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lexithepirate

Offline (the 11/10/2014 at 2:15pm) | Search for a member

lexithepirate

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lexithepirate
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Thursday 15 August 1996 (18 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 843
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 7 posted

About lexithepirate : I'm a loser and my whole life is an embarrassment

lexithepirate's page activity

Visits<b>eppsepepsi</b> - the 01/15/2014 at 12:02am<b>cslaughterj</b> - the 03/19/2013 at 1:07am<b>starflyer59</b> - the 01/26/2013 at 6:50pm<b>ICastillo</b> - the 01/10/2013 at 3:47pm<b>Covenant74</b> - the 01/06/2013 at 2:47pm<b>MaxG123</b> - the 01/01/2013 at 8:08am<b>heliraptor</b> - the 12/31/2012 at 5:23am<b>imgonnawreckit</b> - the 12/30/2012 at 1:46am<b>Kidkaplan</b> - the 12/29/2012 at 8:48pm<b>GabrielleFrance</b> - the 12/29/2012 at 12:40pm<b>pistolpete85</b> - the 12/29/2012 at 11:20am<b>hannnahmarie</b> - the 12/28/2012 at 7:36pm<b>Schizomaniac</b> - the 12/28/2012 at 7:39am<b>pmac1345</b> - the 12/27/2012 at 5:22pm<b>flupsht</b> - the 12/25/2012 at 9:23pm<b>B5B0N35</b> - the 12/24/2012 at 12:23pm<b>krystle817</b> - the 12/24/2012 at 4:38am<b>olpally</b> - the 12/24/2012 at 2:02am

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lexithepirate's favorite FMLs

Today, I found out that I am allergic to grass, and not supposed to mow lawns. My job is mowing lawns. FML

#19630951
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22721) - you deserved it (1966)

On 05/16/2012 at 3:36am - work - by jobless - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I realized just how bad my problem with making eye contact is, when I caught myself looking the other way when the singer in a music video looked directly at the camera. FML

#19522218
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19803) - you deserved it (4322)

On 04/24/2012 at 2:49pm - misc - by suhleedah18 - United States

Today, while putting on a load of laundry, I squeezed the detergent bottle and it made a noise like a woman's orgasm. After laughing, I realised that I'm probably too immature to be washing my own clothes. FML

#19521311
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9629) - you deserved it (24019)

On 04/24/2012 at 10:03am - intimacy - by mmmtortilla (woman) - Spain (Pais Vasco)

Today, my boyfriend decided that he didn't need a real job. He wants to sell pot for a living. Or hang drywall. He can't decide. FML

#19444005
315 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26828) - you deserved it (6231)

On 04/10/2012 at 4:57pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was so baked out of my mind that I argued with my parakeet over who farted. I could be wrong, but I think I lost the argument. Worse still, my boyfriend had been standing in the doorway long enough to hear everything, even me farting. FML

#19406343
336 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7938) - you deserved it (36525)

On 04/04/2012 at 12:14pm - misc - by woohoo420 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my four-year-old son decided to bite my butt during prayer at church. The entire sanctuary heard me instinctively swear at him. FML

#19401263
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14161) - you deserved it (23528)

On 04/03/2012 at 2:19pm - kids - by potatoebee - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I had to explain to my 15-year-old son why it wouldn't be a good idea to include a picture of the red Power Ranger in his "Weapons throughout history" project. FML

#19365320
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16719) - you deserved it (2818)

On 03/28/2012 at 6:49pm - kids - by laststand11 - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I found out my 12 year old daughter is going through a bit of an "emotional" stage. I got a call from her school saying she was sitting in the corner at recess trying to cut her wrist. With a plastic spoon. FML

#19350596
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27763) - you deserved it (4900)

On 03/26/2012 at 10:54am - kids - by ohhdear.___. (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I received the first compliment from the opposite sex that I've gotten in months, from an elderly, cross-dressing man in the parking lot of Goodwill. Apparently my clothes look like they'd be "exciting to try on." FML

#19129849
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19688) - you deserved it (2477)

On 02/21/2012 at 7:44am - misc - by mishie1 (woman) - United States

Today, I overheard my fourteen year old daughter talking on the phone. Apparently, as of last night, she and her best friend have their "official licenses in muff diving". FML

#19124149
381 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26314) - you deserved it (4059)

On 02/20/2012 at 4:19pm - intimacy - by Gavin - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)

Today, I couldn’t have a conversation with my fiancé unless it was about Dragon Ball Z. FML

#19122021
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20759) - you deserved it (6748)

On 02/20/2012 at 10:53am - love - by DBZ (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I had to change my mobile number because I was getting abused by a guy, so I sent my new number to all of the people on my contact list. Including him. FML

#18982881
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9640) - you deserved it (44411)

On 02/03/2012 at 7:48am - misc - by Jodie - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML

#18954927
264 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30948) - you deserved it (4973)

On 01/30/2012 at 7:25pm - intimacy - by ugh (man) - United States

Today, I found out if I refuse my boyfriend anything in public, he will continually yell out, "Penis!" until he gets his way. FML

#18837069
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25470) - you deserved it (7936)

On 01/17/2012 at 6:41pm - misc - by anon. (woman) - United States

Today, I sat on the kitchen counter in my boxers for ten minutes running my feet under hot water. Why? Because my dad thought it would be funny to superglue my feet together. FML

#18491637
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29395) - you deserved it (2727)

On 12/12/2011 at 1:38am - misc - by lucas - United States (Alaska)



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