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lilmzfob

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lilmzfob

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 23 August 1994 (20 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 698
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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It’s in the can

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lilmzfob's favorite FMLs

Today, I caught my boyfriend wearing yoga pants and taking pictures of his butt to post on a "Girls in yoga pants" site. He saw my expression and said, "Nah, it's cool, I hid my junk so they'll think it's a chick!" FML

#20451178
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39059) - you deserved it (5377)

On 01/10/2013 at 12:09am - intimacy - by Amy (woman) - United States

Today, someone painted the "Dark Mark" on the side of my car. It won't come off and my kids refuse to get in because it means "a wizard died in there." FML

#20407286
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33037) - you deserved it (3605)

On 12/19/2012 at 9:59am - kids - by spellbound - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, during a conversation, my boss said, "What, what?" Before I could stop myself, I replied, "In the butt." FML

#20191552
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11910) - you deserved it (28051)

On 12/04/2012 at 9:43pm - work - by whitecollar - United Kingdom (York)

Today, I realized that I spend the same amount of money on my phone bill as I do on Nutella. FML

#20123737
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7623) - you deserved it (23796)

On 10/19/2012 at 10:19am - health - by Nutellalover (man) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, my sister thought it would be funny to place a cardboard cut-out of a person at the foot of my bed. I woke up, saw the cut-out from the corner of my eye, fell out of bed, landed on my hand wrong, and broke two fingers. She got it all on video. FML

#20110797
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20726) - you deserved it (1888)

On 10/10/2012 at 5:44pm - misc - by scaredofcutouts (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, while getting pretty intimate with my newlywed wife in the car, a cop turned his lights on. As he was walking up, I was trying to get my pants back on but they wouldn't fit over my knees. The cop just laughed and walked away. Turns out my wife had my pants on and I was trying to put hers on. FML

#20048187
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28253) - you deserved it (6780)

On 08/29/2012 at 5:37pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my identical twin sister's boyfriend walked over to me, and whispered in my ear, "I know what you look like naked." FML

#19776975
289 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40778) - you deserved it (3868)

On 06/12/2012 at 2:28pm - misc - by creeped out - United States (New York)

Today, I was using a public toilet when someone entered the stall next to mine. Instead of using the facilities, the person in there reached under the stall to steal my bag. Fortunately, I was holding the strap so they couldn't take it. Unfortunately, they decided to take my right shoe instead. FML

Today, after a very painful mouth surgery, I went home to take a nap. Then my nose started bleeding, so I stuck a tissue in it and fell asleep. When I woke up, I was so high from painkillers that when I saw the tissue, I thought it was a ghost. I screamed so loud I burst a stitch. FML

#19750023
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30461) - you deserved it (4572)

On 06/07/2012 at 2:12pm - health - by LaurenB (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I approached a cute girl at a club, when she started barking at me like a rabid dog. Thinking she might be mentally unhinged, I left, only to see the same girl laughing her ass off with her friends minutes later. When I went back over, her friends started barking at me too. FML

#19739013
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24224) - you deserved it (5856)

On 06/05/2012 at 3:34pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Idaho)

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me in a restaurant in front of a lot of people. Once I said yes, some guy yelled out, "SEX. SEX. SEX." My boyfriend yelled back, "LATER!" FML

#19734660
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28720) - you deserved it (6026)

On 06/04/2012 at 7:50pm - intimacy - by BooBabe (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I said to my boyfriend that he makes the same noises when he smells bacon as he does when we have sex. Now everytime we have sex, he whispers "Bacon..." in my ear. FML

#19719748
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14984) - you deserved it (28418)

On 06/02/2012 at 6:24am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)

Today, my boyfriend called me, panicking. Apparently he had a headache, but wasn't concentrating on what tablets he grabbed, and accidentally took tablets for "relief of period pain". He was convinced he was going to grow ovaries overnight. FML

#19697677
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23100) - you deserved it (2452)

On 05/29/2012 at 3:54am - health - by sopheeah - Australia (Victoria)

Today, at work, my friend dared me to answer the next call on my phone by saying, "This is your local sperm bank. You jack it, we pack it." I did it. The person on the phone was my boss. FML

#19682982
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10492) - you deserved it (40625)

On 05/26/2012 at 10:42am - intimacy - by girly girly - United States (Texas)

Today, I got home to find our house broken into. Among other things, the thieves took our television, my laptop and several pieces of expensive jewelry. Also missing was my daughter's My Little Pony collection. I think we were robbed by a Brony. FML

#19450814
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23829) - you deserved it (1871)

On 04/11/2012 at 5:41pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)



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