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lifesucks0294's FML badges
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
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lifesucks0294's favorite FMLs
by Taylor / 04/21/2014 at 12:04am / United States (Iowa) / Intimacy
by burnmyeyes / 04/19/2014 at 5:26pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
Today, my friends hired a male stripper to give me a lap dance for my birthday. It was all pretty nice until he let rip one of the most nauseating farts I've ever encountered, right in my face. Hours later, I can still smell it. FML
by polebitch49 / 03/14/2014 at 4:45pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by dancekat / 04/08/2013 at 5:17am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, I awoke to my husband talking to someone on the phone at 2am. I heard him say, "Baby you're making me hard." Immediately, I asked him who he was talking to. His response? "It's Jake, from State Farm." FML
by anonymous / 03/27/2013 at 7:55pm / United States (Hawaii) / Intimacy
Today, while at a boring lecture, I heard some people behind me whispering and laughing. I turned around, wondering what was so funny, which made them laugh even more. I then realised it looked like I'd been giving my pen a blowjob for the last 10 minutes. FML
by gayboii / 03/19/2011 at 5:37pm / United Kingdom (Glasgow City) / Intimacy
Today, I was performing an experiment in science class. The prac required me to shake up a test tube filled with different materials. Taking the test tube in one hand, I shook it up and down. My teacher then stood next to me and said, "It's disturbing how good you are at that." FML
by Anonymous / 11/06/2009 at 8:02pm / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy
by sexychica / 07/21/2009 at 1:45pm / United States (Illinois) / Love
Today, I came home to find a BMW partially blocking my driveway. I was already having a bad day, and was upset that some stuck up fool blocked my driveway, so I keyed the driver's side. 5 minutes later my parents show up. The BMW was a graduation gift for me. FML
by Stoopid / 07/07/2009 at 1:25pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by Noname / 03/12/2009 at 8:38pm / United States (New York) / Money
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- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…
- Today, is my first day of recovery in a full right arm cast. Broke it on the last possible free day… Today, I felt like surprising my boyfriend. I put on some sexy lingerie and high heels and waited… Today, while showing a group of guys my heavy bag routine at the gym, I attempted to perform a high…
- Today, at Toronto airport, the customs officer checked my passport, then called his colleagues to… Today, I threw up when I got home because I'd been drinking with friends. My parents asked what was… Today, my boyfriend wanted to show me that he listened to me yesterday: I said that I loved unusual…