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lilmzfob's favorite FMLs
by parenting sucks / 07/01/2011 at 1:42pm / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, as I was going to bed, I spotted a man staring at my window from a neighbor's yard. Ten minutes later, he was still there. I freaked out, started crying, and contemplated calling the cops. My creeper turned out to be the neighbor's wooden lawn ornament. FML
by Nell / 06/30/2011 at 5:10pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, as I was walking home from work, my dad drove past, pulled over, rolled down the window and asked, "Are you tired of walking?" To which I replied "Yes!" Just as I reached for the car door, he yelled "RUN A WHILE" and sped off. FML
by RYZILLAHitZ / 06/29/2011 at 9:32pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was making pudding and accidentally spilt some on the floor. I had no idea until I slipped in it, throwing the bowl of pudding on my head. My mom promised to take me to the hospital as soon as she got a picture. FML
by Jenna / 06/29/2011 at 8:04pm / United States (Georgia) / Health
Today, I was eating Star Wars gummy candies and I bit R2-D2 in half. My girlfriend looked at it and said "Oh look, now he's R1-D1". It was super cute, but I couldn't help thinking, "That's not how the numbering system works for droids." FML
by techiefIve / 06/14/2011 at 6:04am / United States (California) / Geek
Today, my girlfriend and I were taking a shower together. We were fooling around when she takes the shower head and starts spraying my penis with it. I asked her "what are you doing?" Her response: "I'm watering it to make it grow." FML
by Anonymous / 05/29/2011 at 10:04am / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 05/14/2011 at 1:44am / United States (Louisiana) / Animals
by cdn_steed / 04/23/2011 at 9:11am / United States (New York) / Animals
Today, in order to avoid seeing my ex-girlfriend in class, I changed my schedule for "personal reasons." Apparently she had the same idea and changed her schedule as well. We now have all the same classes together. Before, we had just two. FML
by fatcat117 / 04/21/2011 at 9:53pm / United States (New Mexico) / Love
Today, it's been 5 years I've been working for a man that won't admit he has Tourette's. He sits at his desk, twitching his head and hissing like a snake. He's also randomly said things like 'nipples', 'Jessica Simpson', 'potato peeler', etc. I feel like it's become my job to warn new employees. FML
by ShakeRattleHiss / 04/20/2011 at 11:25am / Canada (Ontario) / Work
by ILiveWithMorons / 04/11/2011 at 11:07pm / United States (Virginia) / Health
by duncanisgey / 03/04/2011 at 5:57pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Animals
- Today, my boyfriend and I were making out when he sweetly whispered in my ear "it's not gonna suck… Today, I was watching TV with my mom. The new Trojan Ecstasy condom commercial came on. I sat there… Today, while having sex with my girlfriend on the bathroom floor, I felt something tickle my balls.…
- Today, I’m on vacation in Japan. Hungry, I went to a restaurant. Looking at photos of the food, I… Today, I told my son off because he lost a form. A form that I later found in my right-hand pocket.… Today, I’m in Thailand and I met a monk. The conversation was so deep and interesting that, without…