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lexithepirate

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lexithepirate
  • Town/Country : Pills Creek, US
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 14 August 1996 (17 years)
  • Number of visits : 528
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

About lexithepirate : I have snakebites. And I'm taken by a nerd :p He's the best :'3
Music: Asking Alexandria, Mayday Parade, Black Veil Brides, Pierce The Veil, A Day To Remember, Breaking Benjamin, La Dispute, Of Mice & Men, Falling In Reverse.
Message me if you would like to. My Skype is lexithepirate, add me c:

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lexithepirate's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend decided that he didn't need a real job. He wants to sell pot for a living. Or hang drywall. He can't decide. FML

#19444005
319 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20881) - you deserved it (4744)

On 04/10/2012 at 4:57pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was so baked out of my mind that I argued with my parakeet over who farted. I could be wrong, but I think I lost the argument. Worse still, my boyfriend had been standing in the doorway long enough to hear everything, even me farting. FML

#19406343
337 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7201) - you deserved it (34321)

On 04/04/2012 at 12:14pm - misc - by woohoo420 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my four-year-old son decided to bite my butt during prayer at church. The entire sanctuary heard me instinctively swear at him. FML

#19401263
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12206) - you deserved it (20607)

On 04/03/2012 at 2:19pm - kids - by potatoebee - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I had to explain to my 15-year-old son why it wouldn't be a good idea to include a picture of the red Power Ranger in his "Weapons throughout history" project. FML

#19365320
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14038) - you deserved it (2544)

On 03/28/2012 at 6:49pm - kids - by laststand11 - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I found out my 12 year old daughter is going through a bit of an "emotional" stage. I got a call from her school saying she was sitting in the corner at recess trying to cut her wrist. With a plastic spoon. FML

#19350596
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22944) - you deserved it (4441)

On 03/26/2012 at 10:54am - kids - by ohhdear.___. (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I received the first compliment from the opposite sex that I've gotten in months, from an elderly, cross-dressing man in the parking lot of Goodwill. Apparently my clothes look like they'd be "exciting to try on." FML

#19129849
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18695) - you deserved it (2370)

On 02/21/2012 at 7:44am - misc - by mishie1 (woman) - United States

Today, I overheard my fourteen year old daughter talking on the phone. Apparently, as of last night, she and her best friend have their "official licenses in muff diving". FML

#19124149
381 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23466) - you deserved it (3737)

On 02/20/2012 at 4:19pm - intimacy - by Gavin - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)

Today, I had to change my mobile number because I was getting abused by a guy, so I sent my new number to all of the people on my contact list. Including him. FML

#18982881
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7880) - you deserved it (32431)

On 02/03/2012 at 7:48am - misc - by Jodie - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML

#18954927
265 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28940) - you deserved it (4754)

On 01/30/2012 at 7:25pm - intimacy - by ugh (man) - United States

Today, I found out if I refuse my boyfriend anything in public, he will continually yell out, "Penis!" until he gets his way. FML

#18837069
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20253) - you deserved it (6100)

On 01/17/2012 at 6:41pm - misc - by anon. (woman) - United States

Today, I sat on the kitchen counter in my boxers for ten minutes running my feet under hot water. Why? Because my dad thought it would be funny to superglue my feet together. FML

#18491637
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27775) - you deserved it (2603)

On 12/12/2011 at 1:38am - misc - by lucas - United States (Alaska)

Today, my husband and I got into an argument. I tried to assault him with a laptop. He yelled, "Don't hit me with the computer." My apartment neighbor yelled through the wall, "Do what you gotta do, girl." FML

#18439975
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13309) - you deserved it (37033)

On 12/05/2011 at 9:31pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was casually shopping at Walmart. Everything was normal until the young guy browsing the aisle next to me suddenly approached me and whispered "sperm" into my ear. My spine has never experienced a chill like this one before. FML

#18398754
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27401) - you deserved it (3489)

On 11/30/2011 at 10:11pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend dropped by my work to break up with me. I had to go the rest of my shift with a smile, fighting back tears. I work as the Cinderella at Disney Land. FML

#18358033
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64582) - you deserved it (3099)

On 11/26/2011 at 4:54pm - love - by notsohappilyeverafter - United States (California)

Today, I bought weed for the first time. The dealer was an undercover cop. FML



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