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lectricpharaoh

Offline (the 08/31/2014 at 11:55am) | Search for a member

lectricpharaoh

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  • Number of visits : 685
  • Number of comments : 69
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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lectricpharaoh's page activity

Visits<b>SyntheticSound</b> - the 07/23/2014 at 1:11pm<b>austin_hall29</b> - the 07/18/2014 at 1:29pm<b>RaspberryFlower</b> - the 07/01/2014 at 6:31pm<b>jcroisdale</b> - the 05/19/2014 at 8:32pm<b>Fidge86</b> - the 02/21/2014 at 8:01pm<b>TEZZ</b> - the 01/29/2014 at 5:31am<b>Wizardo</b> - the 01/04/2014 at 1:08pm<b>jock721</b> - the 12/03/2013 at 3:21pm<b>OrangeKnife</b> - the 11/09/2013 at 7:24am<b>10nachoman10</b> - the 10/31/2013 at 6:18am<b>hunteryager</b> - the 09/16/2013 at 10:43pm<b>haylburg</b> - the 09/04/2013 at 3:54pm<b>BellaBelle</b> - the 07/29/2013 at 3:16am<b>yscpunkchick</b> - the 07/14/2013 at 1:54am<b>rompasaurus</b> - the 07/13/2013 at 10:33pm<b>ThatOtherMegan</b> - the 07/12/2013 at 4:18pm<b>beardownarizona</b> - the 05/28/2013 at 12:51am<b>Jharrist89</b> - the 05/23/2013 at 7:38am

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lectricpharaoh's favorite FMLs

Today, while at work as a telemarketer, I called a customer on his home phone. Once I was connected, an automated voice said, "To speak with a customer, please press 1." Confused, I pressed one. I then heard loud laughter followed by, "Oh my god! What a dumbass!" before they hung up. FML

#21133762
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37722) - you deserved it (20044)

On 05/07/2014 at 11:57pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I met this overweight chick and ended up sleeping with her. We were doing it doggy style and it was great until she said, "Milk me like a cow." I can no longer drink milk without hearing that in my head. FML

#21132249
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49853) - you deserved it (18138)

On 05/06/2014 at 9:55am - intimacy - by chumman (man) - United States (New York)

Today, it's my first day working the graveyard shift at a local hotel. My new boss thought it would be hilarious to sneak up behind me while dressed like the Grim Reaper. I screamed like a little girl and soaked my pants. Apparently he does this to all the new people. FML

#21130670
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42921) - you deserved it (6132)

On 05/04/2014 at 5:07pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Czech Republic (Hlavni mesto Praha)

Today, I was working the drive-through at McDonald's. I greeted a customer with a, "Hi, how are you doing today?" His response: "Better than you." FML

#20795022
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46925) - you deserved it (7784)

On 07/21/2013 at 12:15am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, a man stopped me on the street. He said the stretch marks on my thighs looked like cuts, and asked me if I self-harmed. Before I was able to politely respond "No", he said, "I mean, I can see why you would." FML

#20794407
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45174) - you deserved it (3487)

On 07/20/2013 at 5:31pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my friends took my work laptop and changed the sounds. Now, whenever I remove a USB device, a woman's voice screams "Put it back!" and when I insert a USB device, it says "Oh, you need to push it in harder!" I don't know how to change it back. FML

#20793994
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54727) - you deserved it (6340)

On 07/20/2013 at 11:45am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Delaware)

Today, as I was enjoying a nice fish salad, my father looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Ahh, salmon. The 'other' pink meat", then winked suggestively at my mother. I don't think I can ever eat fish again. FML

#20763590
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58195) - you deserved it (4585)

On 07/04/2013 at 2:28pm - intimacy - by ugh (woman) - South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal)

Today, at the doctor's, I had lots of papers to fill out so my boyfriend offered to help. We submitted them and the doctor called me a few minutes later. Under disorders my boyfriend had written, "Major cock craving disorder." The doctor couldn't stop giggling. FML

#20763013
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58745) - you deserved it (10836)

On 07/04/2013 at 3:03am - intimacy - by Never Going Back To The Doctor (woman) - United States

Today, after asking my psychiatrist about natural alternatives to medication for my depression, she replied, "Why not Zoidberg?" FML

#20744996
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30566) - you deserved it (5720)

On 06/24/2013 at 6:12pm - health - by thanksdoc (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my grandmother made a rule that every time we take a crap, she has to examine the turds to make sure they aren't big enough to clog up the pipes. I don't know what's worse: that she looks at my turds, or the fact that she actively comments on them. FML

#20740202
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43872) - you deserved it (3196)

On 06/22/2013 at 1:01am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my son visited for the first time in three years, asking to stay a while. It turns out he insulted someone online and gave his address in case they wanted to fight him. They accepted the offer, and so my son's imaginary Muay Thai skills went AWOL, along with his testicles. FML

#20726002
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40581) - you deserved it (4315)

On 06/14/2013 at 6:12pm - kids - by I fathered a pussy. (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. She pulled down my trousers, saw my Poke-ball boxers, and absolutely lost it. I had to lie next to her in bed for the next 10 minutes hearing her howl with laughter while crying "Dickachu, I choose you!" FML

#20711208
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55020) - you deserved it (64139)

On 06/07/2013 at 3:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, a man asked about fishing in the river which flows beside where I work. I said you could, but anything you caught under 5 inches has to be thrown back. His wife then said, "Wish I knew that before I married him." I started to laugh. The man almost cried and complained to my boss. FML

#20688045
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43521) - you deserved it (7432)

On 05/26/2013 at 8:40pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (South Ayrshire)

Today, a man asked about fishing in the river which flows beside where I work. I said you could, but anything you caught under 5 inches has to be thrown back. His wife then said, "Wish I knew that before I married him." I started to laugh. The man almost cried and complained to my boss. FML

#20688045
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43521) - you deserved it (7432)

On 05/26/2013 at 8:40pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (South Ayrshire)

Today, I spent hours debating with a lady who claimed she'd spent years "studying the big bang theory". Not only did she not know the scientific meaning of the word "theory", her killer argument was "If the big bang happened, where are the fossils?" I'm not sure whether or not I just got trolled. FML

#20671062
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35618) - you deserved it (4705)

On 05/18/2013 at 2:44pm - misc - by look at the fucking universe, lady (man) - United States (Alabama)



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