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lilpimpsmama's favorite FMLs
Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML
by 16590 / 06/15/2012 at 6:13pm / Sweden / Transportation
by sickness_sucks / 06/15/2012 at 2:19am / Canada (British Columbia) / Health
Today, I went to see my dermatologist friend for a free consultation on my terrible acne. During my visit, she said I probably won't be getting any more pimples. Excited, I asked her how she could tell. She replied, "There's no more room for it." FML
by ultraattitude / 06/14/2012 at 3:34pm / United States / Health
Today, I had an interview for my dream job. I was offered coffee and a donut. It was going well until I took a bite of the donut and started choking on it. I coughed so hard I ended up vomiting into his garbage can. FML
by lonelyharts86 / 06/13/2012 at 10:50am / Canada (Ontario) / Work
by brokeass / 06/13/2012 at 8:29am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up to a guy outside my house, who wanted to give me flowers and take me out on a date. Aside from it all being pretty fucking creepy anyway, the guy is my not quite right in the head second cousin, who's apparently now head-over-heels in love with me. FML
by Az / 06/12/2012 at 8:24pm / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, my father-in-law called me an idiot for buying him coffee cake because he can't have caffeine. He refuses to believe that there's as much coffee in coffee cake as there is ham in a hamburger. FML
by 635CSi / 06/06/2012 at 1:23am / United States (California) / Health
by Anonymous / 06/02/2012 at 11:16am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 06/02/2012 at 6:24am / United Kingdom (Northamptonshire) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 06/01/2012 at 10:29am / Austria (Wien) / Miscellaneous
Today, in a rush to get my clothes back on at my girlfriend's house at the sound of her parents opening the front door, I forgot to take the condom off. Her dad watched it fall out of my pant leg and onto the kitchen floor. FML
by Anonymous / 05/31/2012 at 4:53pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 05/31/2012 at 3:03pm / Canada / Miscellaneous
Today, while sitting in my Forensic Psychology class, my professor listed all of the main traits that indicate someone may very well be a sociopath. Every single trait described my fiancé perfectly. FML
by Getmeout / 05/31/2012 at 2:50am / United States (Virginia) / Love
by Brax / 05/30/2012 at 5:46am / United States / Intimacy
Today, after a surprise candlelit dinner and a two bottles of wine for my birthday, my boyfriend and I decided to take a sexy shower together. It ended with us both drunk, naked, and crying, wedged into a small tub together, talking about our dead pets. FML
by Anonymous / 05/30/2012 at 1:46am / United States (California) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…
- Today, i got up and got ready for work at 6am, having not gone to bed until 2. When i got to work,… Today, I realized that I shower just about 3 times a day just to get away from my horrible family.… Today, my parents had a family discussion about my sister's birthday plans because it was the "next…