About lastsinglepanda : " I'm not young enough to know everything so if stupidity got us into this, then why can't it get us out again? "
lastsinglepanda's FML badges
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.
Who’s the fairest of them all?
This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
lastsinglepanda's favorite FMLs
Today, I was taking a walk when I noticed an elderly man on the ground, unmoving. Being a registered nurse, I tried to give him CPR. As my lips touched his, he hacked a loogie and spat it into the back of my throat. I swallowed. FML
by guy / 07/29/2012 at 11:24pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, I told a patient that we needed to collect a stool sample. I left the room momentarily to retrieve what the patient would need. He apparently didn't need anything besides the counter in the exam room. FML
by TimeForACareerChange / 07/17/2012 at 8:54pm / United States / Work
Today, my father, who is going through a serious mid-life crisis, walked into my room, told me to "sit the fuck down," and spent the next two hours ranting about how the Lord of the Rings books prophesy the end of the world this December, and that Sauron is an analogy for "corrupt bankers." FML
by Anonymous / 07/17/2012 at 4:19pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to a big family dinner. At one point, my cousin ran up to me, sobbing hysterically, holding his crotch, and making a huge scene. Turns out that while taking a piss, he "accidentally" swatted his willy with an electric bug zapper. I can't believe I'm related to this little shit. FML
by Anonymous / 07/15/2012 at 3:09pm / United States (Colorado) / Kids
by RIP / 07/15/2012 at 1:02am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to the grocery store with three bags full of sausages that I'd drunkenly bought the night before. Even though the manager remembered me, he wouldn't give me a refund, and now I'll be lucky if I can pay my rent this month. FML
by minaaaaajftw / 07/13/2012 at 4:13pm / Norway (Akershus) / Miscellaneous
by kalikanna / 07/07/2012 at 2:10am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
by Cassidy Bowen / 06/16/2012 at 1:42am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I visited my new doctor for the migraines I've been getting lately. Right from the start, I could have sworn the guy was on drugs. He just listened to my heartbeat, said, "Well Dave, it sounds like gallstones" and said they'll pass naturally. FML
by davav74 / 06/15/2012 at 7:31pm / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Health
Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML
by 16590 / 06/15/2012 at 6:13pm / Sweden / Transportation
by anonymous / 06/14/2012 at 10:54am / China (Jiangsu) / Health
by Ciara / 06/11/2012 at 4:44pm / Ireland (Cork) / Health
by anon / 06/10/2012 at 5:14pm / United Kingdom (Hampshire) / Love
Today, at the beach, my boyfriend picked me up and carried me over his shoulder. I felt my bikini top come undone in the process. I panicked and pulled down on his shorts. We were fined for indecent exposure. FML
by Anonymous / 06/08/2012 at 10:36pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at work, reading some funny stories on my phone. Just as one of my co-workers decided to share that his father had passed away recently, I burst into uncontrollable, teary-eyed laughter at a story. They don't believe my explanation, and have branded me the office asshole. FML
by Anonymous / 06/05/2012 at 2:47pm / Brazil (Sao Paulo) / Work
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his…