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landini2014

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landini2014

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  • Number of visits : 1854
  • Number of comments : 2
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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Visits<b>TheShadyMilkman</b> - the 05/13/2013 at 4:26pm<b>hunter_56</b> - the 03/16/2013 at 8:52am<b>pieman528</b> - the 01/02/2013 at 2:56am

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landini2014's favorite FMLs

Today, I held a party for my family so I could announce my pregnancy. In the middle of my speech, my mother stopped me, saying, "Nobody gives a rat's ass, where's the booze?" FML

#20745652
83 comments

Today, my daughter's obsession with Canada got out way of hand when she was suspended for climbing up the flagpole, in an attempt to replace the flag with a red-and-white maple leaf one. FML

Today, my husband finally returned from his 18-month deployment. Sexually starved, we wasted no time getting busy. Later as we finally cooled off, I got a message from my Aunt. She was hiding in our closet the whole time to surprise us with cake for his safe return. FML

#20743795
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (77894) - you deserved it (7074)

On 06/24/2013 at 12:37am - intimacy - by jgtrflynn (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I lost my car keys, so I asked my ex-husband if he still had his spare to my car. He said he'd send it. I got an empty envelope with a troll face on it. There's a reason I left him. FML

#20738006
121 comments

Today, my son visited for the first time in three years, asking to stay a while. It turns out he insulted someone online and gave his address in case they wanted to fight him. They accepted the offer, and so my son's imaginary Muay Thai skills went AWOL, along with his testicles. FML

#20726002
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40532) - you deserved it (4312)

On 06/14/2013 at 6:12pm - kids - by I fathered a pussy. (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend was extremely nervous to meet my parents but I made him do it anyway. One of the first things out of his mouth was, "I'm glad you had sex." When they gave him a look of shock, he added, "You know, when you made your daughter! She's awesome!" FML

Today, my boyfriend asked if I could grow out my pubic hair since I usually wax it. He said his mom has a full bush and he always thought it looks better that way. FML

#20719191
271 comments

I agree, your life sucks (83438) - you deserved it (6885)

On 06/11/2013 at 8:00am - intimacy - by notyourmom (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, as I was walking home, I saw an ambulance pull into my driveway with its sirens blaring. Thinking it could be for my sick father, I started frantically sprinting. I managed to trip on my pant-leg, twisting my ankle in the process. They were just turning around in my driveway. FML

#20718780
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46684) - you deserved it (4224)

On 06/11/2013 at 12:12am - health - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my friend told me he had just robbed a bank and needed a place to hide. Thinking he was joking, I let him in so we could hang out. 15 minutes later, the cops storm into my apartment. Now I'm an accomplice in a crime I thought was a joke. FML

#20718656
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57592) - you deserved it (15900)

On 06/10/2013 at 11:23pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I found out that my family has a bet on how long I will be single for. FML

#20717191
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45360) - you deserved it (4660)

On 06/10/2013 at 9:09am - misc - by Bridget Jones? - United Kingdom (Wolverhampton)

Today, a deaf customer came to my work. In an attempt to connect with him I introduced myself in sign language. He just rolled his eyes and pointed at my name tag. FML

#20707121
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45010) - you deserved it (12072)

On 06/05/2013 at 5:46am - work - by WOWBear - United States (Arizona)

Today, I found out my work gave me a vacation for my performance. It's a trip to somewhere in the Caribbean, with the nickname "The Sunniest Place on Earth." I have skin cancer. FML

#20706766
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50850) - you deserved it (3732)

On 06/05/2013 at 12:22am - health - by TooSunnyForSkin - United States (Indiana)

Today, I went to the pharmacy to buy condoms. My card was declined, and I had to stand and watch in morbid fascination as the man behind me kindly paid for my purchase. His reason was "God forbid a maxed out Visa should get in the way of fucking." FML

#20698637
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65445) - you deserved it (18677)

On 06/01/2013 at 1:09am - intimacy - by Samprib (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, while feeding my neighbour's cats, I mistakenly switched up their foods. One has medicated food that causes drowsiness. The healthy cat got knocked out like a log. I panicked, laid him out by the bed, and spilled milk around his head to make it look "natural." I think I'm going to hell. FML

#20697165
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30359) - you deserved it (33302)

On 05/31/2013 at 10:59am - animals - by fuckshitcockwaffle (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, the doorbell rang. I saw my incredibly overbearing mum's car outside, so I stayed quiet and tried to sneak upstairs. As I crawled through the hallway, commando style, I realised the door blinds were still out for cleaning. If scowls could kill, I'd be roasting in Hell right now. FML

#20694934
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39114) - you deserved it (9723)

On 05/30/2013 at 8:40am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)



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