Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

lilmzfob

Search for a member

lilmzfob

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 23 August 1994 (20 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 675
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

lilmzfob's FML badges

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

It’s in the can

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

lilmzfob's favorite FMLs

Today, I awoke to my husband donning a gorilla mask in the middle of the night. My kids have been staying in a tent out back for the past few nights, and have complained of a "monster" scaring them. I told them that it was their imagination. My husband says he gets a kick out of it. FML

#3837360
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44419) - you deserved it (6312)

On 07/17/2009 at 6:02pm - kids - by Divorcemenow (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, as I was bent over at my waitressing job an elderly woman walked by and smacked my ass. I looked at her, shocked, and she said, "It was too tempting with you bent over like that, I have a dirty old mind." I didn't know whether to be flattered or horrified. Maybe both. FML

#3661940
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43715) - you deserved it (5874)

On 07/11/2009 at 5:10am - work - by grannysmack (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I saw a spot on my computer screen. I tried to use my finger to rub it off. Then, I tried using my nail. Then I tried to windex it off. I continued scratching at it with my nail. A half hour and one scratched screen later, I realized the spot was part of the webpage I was looking at. FML

#3555384
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6989) - you deserved it (62043)

On 07/07/2009 at 2:33pm - misc - by stupid (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I woke up finding myself violently humping my pillow. My mom recorded it. FML

#3474895
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62682) - you deserved it (12175)

On 07/04/2009 at 4:58am - intimacy - by R_U_CEREAL (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I woke up finding myself violently humping my pillow. My mom recorded it. FML

#3474895
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62682) - you deserved it (12175)

On 07/04/2009 at 4:58am - intimacy - by R_U_CEREAL (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my friend sent me a bumper sticker that said, "Do you know that gullible said slowly sounds like 'green bears'?" I spent quite a few minutes trying to get gullible to sound like green bears until I realized that it didn't. FML

#3048050
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10477) - you deserved it (58956)

On 06/20/2009 at 12:09am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I found out the identity of the pervert who's been staring at me through my bedroom window in the late hours of the night. My parents and I decided to set out a trap for 'him' instead of reporting to our local cop. Turns out, we caught my 37 year-old neighbor in the act. He's the cop. FML

#2865123
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44949) - you deserved it (2331)

On 06/13/2009 at 6:46pm - misc - by Meg (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I meant to express to my friends that I was enamored with a young saleswoman I had encountered at a store. I wanted to tell them that she was quite petite and that I am, in general, attracted to petite women. Instead I said "You know? I like little girls." FML

#2556869
275 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18122) - you deserved it (55589)

On 06/03/2009 at 1:23am - love - by boinger (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to a real Japanese restaurant with my sister and mom, where you had to take off your shoes and sit on the floor. After the meal, I realized my shoes were no longer where I put them. For the seven years the restaurant has been open, I'm the first person to get their shoes stolen. FML

#2355217
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47836) - you deserved it (3152)

On 05/27/2009 at 8:51pm - misc - by Jdub (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping the dog back asserted dominance. Well, I decided to, and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" And then my mom walked in. FML

#2026481
435 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31912) - you deserved it (141216)

On 05/17/2009 at 7:40pm - animals - by sucks (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my 6 year old daughter walked in on my husband and I getting it on. Now she won't stop 'pretending to be daddy' against items of furniture. We have guests coming round in three hours. FML

#1942963
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30642) - you deserved it (42857)

On 05/14/2009 at 8:03pm - kids - by Jessica (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my mom told me to follow her car closely to my aunt's house. I kept really close to her which caused me to get pulled over for tailgating. I explained everything to the cop so he went over to my mom to see if that was the truth. My mom said she didn't know me. I got a ticket. Thanks mom. FML

#1828109
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72866) - you deserved it (4813)

On 05/10/2009 at 8:55pm - misc - by newdriver (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I turned 18. My parents gave me a card that read "now that you're 18, it's time for some boozy fun... you can do all the things you did before but legally!" Taped to the inside was my fake id that I "lost" three months ago. FML

#1418497
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13474) - you deserved it (60631)

On 04/28/2009 at 10:12am - misc - by owned (woman) - Singapore

Today, my mom made me clean. I was dusting in the living room and heard gunshots outside the apartment. I dove on the floor and started crying and screaming. My mom walked in and informed me that the sound was her making popcorn. FML

#1183263
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12908) - you deserved it (64758)

On 04/21/2009 at 1:20am - misc - by Chelsea (woman) - United States (Alabama)



FML's blog

  • Jim Trim's Illustrated FML
  • Action stations! I'm back from my holiday, I've got some sort of weirdly uneven tan and I already want to go back to the beach to bum about and finish off my colouring book. But I can't. I'm still…

Friday 29 August 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: