About lastsinglepanda : " I'm not young enough to know everything so if stupidity got us into this, then why can't it get us out again? "
lastsinglepanda's FML badges
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.
Who’s the fairest of them all?
This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
lastsinglepanda's favorite FMLs
Today, I went on a date with a guy I've had a crush on for a while. I shaved my legs and armpits and wore a short dress. It wasn't until I got to the meeting that I noticed I only shaved one of my legs. FML
by bigmistake / 12/23/2011 at 10:22pm / United States (Illinois) / Love
Today, I was out clubbing, when some bloke at the bar started trying to pick fights with everyone. Trying to defuse the situation with humour, I said, "I used to be a tough guy like you. Then I took an arrow in the knee." The next thing I know, I have a broken nose. FML
by Anonymous / 12/23/2011 at 9:49pm / Australia / Health
Today, I invited a few of my co-workers over to play video games. Within an hour, my wife had gotten drunk, grabbed my controller, told me to "get back in the kitchen", and described to everyone in blood-chilling detail how she took her first boyfriend's virginity. FML
by ThinZ / 12/23/2011 at 7:26pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
by Chubby / 11/17/2011 at 11:50am / United States / Work
Today, I and a policeman confronted my psychotic neighbor who stole my cat because she thinks flea bites cause cancer. She refused to tell us what she'd done with the cat. I just spent $100 last month in vet bills, and my kids are crying for their pet. He's probably in pieces in her freezer. FML
by Stalked / 11/14/2011 at 7:46pm / United States (Georgia) / Animals
by Anon / 11/14/2011 at 3:45am / United States (Nevada) / Work
by Anonymous / 11/14/2011 at 12:23am / United States (Ohio) / Love
by Anonymous / 11/14/2011 at 12:09am / United States (California) / Love
Today, I finished a very important but annoying presentation that took four hours to complete. Only after writing a paragraph to explain the presentation and sending it to my boss did I realize that I saved the document as "Shit I have to do to get a promotion." FML
by TTR / 11/12/2011 at 7:36pm / United States (Illinois) / Work
by Nico / 11/12/2011 at 10:42am / France / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 11/12/2011 at 12:34am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, a kid came trick or treating to my house. When I told him Halloween was nearly two weeks ago, his reaction was to savagely kick me in the shin and run off screaming obscenities. This is the same kid who broke down in tears when I gave him candy on the real Halloween. FML
by Username / 11/11/2011 at 9:04pm / United States (Maryland) / Kids
by embarrassed / 11/11/2011 at 10:17am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
Today, my mother spent over $5,000 to fly in a Feng-Shui master, put him in a five-star hotel, and had him walk around our house with a compass, moving things to help improve the "energy flow." Now all I have in my room is an old mattress and lamp. He's coming back tomorrow. FML
by Agathus / 11/10/2011 at 9:35am / United Arab Emirates / Money
Today, I was working the graveyard shift as a security guard. I fell asleep in my car doing paperwork around 2 am. When my supervisor came to check on me, he pounded on my window, wearing a "Scream" mask. I panicked and pepper sprayed him. Too bad my window was closed. FML
by copshop / 11/10/2011 at 6:40am / United States (California) / Work
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I moved three hours away from my boyfriend for college. Even though he got accepted to the…