Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

lilmzfob

Search for a member

lilmzfob

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 23 August 1994 (19 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 636
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

lilmzfob's FML badges

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

It’s in the can

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

lilmzfob's favorite FMLs

Today, I tried to comfort my daughter who'd been crying non-stop for hours. She thinks Chuck Norris is coming to kill her, and I can't convince her otherwise. FML

#16936128
307 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34721) - you deserved it (4822)

On 07/01/2011 at 1:42pm - kids - by parenting sucks - United States (New York)

Today, as I was going to bed, I spotted a man staring at my window from a neighbor's yard. Ten minutes later, he was still there. I freaked out, started crying, and contemplated calling the cops. My creeper turned out to be the neighbor's wooden lawn ornament. FML

#16925056
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10899) - you deserved it (31584)

On 06/30/2011 at 5:10pm - misc - by Nell (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, as I was walking home from work, my dad drove past, pulled over, rolled down the window and asked, "Are you tired of walking?" To which I replied "Yes!" Just as I reached for the car door, he yelled "RUN A WHILE" and sped off. FML

#16914015
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28849) - you deserved it (4171)

On 06/29/2011 at 9:32pm - misc - by RYZILLAHitZ - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was making pudding and accidentally spilt some on the floor. I had no idea until I slipped in it, throwing the bowl of pudding on my head. My mom promised to take me to the hospital as soon as she got a picture. FML

#16913093
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27426) - you deserved it (4973)

On 06/29/2011 at 8:04pm - health - by Jenna - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was eating Star Wars gummy candies and I bit R2-D2 in half. My girlfriend looked at it and said "Oh look, now he's R1-D1". It was super cute, but I couldn't help thinking, "That's not how the numbering system works for droids." FML

#16657656
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12573) - you deserved it (46008)

On 06/14/2011 at 6:04am - misc - by techiefIve (man) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend and I were taking a shower together. We were fooling around when she takes the shower head and starts spraying my penis with it. I asked her "what are you doing?" Her response: "I'm watering it to make it grow." FML

#16399874
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53498) - you deserved it (9978)

On 05/29/2011 at 10:04am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I started petting my cousin's Doberman. Now, whenever I stop he growls menacingly. FML

#16166972
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28114) - you deserved it (4847)

On 05/14/2011 at 1:44am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I had a full on "conversation" with my cat about her laying off the catnip. I really need to get out more. FML

#16138835
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11205) - you deserved it (23760)

On 05/12/2011 at 12:41am - animals - by Anonymous -

Today, my house was robbed while I sat helplessly on the toilet with violent diarrhoea. I could hear them laughing hysterically. FML

#15922476
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43089) - you deserved it (4515)

On 04/25/2011 at 5:39pm - misc - by Mike -

Today, at 5:30 in the morning while I was fast asleep, my cat decided the most threatening thing in my apartment that absolutely needed to be attacked was my left nipple. FML

#15896173
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28327) - you deserved it (3967)

On 04/23/2011 at 9:11am - health - by cdn_steed - United States (New York)

Today, in order to avoid seeing my ex-girlfriend in class, I changed my schedule for "personal reasons." Apparently she had the same idea and changed her schedule as well. We now have all the same classes together. Before, we had just two. FML

#15879148
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29463) - you deserved it (8850)

On 04/21/2011 at 9:53pm - love - by fatcat117 (man) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, it's been 5 years I've been working for a man that won't admit he has Tourette's. He sits at his desk, twitching his head and hissing like a snake. He's also randomly said things like 'nipples', 'Jessica Simpson', 'potato peeler', etc. I feel like it's become my job to warn new employees. FML

#15858383
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28563) - you deserved it (4108)

On 04/20/2011 at 11:25am - work - by ShakeRattleHiss (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my dad set my hair on fire while cooking. He then tried to convince me that it spontaneously combusted. FML

#15748072
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28816) - you deserved it (2911)

On 04/11/2011 at 11:07pm - health - by ILiveWithMorons (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I rushed my dog to the vet because he was foaming at the mouth. I returned home with a bill for $200 and a dog who apparently has a thing for marshmallows. FML

#15198573
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28656) - you deserved it (5710)

On 03/04/2011 at 5:57pm - money - by duncanisgey - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, my girlfriend called me and asked me if I wanted to have phone sex with her. We got into it. It took us 13 minutes to figure out my mom had been on the other line the whole time. FML

#15059457
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33402) - you deserved it (12157)

On 02/21/2011 at 12:01am - intimacy - by anonymous -



FML's blog

  • Élodie's Illustrated FML
  • Aaaaah, the beach, the sunshine, cool water against our skin...  Nah, just kidding, I can't afford a trip to the beach. This blog is being written from a grotty apartment in the less salubrious parts of…

Friday 18 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: