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Today, I was going over to my friend's house for the first time. A creepy-looking old man answered, and smiled at me. I asked "Is this the right house? Does Isaac live here?" He replied "Yes, he's in the basement. Would you like a drink?" Right then, Isaac called and asked me where I was. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40247) - you deserved it (2818)
On 01/01/2012 at 2:34am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)
Today, I walked in on my mom, braiding my dad's pubic hair. I don't know what scarred me more; my mom braiding his pubic hair or the fact that his pubic hair is long enough to be braided. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40183) - you deserved it (2608)
On 12/10/2011 at 8:03pm - intimacy - by Joe (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, some friends and I were pulled over on our way back from a party. We'd had a few drinks, so we tried to play it cool just in case we were over the limit. The cop didn't seem to want to breathalyze us, until my really high friend in the back seat said, "These are not the droids you are looking for." FML
I agree, your life sucks (10107) - you deserved it (30033)
On 12/07/2011 at 9:46am - misc - by Notadrinkanddriveidiot - United States
Today, I took my new boyfriend to a family dinner. Despite having made everyone agree to be on their best behavior, my grandma spewed obscenities such as "fuck me sideways, aren't you a catch?" and "you just can't pull ass like that at my age" throughout. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23457) - you deserved it (2701)
On 08/05/2011 at 8:24pm - intimacy - by moonstone15 (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, my boyfriend tried to tell me that he was worried our child might not be mine because he was cheating on me when I got pregnant. FML
I agree, your life sucks (54333) - you deserved it (4980)
On 06/29/2011 at 7:52pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)
Today, while making out with my boyfriend, he started playing with my nipples. Suddenly he stops kissing me, looks at my nipples and says, "Have they always been like this? They look like joysticks!". He then started singing the Super Mario Brother's theme song and playing the game with my nipples. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20741) - you deserved it (3898)
On 03/14/2010 at 10:09pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, while at my job, I walked past one of my colleagues who has been sick for the past couple of days. She knows that I'm a tea drinker and asked me for a tea bag. While conversing with her, I handed her one and left. I then later realized that I gave her a condom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7527) - you deserved it (20030)
On 01/20/2010 at 5:38pm - work - by PentiumBawls8 - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I pulled someone over for speeding. He was only 10 over the speed limit so I gave him an $84 fine. It turns out he is a workplace Occupational Health and Safety officer and because I wasn't wearing my high visibilty vest while standing on the side of the road he gave me a $250 fine. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17938) - you deserved it (61043)
On 09/17/2009 at 6:57am - work - by auscop (man) - Australia (Western Australia)
Today, I learned that you can pierce your balls. However, sitting on a thumbtack is not the best way to find this out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41074) - you deserved it (5063)
On 09/07/2009 at 12:57am - misc - by Ballshurt (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was watching a movie with my new boyfriend. I got tired so I thought it would be cute to fall asleep on him. He woke me up and said "You got me wet" Thinking it was a joke, I said smoothly, "That's what she said" He replied "No really." I looked down, I'd drooled all over his shirt. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12897) - you deserved it (27492)
On 08/05/2009 at 10:23pm - misc - by drooler (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, my boss asked me to call his new phone to make sure it's working. When his phone didn't ring, he looked at my phone to confirm I called him. My boss then saw that I'd entered him into my phonebook as "douche bag". FML
I agree, your life sucks (8726) - you deserved it (56063)
On 07/28/2009 at 11:23am - work - by dotcomboy - United States
Today, my car was in the shop so I borrowed my wife's VW Beetle convertible. It's really embarrassing because it's a girlie car and it's full of little stuffed animals. At a stop light a man asked me if I'd like to borrow one of his testicles because "every man should have at least one." FML
I agree, your life sucks (81154) - you deserved it (15204)
On 06/11/2009 at 8:23pm - misc - by NoBalls (man) - United States (Indiana)
Today, my boyfriend of 2 years took me to get a tattoo done with his name on. He paid for it. After it was done he told me it was over between us and he thought it'd be a nice reminder of him for me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (210664) - you deserved it (95153)
On 05/25/2009 at 2:05pm - love - by Angelofkarma (woman) - United Kingdom (Essex)
Today, I was home alone while my mom went out to dinner. I decided to hop in the shower, and I noticed my mom left her douche in there. After, I texted her telling her what I found and that it was gross. Her response? "It's not gross. It came from my vagina, like you and your sister." FML
I agree, your life sucks (39903) - you deserved it (16866)
On 04/16/2009 at 11:08pm - health - by duuuuude (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, I parked my car on the street to go to the gym. When i came back my car was blocked by a parade of people. I turned to a shop worker smoking a cigarette and said "Jesus! What the hell is going on?" I got many strange looks. It was a Good Friday parade lead by a local church. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11450) - you deserved it (33443)
On 04/11/2009 at 10:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Monday 20 May 2013
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