - intimacy - by chicochico - Sent from mobile version
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