Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

lexithepirate

Online | Search for a member

lexithepirate

0Liked!

lexithepirate
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Thursday 15 August 1996 (18 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 907
  • Number of comments : 5
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 7 posted

About lexithepirate : I'm a loser and my whole life is an embarrassment

lexithepirate's page activity

Visits<b>connorgrant98</b> - the 12/01/2014 at 9:54pm<b>Qele</b> - the 12/01/2014 at 2:39pm<b>powerkeep</b> - the 12/01/2014 at 12:51pm<b>Nordrag</b> - the 12/01/2014 at 12:46pm<b>katachristic</b> - the 12/01/2014 at 12:32pm<b>eppsepepsi</b> - the 01/15/2014 at 12:02am<b>cslaughterj</b> - the 03/19/2013 at 1:07am<b>starflyer59</b> - the 01/26/2013 at 6:50pm<b>ICastillo</b> - the 01/10/2013 at 3:47pm<b>Covenant74</b> - the 01/06/2013 at 2:47pm<b>MaxG123</b> - the 01/01/2013 at 8:08am<b>heliraptor</b> - the 12/31/2012 at 5:23am<b>imgonnawreckit</b> - the 12/30/2012 at 1:46am<b>Kidkaplan</b> - the 12/29/2012 at 8:48pm<b>GabrielleFrance</b> - the 12/29/2012 at 12:40pm<b>pistolpete85</b> - the 12/29/2012 at 11:20am<b>hannnahmarie</b> - the 12/28/2012 at 7:36pm<b>Schizomaniac</b> - the 12/28/2012 at 7:39am

lexithepirate's FML badges

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

Socialite

You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…

See all of lexithepirate's badges

lexithepirate's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend got a new tattoo. It was a big tattoo of Pikachu on his hip. I told him now I'd feel like I was having sex with an 8-year-old boy. His defense? "No, no, think of it as having sex with Pikachu!" He still refuses to understand why that's weird. FML

#20050023
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24577) - you deserved it (4892)

On 08/30/2012 at 9:08pm - intimacy - by Kat (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I had to explain to my teacher that Czechoslovakia is no longer a country. She kicked me out of class when she found out I was right. FML

#20049540
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26494) - you deserved it (1731)

On 08/30/2012 at 2:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Maine)

Today, I found out that I'm not actually allergic to chocolate, when my mom freely admitted to me that she made it up when I was a child because she didn't want to share any cookies with me. FML

#20049241
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32814) - you deserved it (1687)

On 08/30/2012 at 8:58am - misc - by Sarah - United States (New York)

Today, I had to force myself to take a dump at school, even though I have severe restroom anxiety and shyness. I had finally relaxed enough to go when the tornado drills went off mid-dump, and 46 students and teachers packed into the bathroom with me. FML

#20048959
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33042) - you deserved it (2236)

On 08/30/2012 at 1:55am - misc - by DamnTornadoAlley - United States (Texas)

Today, while I was at work, a coworker began ranting about his theory that the government is going to create a disease that sterilises everyone, and use the antidote to control the population. I was just trying to take a crap in the stall next to him. FML

#20048023
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17114) - you deserved it (1520)

On 08/29/2012 at 3:19pm - work - by Pooping - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my boyfriend told me that he had once been possessed by demons, and that he now sleeps with a knife under his pillow for protection from, "The dark spirits that are feasting upon his soul." I'm not sure that I'll be sleeping over anytime soon. FML

#20046142
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19535) - you deserved it (2159)

On 08/28/2012 at 11:56am - love - by StillBetterThanTwilight (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my son, who seems to think that he is a "gangsta" despite being a white boy from the suburbs, cried because I accidentally burned his grilled cheese. He's 28. FML

#20045566
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29835) - you deserved it (5718)

On 08/28/2012 at 12:29am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my girlfriend's phone was stolen. I have no idea who I've been sexting the entire afternoon. FML

#20033737
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29142) - you deserved it (8313)

On 08/21/2012 at 11:29am - intimacy - by Sexting (man) - United States

Today, I found out that two kids were able to, without much effort, convince my 16-year-old daughter that her friend's house was used to smuggle out Jews during WWII. His house was built in 2007. We also live in America. FML

#20033419
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23489) - you deserved it (2939)

On 08/21/2012 at 4:21am - kids - by Jessica (woman) - United States

Today, I found out that my new husband is expecting two children: ours, due in January, and our 16-year-old neighbor's, due in March. FML

Today, my family and I went to the movie theater. There weren't enough free seats near the front, so I sat a few rows back with my grandpa. He kept throwing our snacks at my parents' heads all through the movie. He claimed he'd been asleep the whole time, and I'm now grounded. FML

#20027054
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25223) - you deserved it (1985)

On 08/17/2012 at 8:39pm - misc - by wow, thanks (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I got a phone call out of the blue from a young man, who screamed that he was going to kill me for sleeping with his fiancée. I told him I am a 49-year-old man who hasn't been laid since my wife passed away, four years ago. He stammered, shouted "Well she was a slut too" and hung up. FML

#20027025
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33280) - you deserved it (1527)

On 08/17/2012 at 8:20pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, while I was taking my driver's test, my instructor received a text message. He promptly had a panic attack and screamed for me to pull over. It turned out his wife wanted a divorce. The last 15 minutes of my test consisted of him sobbing to himself as I drove back to the DMV. FML

#20024961
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27113) - you deserved it (1710)

On 08/16/2012 at 6:36pm - misc - by Samantha (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was so bored that I actually read the iTunes store's terms and conditions. FML

#20024681
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31297) - you deserved it (7495)

On 08/16/2012 at 3:50pm - misc - by cardsftw - United States (California)

Today, thanks to a new form of birth control, I've now been having my period non-stop for six weeks. FML

#20022564
347 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36822) - you deserved it (4073)

On 08/15/2012 at 1:08pm - health - by theflow (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • The Xmas illustrated FML
  • Here we go, final lap before Christmas is finally upon us. Although, you could say we've been subjected to quite a few strains of Christmas already. The decorations are up since mid-August, and certain family…

Friday 19 December 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: