Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

lexithepirate

Offline (16 hours ago) | Search for a member

lexithepirate

0Liked!

lexithepirate
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Thursday 15 August 1996 (18 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 904
  • Number of comments : 5
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 7 posted

About lexithepirate : I'm a loser and my whole life is an embarrassment

lexithepirate's page activity

Visits<b>connorgrant98</b> - the 12/01/2014 at 9:54pm<b>Qele</b> - the 12/01/2014 at 2:39pm<b>powerkeep</b> - the 12/01/2014 at 12:51pm<b>Nordrag</b> - the 12/01/2014 at 12:46pm<b>katachristic</b> - the 12/01/2014 at 12:32pm<b>eppsepepsi</b> - the 01/15/2014 at 12:02am<b>cslaughterj</b> - the 03/19/2013 at 1:07am<b>starflyer59</b> - the 01/26/2013 at 6:50pm<b>ICastillo</b> - the 01/10/2013 at 3:47pm<b>Covenant74</b> - the 01/06/2013 at 2:47pm<b>MaxG123</b> - the 01/01/2013 at 8:08am<b>heliraptor</b> - the 12/31/2012 at 5:23am<b>imgonnawreckit</b> - the 12/30/2012 at 1:46am<b>Kidkaplan</b> - the 12/29/2012 at 8:48pm<b>GabrielleFrance</b> - the 12/29/2012 at 12:40pm<b>pistolpete85</b> - the 12/29/2012 at 11:20am<b>hannnahmarie</b> - the 12/28/2012 at 7:36pm<b>Schizomaniac</b> - the 12/28/2012 at 7:39am

lexithepirate's FML badges

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

Socialite

You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…

See all of lexithepirate's badges

lexithepirate's favorite FMLs

Today, my wife knows tattoos are a huge turnoff for me. She decided the best way to change my mind about them would be to get one. Across her neck. Of our dog's name. FML

#20069857
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28868) - you deserved it (3102)

On 09/13/2012 at 2:43am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, at work, I was talking to a Scottish woman when my coworker and I both told her we were also Scottish. To this she replied, "We Scottish people get around." I then said, "Tell me about it, I'm one of four siblings from my dad, he definitely gets around." She was talking about travel. FML

#20069784
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6762) - you deserved it (19801)

On 09/13/2012 at 1:19am - work - by jcedarholm (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a creepy girl from my class wouldn't stop texting me and trying to call me. In order to get her to stop, I texted back saying that I was at my mom's house for a family dinner. She replied, "No you're not. I can see you right now." FML

#20069063
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32500) - you deserved it (3740)

On 09/12/2012 at 5:06pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was late for class. I have extreme social anxiety, so I quietly slipped into the huge, packed auditiorium, trying to be as quiet as possible. When I was almost to my seat, I accidentally kicked a teacher's coffee down the steps. The entire class looked at me and clapped. FML

#20069005
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21426) - you deserved it (3226)

On 09/12/2012 at 4:11pm - misc - by conspicuous (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, my book bag was so heavy that it set off my car's passenger detection system in the front seat. I had to buckle in my textbooks. FML

#20068805
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23088) - you deserved it (3268)

On 09/12/2012 at 12:05pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I learned that I'm expecting twins. A boy and a girl. My husband, upon finding out about this, immediately suggested that we give them Star Wars names. But not Luke and Leia. Oh no. He wants to name them Darth and Vayda. And he is absolutely serious about this. FML

#20068529
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24013) - you deserved it (3663)

On 09/12/2012 at 3:03am - kids - by AGeeksWife (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I decided to be a gentleman and let an old lady have my seat on the bus. Before I could even get up, she sat on my lap and wouldn't get off. I got an involuntary lap dance from a grandma. FML

Today, I had a serious talk with my boyfriend about our relationship troubles. He stopped me in the middle of a sentence with a huge fart. FML

#20067647
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20284) - you deserved it (3882)

On 09/11/2012 at 3:16pm - love - by Anonymous - Sweden

Today, I figured out how serious my weight problem really is when my boyfriend had to lift a fat roll before he could enter me. FML

#20067540
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12976) - you deserved it (52920)

On 09/11/2012 at 12:56pm - intimacy - by gemma - United Kingdom (Belfast)

Today, after what I thought was an amazing sex session with my boyfriend, he let out a big sigh and told me I need to watch more porn. FML

#20067539
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28340) - you deserved it (5865)

On 09/11/2012 at 12:54pm - intimacy - by apparently inexperienced (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was in a mall bathroom when two girls started making out in the stall next to me. Before I could leave, they got really into it and caused our shared wall to tear from its hinges and collapse on top of me. FML

#20067220
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33678) - you deserved it (2612)

On 09/11/2012 at 3:02am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was at a family dinner, which had gone into meltdown after my aunt said something sarcastic about my mother's drinking. I went out for some fresh air and stumbled about in the dark, unaware of the fact that a pool was being dug. I fell into the huge hole and lost a shoe. FML

#20067208
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17662) - you deserved it (2129)

On 09/11/2012 at 2:47am - misc - by NotDrunk (man) - United States (California)

Today, my thirteen-year-old daughter tried to scratch the freckles off of her face. We ended up going to the hospital. FML

#20067114
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22292) - you deserved it (2226)

On 09/11/2012 at 12:47am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was sitting in on a boring presentation at work. I yawned and shifted in my chair, accidentally sitting on my testicles. I shrieked in pain and spent the next five minutes choking back tears, while my boss told me to shut my mouth and stop fucking around. FML

#20066447
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19786) - you deserved it (7095)

On 09/10/2012 at 5:20pm - work - by kevcng (man) - United States

Today, I realized my acne looks like star constellations. I've already found the Little Dipper on my left cheek. FML

#20063395
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17541) - you deserved it (2094)

On 09/08/2012 at 4:32pm - health - by balletteacher - United States



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • The Xmas illustrated FML
  • Here we go, final lap before Christmas is finally upon us. Although, you could say we've been subjected to quite a few strains of Christmas already. The decorations are up since mid-August, and certain family…

Friday 19 December 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: