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lilpimpsmama

Offline (the 12/29/2015 at 1:40am) | Search for a member

lilpimpsmama

0Fucked!

lilpimpsmamalilpimpsmama
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 24 August 1983 (32 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 415
  • Number of comments : 6
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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lilpimpsmama's page activity

Visits<b>becca1185</b> - the 03/23/2013 at 10:50am<b>kingsian</b> - the 02/02/2013 at 10:11am<b>yresim</b> - the 02/01/2013 at 3:26pm

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lilpimpsmama's favorite FMLs

Today, I found out my husband pretends to be a young, bisexual woman online. As if that isn't bad enough, he flipped out and didn't believe me when I told him the other "young, bisexual women" he's been beating it to are probably middle-aged men too. FML

#21501454
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20589) - you deserved it (1536)

On 12/08/2015 at 11:46am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I put one of those checkout dividers in front of my groceries on the conveyor belt in the supermarket. The guy standing in front of me turned around, looked me straight in the eye and said "I don't trust you." as he put a second divider between our groceries. FML

#21490307
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22402) - you deserved it (2429)

On 11/09/2015 at 9:07am - misc - by Quendolin - Germany

Today, ten minutes into a blind date, my date said, "I don't mean to be rude, but... your face? It's the reason booze was invented." FML

#20792695
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55998) - you deserved it (4665)

On 07/19/2013 at 4:57pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Korea, Republic of (Seoul-t'ukpyolsi)

Today, I again had to quietly sneak in through my bedroom window. I don't live with my parents. I go through my window because my cat thinks everyone who walks in through the door at night is a burglar or something and attacks them. FML

#20738804
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51606) - you deserved it (10933)

On 06/21/2013 at 10:28am - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, while having sex with my husband, he accidentally elbowed me in the face. I don't know which is worse: that he didn't stop to see if I was OK, or that it seemed to turn him on and he climaxed immediately after he'd hit me. FML

#20736775
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58212) - you deserved it (5711)

On 06/20/2013 at 4:47am - intimacy - by naughtymommy0317 (woman) - United States

Today, I was out with my grandma when a pair of very shady guys approached us in the street, hands in their pockets. Without breaking stride, she pulled a knife out of her handbag and told them they'd better keep walking. They did. What the fuck, gran? FML

#20640901
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53928) - you deserved it (7554)

On 05/04/2013 at 1:05pm - misc - by emasculated 10000% (man) - Sweden (Kronobergs Lan)

Today, my mom accused me of being pregnant. She wouldn't believe me when I told her I'm a virgin, and she challenged me to take a pregnancy test. It came back with a false positive. FML

#20634792
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62599) - you deserved it (4558)

On 05/01/2013 at 1:23pm - health - by DemiRawrs - United States

Today, I was in the middle of having a shower when I noticed a camera hidden in the corner of the room pointing directly towards the shower which I stood in butt-naked. I live by myself and have recently only moved in. FML

#20627067
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65356) - you deserved it (3552)

On 04/28/2013 at 6:30am - misc - by wtfisgoingon (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend in public. She happily said yes, and the surrounding crowd cheered for us. About 10 minutes later, after the excitement died down, she leaned over and quietly said, "Actually, I don't want to marry you. I only said yes so I wouldn't disappoint the crowd." FML

#20622674
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (77864) - you deserved it (11223)

On 04/26/2013 at 5:17am - love - by Anonymous -

Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML

#20582197
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51038) - you deserved it (5202)

On 04/09/2013 at 2:01pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I received several texts congratulating me on my pregnancy. It turns out that my husband announced he is going to be a father on Facebook, which I don't use. I'm not pregnant. FML

#20536715
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43189) - you deserved it (2773)

On 03/09/2013 at 5:35am - love - by Quiteannoyed (woman) - Finland (Southern Finland)

Today, I gave birth to my daughter in a hospital corridor. The nurse who took me to my room afterward tried to comfort me by saying there've been worse incidents; she said that two years ago, a lady gave birth in the parking lot. That was me too. FML

#20521872
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60231) - you deserved it (4884) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/25/2013 at 2:47pm - health - by laprochainefoisjerestealamaison (woman) - France (Languedoc-Roussillon)

Today, while driving extremely fast on a road in the middle of nowhere, I started to go down a hill. Noticing a police car at the bottom, I slammed my brakes and blew a tire in the process. It turns out the police car was an old cutout used to trick people. FML

#20520975
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11733) - you deserved it (55300)

On 02/24/2013 at 10:41pm - misc - by Fox - United States

Today, while I was in the shower, my boyfriend decided to join me. We were really getting into it and he attempted to lift me up. Not only did I let out a massive fart, he slipped and fell on top of me. He won't stop laughing. FML

#20513159
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47030) - you deserved it (9991)

On 02/19/2013 at 3:35am - intimacy - by Anonymous -

Today, I got so lonely I decided to make sock puppets and play with them. I played for four hours straight, only to be interrupted by a phone call. I didn't answer because my sock puppets were "on a date" and I didn't want to stop playing. FML

#20489987
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33957) - you deserved it (21484)

On 02/02/2013 at 7:08am - misc - by ineedalife (woman) - Australia



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