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lexithepirate

Offline (the 11/10/2014 at 2:15pm) | Search for a member

lexithepirate

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lexithepirate
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Thursday 15 August 1996 (18 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 841
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 7 posted

About lexithepirate : I'm a loser and my whole life is an embarrassment

lexithepirate's page activity

Visits<b>eppsepepsi</b> - the 01/15/2014 at 12:02am<b>cslaughterj</b> - the 03/19/2013 at 1:07am<b>starflyer59</b> - the 01/26/2013 at 6:50pm<b>ICastillo</b> - the 01/10/2013 at 3:47pm<b>Covenant74</b> - the 01/06/2013 at 2:47pm<b>MaxG123</b> - the 01/01/2013 at 8:08am<b>heliraptor</b> - the 12/31/2012 at 5:23am<b>imgonnawreckit</b> - the 12/30/2012 at 1:46am<b>Kidkaplan</b> - the 12/29/2012 at 8:48pm<b>GabrielleFrance</b> - the 12/29/2012 at 12:40pm<b>pistolpete85</b> - the 12/29/2012 at 11:20am<b>hannnahmarie</b> - the 12/28/2012 at 7:36pm<b>Schizomaniac</b> - the 12/28/2012 at 7:39am<b>pmac1345</b> - the 12/27/2012 at 5:22pm<b>flupsht</b> - the 12/25/2012 at 9:23pm<b>B5B0N35</b> - the 12/24/2012 at 12:23pm<b>krystle817</b> - the 12/24/2012 at 4:38am<b>olpally</b> - the 12/24/2012 at 2:02am

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lexithepirate's favorite FMLs

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob. I was laying in between his legs because it's just more comfortable. I looked down, and he had pieces of toilet paper sticking out of his butt cheeks. FML

#21291810
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41593) - you deserved it (6438)

On 11/04/2014 at 7:03am - intimacy - by anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. The words "Christ, Jeff. It's a vagina, not a burrito. CALM DOWN!" were spoken. FML

#21290417
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36325) - you deserved it (9943)

On 11/02/2014 at 10:36am - intimacy - by jay-frey96 (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend was giving me a back massage while I was laying on my stomach. A few minutes into it, he stopped. I turned around to see why; he was taking a picture of my butt. FML

#21290182
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29157) - you deserved it (6430)

On 11/02/2014 at 12:51am - love - by anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was at a café with my friends when an elderly man noticed my dimples. He came up to me, stroked them while whispering, "One in a million" then walked out. Now my friends do this to me constantly, even while driving home. I almost hit a tree. FML

#20440419
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33045) - you deserved it (2982)

On 01/03/2013 at 6:35am - misc - by Dimples (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was at church, when my mom's phone went off during the sermon. As if that wasn't humiliating enough for me, her ring tone was set to the Bed Intruder song. FML

#20430388
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25750) - you deserved it (3535)

On 12/29/2012 at 5:33pm - misc - by killme (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, while at the store with my mom and baby brother, a guy started to talk to me. Just as he went to give me his number, my mom handed me my brother and said, "Here's your son, your AA meeting's in an hour, let's go." FML

#20423578
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50174) - you deserved it (4728)

On 12/26/2012 at 1:30pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my 14-year-old daughter came home after sneaking out and partying. She was totally drunk, and started crying on my shoulder because some boy named "Thomas" has a small dick, and she had to fake an orgasm. FML

#20419819
270 comments

I agree, your life sucks (81960) - you deserved it (25213)

On 12/24/2012 at 10:03pm - intimacy - by valnaj1 (woman) - Denmark (Syddanmark)

Today, I was listening to a local radio station, and they did a segment called "food porn." As they were sexually describing various types of food, I actually found myself getting turned on over a pizza. FML

#20411354
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32566) - you deserved it (9113)

On 12/21/2012 at 12:24pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, in the middle of the night, I got up to go get some water. When I came back, I was going to flop onto my bed, but I faceplanted into my floor. I'd forgotten that I'd rearranged my room and moved my bed. FML

#20406748
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33139) - you deserved it (19058)

On 12/19/2012 at 12:07am - misc - by ayye_its_nikki - United States (Texas)

Today, a friend informed me that my dog's name means "penis" in Greek. I live in a predominantly Greek neighbourhood, and apparently I've been screaming for "dong" every evening for the past 3 years. No wonder they don't talk to me much. FML

#20405418
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30080) - you deserved it (8588)

On 12/18/2012 at 10:30am - misc - by Dog_Lover (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my boyfriend grabbed my boob, shook it savagely, and shouted "Earthquake!" FML

#20404037
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30713) - you deserved it (8003)

On 12/17/2012 at 6:12pm - misc - by Ape (woman) - United States

Today, I had plans for a romantic night with my boyfriend, who is perfect in every way possible. We were going to have sex for the first time as well. Unfortunately, I had a dream last night about him shitting all over me and I can't look at him with a straight face. FML

#20403258
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35248) - you deserved it (13807)

On 12/17/2012 at 3:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, some beefed-up guy wearing a wife-beater sat in my restaurant, took out a big sack of coins, and played My Little Pony songs on the jukebox for 4 hours straight. I couldn't summon the courage to tell him to leave. FML

#20401192
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22689) - you deserved it (5246)

On 12/15/2012 at 7:57pm - work - by lingling (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, after my girlfriend has recently become obsessed with the serial-killer show, Dexter, she has grown an interest in cutting up pomegranates in many different ways and squirting the red, blood-like juice everywhere. I am now afraid to argue with her. FML

#20400460
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26752) - you deserved it (2979)

On 12/15/2012 at 7:33am - love - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my daughter had the words "Always classy, never trashy" tattooed across her lower back in crappy cursive lettering. She doesn't understand the irony. FML

#20400337
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31741) - you deserved it (3315)

On 12/15/2012 at 3:08am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)



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