Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

lemonkittens

Search for a member

lemonkittens

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1286
  • Number of comments : 41
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About lemonkittens : like:
ADTR, Rise Against, Florence+the Machine, baton twirling, ps3, people who can make me laugh, candy, partying, being sarcastic, felines, Donald Glover

dislike:
stupid questions, stirrup pants, little yappy dogs, hoes, the sun, Glee, ugly children, people who cannot spell and chew with their mouths open.

*you and me, we stand for somethin'.* A Day To Remember

lemonkittens's page activity

Visits<b>BigSeedDeed99</b> - the 12/09/2014 at 1:19pm<b>AlwaysWatching</b> - the 09/28/2014 at 7:58pm<b>WeChaseClouds</b> - the 08/31/2014 at 11:34pm<b>deedeedeniel</b> - the 08/31/2014 at 11:07pm<b>max2732</b> - the 08/16/2014 at 5:36pm<b>kantalita_claire</b> - the 08/07/2014 at 6:57pm<b>zdskfjagkfdhgb99</b> - the 07/25/2014 at 12:36am<b>SteakfryOne</b> - the 06/07/2014 at 11:44pm<b>gunner_12</b> - the 05/25/2014 at 4:31pm<b>aldos21</b> - the 05/18/2014 at 3:47pm<b>poor_gurll1198</b> - the 05/02/2014 at 8:29pm<b>cracchiolo</b> - the 03/26/2014 at 7:58pm<b>jamiejones10</b> - the 03/16/2014 at 8:56pm<b>rkdstp1995</b> - the 03/13/2014 at 12:51am<b>DWordHead16</b> - the 10/11/2013 at 6:15pm<b>tralala453</b> - the 08/30/2013 at 5:31am<b>nreed32</b> - the 08/05/2013 at 1:33pm<b>DoughtyPine</b> - the 07/19/2013 at 4:46pm

lemonkittens's FML badges

Profile completed

You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

See all of lemonkittens's badges

lemonkittens's favorite FMLs

Today, I started my shift as a cop, patrolling the streets on a bicycle. Everywhere I went, gangs of youths yelled stuff out at me, like "Bike twat", "Pig on wheels", "That's a girl's bike you muppet" and "Go on wanker, do a wheelie." FML

#17607153
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28310) - you deserved it (7899)

On 08/28/2011 at 6:37pm - work - by Andrew - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I had to take my dog to the vet for him to be put to sleep. I could feel the cold, hard shaft of irony slide its way up my ass and slowly fuck me senseless with every step I took on this beautiful National Dog Day. FML

#17586114
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31475) - you deserved it (5448)

On 08/26/2011 at 1:49pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I watched my neighbor bring his dogs into my yard to let them empty their piss-pipes and poop-chutes. He does this twice a day. I put a "cut it out" sign up. His dogs peed on the sign and knocked it down. My lawn is a landmine of dog logs and I don't know what to do, besides installing actual landmines. FML

Today, my brother told the family that if you pull on the dog's back foot then she always obeys. I later found my mom tugging on the dog's foot whispering "jump off a cliff" repeatedly. FML

#17531478
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27516) - you deserved it (2230)

On 08/20/2011 at 7:02pm - misc - by lala7 - United States

Today, I walked in on my parents discussing how to kill our cat, and how to make it look like an accident. FML

#17508595
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37826) - you deserved it (3012)

On 08/18/2011 at 9:38am - animals - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Bexley)

Today, a man with a face like a corpse's shoe started talking to me in the long queue at the Post Office. Apparently, his mother invented the banana, and he's first in line for the throne in France if ever Prince Harry dies. And his breath smelled like Satan's ass gas. FML

#17496000
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27788) - you deserved it (3341)

On 08/17/2011 at 12:48am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I met my new neighbor. His wi-fi access point is named "TheRapistDownstairs." FML

#17483730
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36933) - you deserved it (3464)

On 08/15/2011 at 8:30pm - misc - by creepedoutlady - United States

Today, I came to terms with the fact that my boss owns my soul for the bare minimum wage, and has me so whipped that he probably will for the rest of eternity, or until his ancient, withered, necromantic ass dies. FML

#17367681
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11156) - you deserved it (21708)

On 08/04/2011 at 2:47pm - work - by Username - United States

Today, my dad taped a picture of me to the fridge with "Do not feed the she-beast" written on it. FML

#17250401
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32884) - you deserved it (8234)

On 07/25/2011 at 3:21am - health - by jgdgjyfg - United Kingdom (Rotherham)

Today, I was dared to eat durian. With my reputation hanging in the balance, I bought one. Only after I opened it did I realize the extent of the dare. It smelled and tasted like dried cat shit that Satan himself had regurgitated. FML

#17243352
364 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10775) - you deserved it (32703)

On 07/24/2011 at 5:01pm - misc - by cadillacfrank - United States

Today, I was riding on the bus, when I felt a weird sensation on my hair. The person behind me was petting it. FML

#17182266
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30371) - you deserved it (2734)

On 07/19/2011 at 9:29pm - misc - by imnotacat (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my house got robbed. They left a note: "Next time, we steal your souls." FML

#17156963
340 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38065) - you deserved it (3358)

On 07/18/2011 at 12:26am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I had to do a "damage report" on myself after going to the midnight premiere of Harry Potter. As I was waiting for the previews, a 20 year old man dressed as a house elf tackled and wrestled me for my seat. FML

#17121994
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26368) - you deserved it (4761)

On 07/15/2011 at 1:01pm - health - by beachbumb8538 - United States

Today, my mom tried to sell me a bag of rice, with "Cocaine" written on the side of it in sharpie pen. In exchange for my soul. FML

#16993109
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33822) - you deserved it (3611)

On 07/05/2011 at 10:54pm - misc - by Username - United States

Today, my sister confessed to me that she sold some of my old shirts to the girl who's stalking me. This explains why I got a note that read, "I have your scent, now I can track you." FML

#16965226
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41108) - you deserved it (2613)

On 07/03/2011 at 8:27pm - misc - by beablue18 - Germany (Rheinland-Pfalz)



FML's blog

  • Malec's illustrated FML
  • Life is like a box of chocolate full of piece of rabbit droppings sometimes, isn't it? OK, I'll admit that's a weird way to start an article a few days before Christmas. Let me explain: you try and get…

Friday 12 December 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: