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lilmzfob's favorite FMLs
Today, the satellite radio at work went on the fritz, playing one song over and over. Management wouldn't turn it off, though, because then customers would miss out on all those upcoming-sale announcements that run intermittently. Meanwhile, I got to listen to "Footloose" for eight hours. FML
by PunchingKennyLoggins / 03/15/2010 at 9:33am / United States (Texas) / Work
Today, I had a strong feeling that someone was watching me as I was undressing to get ready for bed. I conspicuously moved to the door and threw it open to find my step-brother clearly spying on me. We are the same age, live in the same house three weeks a month and in the same English class. FML
by meowtickmeow / 03/11/2010 at 8:18pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by anonymous / 03/09/2010 at 1:43am / Australia (Victoria) / Love
Today, I was on the city bus, and there was a woman and her child sitting behind me. I began to feel tugging on my jacket so I leaned forward, assuming the child was pulling at my jacket. I sat back and felt the tugging again. After a couple of minutes, I heard the mother say "stop chewing on that!" FML
by nd.11 / 03/01/2010 at 11:59am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
Today, I was chatting with my boyfriend and his mates barefoot on the grass. I suddenly felt something flick across my feet, so I let out a startled scream. Turns out it was my toe hairs rustling in the breeze. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were asleep. Evidently, he was dreaming about being a UFC fighter, because, out of no where, he grabs the back of my head and punches me in the nose. I haven't been able to breathe right out of my nose all day. FML
by anonymous / 02/27/2010 at 11:06am / United States / Love
Today, my husband and I took a walk on the wharf. We walked by a Wax Museum and in front of the museum there was a bench with a very realistic wax man sitting on it. I got very close to his face and yelled over to my husband how realistic the wax man looked. Just then, he coughed. FML
by Anonymous / 02/13/2010 at 8:21pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by CheeseMonsters / 01/24/2010 at 7:28am / United Kingdom (Reading) / Animals
by Funnymann / 01/22/2010 at 3:51pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Rin / 01/15/2010 at 3:02am / United States (California) / Love
Today, I was on Facebook when I saw a link about what Pokémon would look like if they had genitals. I'm not quite sure why, but I decided to click it, and at that exact moment, my brother and his friend walked in. They told my mom I was looking at Pokémon porn. I'll never be able to live this down. FML
by grounded / 01/03/2010 at 11:40am / United Kingdom (Gloucestershire) / Intimacy
Today, I had one more gift to buy: a copy of Fight Club. I asked a person working at Best Buy if they had any in stock. The man wouldn't sell me the last copy because I had broken the first two rules. FML
by Anonymous / 12/24/2009 at 3:10pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, while my boyfriend was sleeping, I got naked and sat on top of him. He woke up and I asked him if he would rather stay awake or go back to sleep, in hopes that he would stay awake and want to do some naughty stuff with me. His response? To grab my butt, and then go back to sleep. FML
by Anonymous / 12/21/2009 at 3:29am / United States (Rhode Island) / Intimacy
Today, I was changing the oil on my car. I decided to pretend I was delivering a baby as I was removing the oil filter. I got really into it and was screaming things like "I see the head," and when I removed it, I said "Oh, it's a boy!" As I reach for my rag to clean it, I saw my neighbor's boots. FML
by nwalsh2009 / 12/17/2009 at 11:29pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Transportation
Today, after having a shower, I walked back into my room butt naked. As I looked up I saw the window cleaner staring right at me. I looked. He looked. And without thinking I dropped straight to the floor to hid myself, then realized my naked butt was still staring right at him. FML
by Anonymous / 12/10/2009 at 2:51pm / United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire) / Intimacy
- Today while walking to the shop under the blistering African sun, I stepped on something that stuck… Today, after asking my manager how his day was going he explained that he stopped drinking and was… Today, I was complaining to a coworker about how my manager had changed my schedule without telling…