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lilpimpsmama

Offline (the 12/29/2015 at 1:40am) | Search for a member

lilpimpsmama

0Fucked!

lilpimpsmamalilpimpsmama
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 24 August 1983 (32 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 417
  • Number of comments : 6
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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lilpimpsmama's page activity

Visits<b>becca1185</b> - the 03/23/2013 at 10:50am<b>kingsian</b> - the 02/02/2013 at 10:11am<b>yresim</b> - the 02/01/2013 at 3:26pm

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lilpimpsmama's favorite FMLs

Today, I jokingly asked my girlfriend what she got me for my half birthday, to which she replied "A baby." She was serious. FML

Today, my mom called me from jail. She was arrested for having sex in public. I was with my dad when I got the call. FML

#20135378
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53184) - you deserved it (2879)

On 10/27/2012 at 11:02am - intimacy - by Monkey (man) - United States

Today, I ran into my ex-girlfriend from 5 years back. Still bitter, I said, "Hey baby, you remember riding me 5 years ago?" I was then punched in the face and restrained until the police arrived. She'd been having an 8 year anniversary dinner with her husband. FML

#20131351
275 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19378) - you deserved it (50293)

On 10/24/2012 at 2:26pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my 14-year-old step-daughter announced that she is 4 months pregnant. The father is my 15-year-old son. FML

#20111886
520 comments

I agree, your life sucks (82573) - you deserved it (9661)

On 10/11/2012 at 10:30am - kids - by wdunn69733 - United States (Georgia)

Today, my boss fired me because of the way I laugh. Apparently it reminds him too much of his ex-wife's laugh. I'm a guy. FML

#20108910
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27094) - you deserved it (2102)

On 10/09/2012 at 9:57am - work - by Johnnogood (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my cousin suddenly confided in me that he had tried to commit suicide by overdosing when he was 17. Shocked and not knowing how to respond, I blurted out, "Did it work?" FML

#20068483
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9686) - you deserved it (32981)

On 09/12/2012 at 1:40am - misc - by hahagirl (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I realized how much it sucks to have the same name as my dad when I overheard my mom moan his name in bed. FML

#20062873
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43544) - you deserved it (2425)

On 09/08/2012 at 7:38am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my crush asked to use my phone so he could Google something. Flattered that he wanted to use my phone, I agreed. After he was done, he handed it back with a weird look. I later realized he had found himself in my top searches. FML

#20058304
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8983) - you deserved it (28986)

On 09/05/2012 at 12:29am - misc - by Gigi (woman) - United States

Today, while getting pretty intimate with my newlywed wife in the car, a cop turned his lights on. As he was walking up, I was trying to get my pants back on but they wouldn't fit over my knees. The cop just laughed and walked away. Turns out my wife had my pants on and I was trying to put hers on. FML

#20048187
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32399) - you deserved it (7431)

On 08/29/2012 at 5:37pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, while I was walking home alone, a homeless man approached me and took me by the hand. Apparently, he's been watching me for weeks and has fallen madly in love with me. He told me not to worry, though; he's not a rapist. FML

#19918640
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36355) - you deserved it (2321)

On 07/10/2012 at 12:43pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, I'm having heart surgery. The doc came in, donut in one hand and papers in another. While I was filling them out, his hands kept trembling, and he dropped the donut on the floor. He fumbled to pick it up and kept eating. The guy I'm entrusting my life to doesn't even respect the five-second rule. FML

#19914869
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28473) - you deserved it (2302)

On 07/09/2012 at 2:25pm - health - by deadman (man) - United Kingdom (Leicestershire)

Today, my wife is giving birth to our first born. I am an officer stationed overseas. Apparently, I am not only missing the birth, but I also missed the conception. FML

#19911168
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60275) - you deserved it (2777)

On 07/08/2012 at 8:30pm - love - by moodyreallyrocks - United States (Kentucky)

Today, when I told my family I was a vegetarian, I expected them to make fun of me because that's just my family. But what I wasn't expecting was my dad to use raw meat as a puppet and make it say, "Eat me! Eat me!" then throw it at my face. FML

#19823545
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25585) - you deserved it (7455)

On 06/21/2012 at 10:52am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, after careful consideration, I told my wife I really want to have kids. She laughed, until she finally realized I was serious, at which point she flicked me in the balls and said, "Problem solved." FML

#19818500
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27797) - you deserved it (3501)

On 06/20/2012 at 12:41pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was so out of it from a lack of sleep and an accidental antihistamine overdose, I tried to offer my cat a cup of tea, and actually got pissed off when he didn't reply. It took me a good five minutes to understand what just happened. FML

#19817936
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25353) - you deserved it (6307)

On 06/20/2012 at 10:09am - animals - by anonymous - United Kingdom



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