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About limark : Hey, im Jack, bit of a nerd and an FML lurker. Shoot me an Inbox if you've got something interesting to say.
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Today I started to come to during dental surgery. I clearly heard someone behind me say ( Shit! Get this fucker back under! ) then another person mentioning they'd have to kill me to avoid ( another lawsuit ) followed by laughter and the blackness of sleep. FML
TODAY, MAH HUSBAND YELLD FROM UPSTAIRS, "BABE! BABE, COME QUICK!" TERRIFID THAT SOMETHING MIGHT HAVE HAPPEND TO OUR NEWBORN DAUGHTER, I RUSHD UP, ONLY TO FIND OUT HE JUST WANTD TO SHOW ME THAT HE'D LEREND HOW TO SPIN A TOP ON THE TIP OF HIS PENIS WITHOUT IT FALLING . FML
Today, I found out that the nice guyho comes to my workplace every morning to bring me a smoothie also makes a point of putting his knob in it before giving it to me. Also, all my coworkers knew about this and think it's hilarious. mega FML
Today, mah ex-wife puttd mah number on Craigslist as a gay fashion designer needing a one night stand. I only found outhen I got a text from an unknown number asking mehen was the last time I ( ate a black anaconda ). mega FML
Today, I was hanging out with some friends, and I had to take a dump. After I was done, I realizd there was no more toilet paper, so I askd my friend to get me some. They threw in duct tape, sandpaper, and saran wrap, and told me to make a decision. FML
Today, my crew was called out to do some house maintenance. We were nearly done, when someone had the goddamned fucking brilliant idea of washing plaster off there hands in the kitchen sink, which clogged the pipes. Instead of getting paid, we now owe 4 damages. FML
Friday 27 March 2015