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lilpimpsmama's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 05/30/2012 at 1:25am / United States (New York) / Animals
by kayadd33 / 04/10/2012 at 10:13am / Canada (British Columbia) / Kids
by ohgod... / 04/01/2012 at 10:18pm / Canada (Quebec) / Intimacy
Today, I woke up to shuffling noises coming from downstairs. Suspecting the worst, I jumped out of bed, and whispered over my shoulder for my girlfriend to stay quiet. Only after going downstairs and taking a swing in the dark with my bat did I figure out it was just my girlfriend foraging for snacks. FML
by Zack / 04/01/2012 at 5:36pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
by Jeff make / 04/01/2012 at 10:03am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
by Anonymous / 03/31/2012 at 12:49am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I felt manly. I spent almost the entire day peeling paint, power sanding, and applying Spackle for my grandma. Strutting with masculinity, I headed for the shower, only to let out a womanly yelp at a spider hanging at eye level around a corner. Manliness gone. FML
by Anonymous / 03/29/2012 at 9:54pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
by mrricecakes / 03/23/2012 at 1:55am / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 03/16/2012 at 1:00pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 03/16/2012 at 2:02am / United States (Texas) / Kids
Today, whilst stacking the dish washer I dropped a steak knife. Luckily, I caught it just before it hit my foot. I fist-pumped to celebrate my amazing catch and stabbed myself in the cheek. My parents couldn't stop laughing all the way to the hospital. FML
by zztopspinner / 03/14/2012 at 3:11pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out that my resume contained the word "masturbation" in the skills section, courtesy of a practical joke by my best friend. I have been using this CV unsuccessfully for over two months. FML
by Anonymous / 03/13/2012 at 8:51am / Netherlands (Noord-Holland) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 02/05/2011 at 4:01am / United Kingdom (Gloucestershire) / Health
by anonymous / 01/29/2011 at 7:41am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
- Today, I found out the unionized cleaning people that empty the garbage and clean the toilets make… Today, after years of marriage and my lazy husband letting himself go, I can now finish a bottle of… Today, I was giving my guy a blowjob. When he blurted out, "Oh Jesus" I assumed I was doing a good…