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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I ad to take a dump . Wile looking for a book to read, I sneezd . Te force of te sneeze causd me to sit my pants . Te glob of dung ten ran down my leg before falling out of my sort onto my carpet, all in less tan 5 seconds . Noting in my life as prepard me for tis . FML
yesterday I was with mah mom and mah boyfriend at lunch. My phone rings and mah mom excitedly says ( You have friends! ) As I'm about to answer it, she pulls out her phone from under the table and says ( Kidding, it's just me. ) My boyfriend starts cracking up, and they exchange a high five. FML
Today, it was my wedding day, andile I was standing next to my usband in front of all of our guests, I was rocking on my eels because I was nervous. I rockd too far and fell backward. My usband didn't come to elp me up. He just said at te top of is lungs, "FAIL!" FML
2day I hered my daughter scream at my son through the bathroom door... "Are u jacking off in there or something?" and him scream back at her "Shut up u fucking cunt!" My daughter is 7 and my son is 8. FML
I was going to ave sex wit ma Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn im on, so I asked ma friend ow to say "fuck me" in Spanis. Se claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I ten ad sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito 4 an our. I later realized I was screaming "fried cicken." fat FML
yesterday my 5 year old nephew showd me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I looool smild an said, ( Wow! Now, how about some blue martians! ) He lookd at me an replid, ( How about some blue shut the fuck up?! ) FML
Friday 27 March 2015