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lifeftl
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  • Number of visits : 10354
  • Number of comments : 21
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Today, I went swimming with this guy I like at dammed river. While we were jumping off the dam, I decided to try to impress him by doing a front flip. I didn't jump far enough off, so when I went to flip, my face skidded down the concrete wall. FML

#3486343
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29545) - you deserved it (38627)

On 07/04/2009 at 6:46pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was taking a nap. Apparently, my two year old daughter decided to crawl on top of the covers on my bed because she was scared since there was a thunder storm. I thought she was one of our cats so I kicked her off. She hit the wall. FML

#2532710
1157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69230) - you deserved it (179646)

On 06/02/2009 at 2:03pm - animals - by fmlfmlfml (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was at a frat band party dancing with my girl when I felt some liquid on my arm. Normally, I'll lick spilled drinks off my arms and being slightly intoxicated, I did. Then I realized it was chunky. The girl dancing next to us had puked everywhere and I licked her vomit off my arm. FML

#1080598
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26461) - you deserved it (98724)

On 04/18/2009 at 6:42am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I was flirting via text with a coworker. Things started getting heated, and I wanted to send her a sexy picture. I asked if she had any suggestions. She said, "Your nuts!" She meant, "YOU'RE nuts." I sent her a photo of my junk. I offended a co-worker with incriminating evidence. FML

#869850
339 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34990) - you deserved it (87233)

On 04/08/2009 at 12:10pm - intimacy - by blizzard_of_77 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I slept over at my friend's house but forgot my glasses. When I woke up in the morning, I came out of his room and forcefully kicked what I thought was a soccer ball on the floor. Turns out it was his miniature poodle - it fell down a long flight of stairs. FML

#459087
281 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26248) - you deserved it (99367)

On 03/19/2009 at 1:15am - misc - by JohnMackSquirts (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was walking up to girlfriends house when her terrifying Marine Corps dad threw a football at me. Not being very athletic i surprised myself by catching it. He gestured for me throw it back and i watched it spiral wildy to the left and hit my girlfriends mom in the face. FML

#433084
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71232) - you deserved it (13180)

On 03/18/2009 at 1:41am - misc - by Jaxter (man) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I decided to ask my friend to the school dance. It's one where the girls ask the guys. I spent hours placing signs down his street so he would see them on his way home. As I'm waiting in his driveway with balloons I see his car reverse and go the other direction. FML

#415998
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (80750) - you deserved it (17733)

On 03/17/2009 at 4:44pm - misc - by SmileEveryday (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I texted my boyfriend of 6 months saying that I was in the mood, and that I was in bed, and naked. He texted back saying "U got fingers, use them, im going to bed xoxo". FML

#405303
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (131468) - you deserved it (35668)

On 03/17/2009 at 1:06am - intimacy - by princess (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I bit my boyfriend's neck. I felt something squirt into my mouth. Turns out I had just popped a pimple on his neck. Into my mouth. FML

#361047
1198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (616885) - you deserved it (413734)

On 03/15/2009 at 10:20pm - misc - by KAAALIS (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was sitting in Science class and to my surprise I felt my pants suddenly becoming warm and wet. I looked behind me to see that 4 boys from my class had inserted a small funnel into my exposed buttcrack and where pouring the melted butter from the experiment into that area. FML

#260451
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (82169) - you deserved it (24197)

On 03/10/2009 at 1:13pm - misc - by Sarah - United Kingdom (Bolton)

Today, I was sitting in Science class and to my surprise I felt my pants suddenly becoming warm and wet. I looked behind me to see that 4 boys from my class had inserted a small funnel into my exposed buttcrack and where pouring the melted butter from the experiment into that area. FML

#260451
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (82169) - you deserved it (24197)

On 03/10/2009 at 1:13pm - misc - by Sarah - United Kingdom (Bolton)

Today, I had a job interview. I stopped to take a pee in the lobby before I went in. I relaxed a bit too much at the urinal and accidentally farted. I chuckled about it like a 5-year old for a few seconds. The guy that had been next to me at the urinal was the interviewer. FML

#253814
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17601) - you deserved it (40689)

On 03/09/2009 at 6:45pm - work - by ADH2000 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, at work, I was alone in the breakroom when I got a slight pain in my belly. I thought I needed to pass gas, so I tried since no one else was in there. It wasn't gas. It was diarrhea. I'm wearing a mini skirt today. FML

#242337
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56076) - you deserved it (15811)

On 03/08/2009 at 2:37pm - work - by squirty_joe (woman) - United States



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