lilpimpsmama

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Offline (the 12/29/2015 at 1:40am)

lilpimpsmama

0Fucked!

lilpimpsmamalilpimpsmama
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 24 August 1983 (32 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 469
  • Number of comments : 6
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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lilpimpsmama's page activity

Visits<b>becca1185</b> - the 03/23/2013 at 10:50am<b>kingsian</b> - the 02/02/2013 at 10:11am<b>yresim</b> - the 02/01/2013 at 3:26pm

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lilpimpsmama's favorite FMLs

Today, my fiancé and I broke up, and he won't answer my calls or texts. I don't want him back; he has my dog. FML

by Anonymous / 05/30/2012 at 1:25am / United States (New York) / Animals

Today, my daughter sat me down for a long talk. It turns out that she thinks she is the Chosen One. FML

Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, he called me "Mom." FML

by ohgod... / 04/01/2012 at 10:18pm / Canada (Quebec) / Intimacy

Today, I woke up to shuffling noises coming from downstairs. Suspecting the worst, I jumped out of bed, and whispered over my shoulder for my girlfriend to stay quiet. Only after going downstairs and taking a swing in the dark with my bat did I figure out it was just my girlfriend foraging for snacks. FML

by Zack / 04/01/2012 at 5:36pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I called my girlfriend saying "I think we need to break up." She said "No, I don't think so," and hung up. FML

by Jeff make / 04/01/2012 at 10:03am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, I found a used condom in my trash can. I have been happily married to my wife for 7 years, and we use other forms of birth control. FML

by Anonymous / 03/31/2012 at 12:49am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I felt manly. I spent almost the entire day peeling paint, power sanding, and applying Spackle for my grandma. Strutting with masculinity, I headed for the shower, only to let out a womanly yelp at a spider hanging at eye level around a corner. Manliness gone. FML

by Anonymous / 03/29/2012 at 9:54pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. Let's just say pubes and toilet paper residue were the least of my problems. FML

by mrricecakes / 03/23/2012 at 1:55am / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy

Today, I went to Hooters for lunch. My food was brought to me by a man. FML

by Anonymous / 03/16/2012 at 1:00pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I managed to staple my finger while showing my kindergartner class how to properly use one. FML

by Anonymous / 03/16/2012 at 2:02am / United States (Texas) / Kids

Today, I broke my little toe. It got stuck in my panties as I struggled to get a leg through. FML

by Sica / 03/15/2012 at 3:28pm / France / Health

Today, whilst stacking the dish washer I dropped a steak knife. Luckily, I caught it just before it hit my foot. I fist-pumped to celebrate my amazing catch and stabbed myself in the cheek. My parents couldn't stop laughing all the way to the hospital. FML

by zztopspinner / 03/14/2012 at 3:11pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my resume contained the word "masturbation" in the skills section, courtesy of a practical joke by my best friend. I have been using this CV unsuccessfully for over two months. FML

by Anonymous / 03/13/2012 at 8:51am / Netherlands (Noord-Holland) / Intimacy

Today, I fell over a wet floor sign warning you not to fall over. The irony hurt more than the fall. FML

by Anonymous / 02/05/2011 at 4:01am / United Kingdom (Gloucestershire) / Health

Today, my mother walked in on me and my boyfriend having sex. Afterwards, she informed me I would look a lot hotter if I smiled more. FML

by anonymous / 01/29/2011 at 7:41am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy