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laden_swallow09

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laden_swallow09

34Fucked!

laden_swallow09laden_swallow09
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 23 June 1989 (26 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 12570
  • Number of comments : 2901
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 14 posted

About laden_swallow09 : They updated the App, so I can read my hate mail! Yay!

I really wish I could take back some of my FYL or YDI votes, since I tend to miss the button I'm aiming for.

I like to point out stupidity whenever I see it, but that's likely why you're here on my profile, innit?

"It's now very common for them to hear people say, 'I'm rather offended by that,' as if that gives them certain rights. It's no more than a whine. It has no meaning. It has no purpose. It has no reason to be respected as a phrase. 'I am offended by that.' Well, so fucking what?" – Stephen Fry, actor/comedian

If you're thinking about getting an iPhone 6/+, don't. They're way too big.

Oh, yeah. I almost forgot…
HEIL, SPELLCHECK!

laden_swallow09's page activity

Visits<b>daniel271</b> - 19 hours ago<b>lostinareverie</b> - 19 hours ago<b>herpderp1234</b> - yesterday at 1:31pm<b>manthymonkey</b> - yesterday at 2:51am<b>TheFirstManatee</b> - the 09/02/2015 at 12:47pm<b>maximus_prime</b> - the 08/27/2015 at 9:14am<b>LilyLi</b> - the 08/27/2015 at 5:33am<b>I_Like_Dogs</b> - the 08/27/2015 at 5:17am<b>gabbehtm</b> - the 08/27/2015 at 1:46am<b>aceking602</b> - the 08/27/2015 at 12:19am<b>bazookajoey</b> - the 08/26/2015 at 2:39pm<b>LadyLuck93</b> - the 08/24/2015 at 12:26am<b>xivoricbutterfly</b> - the 08/23/2015 at 6:35pm<b>MudkipBeats</b> - the 08/22/2015 at 10:34pm<b>RawrPancaked</b> - the 08/22/2015 at 8:25am<b>catums</b> - the 08/21/2015 at 5:14am<b>Classy_Sassy15</b> - the 08/20/2015 at 2:53am<b>sugoi72</b> - the 08/19/2015 at 11:09am

Fucked!<b>I_Like_Dogs</b> - the 08/27/2015 at 11:17am<b>AnAngryyGiraffe</b> - the 08/05/2015 at 1:14pm<b>eski2015</b> - the 07/12/2015 at 6:10am<b>ThatGuy878</b> - the 07/05/2015 at 10:42pm<b>saffy66</b> - the 07/03/2015 at 5:10pm<b>JayGatsby</b> - the 07/03/2015 at 5:25am<b>milkie</b> - the 06/23/2015 at 8:16pm<b>AddictGamer</b> - the 06/08/2015 at 6:25am<b>FitFriday</b> - the 05/19/2015 at 7:46pm<b>RealSuperSand</b> - the 05/09/2015 at 2:13pm<b>Johnnycake23</b> - the 04/25/2015 at 3:29am<b>Teckzilla</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 5:50pm<b>apineapple</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 6:45am<b>Kazze</b> - the 04/11/2015 at 12:53am<b>Zigstyle308</b> - the 04/06/2015 at 11:18am<b>TheTrainKid</b> - the 03/22/2015 at 9:44pm<b>Ingalls9</b> - the 03/20/2015 at 10:04pm<b>csjc</b> - the 03/16/2015 at 5:47am

laden_swallow09's FML badges

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I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

See all of laden_swallow09's badges

laden_swallow09's favorite FMLs

Today, I found out how whipped I am when, at the climax of sex, I moaned, "I'm sorry!" FML

#21337152
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30344) - you deserved it (7252)

On 01/14/2015 at 6:57pm - intimacy - by imsorry (man) - United States (California)

Today, while heading to the bathroom, I saw my girlfriend putting some lingerie under my bed. I stupidly thought it was for some sexy time later. Well, later on, she dramatically "found" the lingerie and broke up with me. Almost everyone believes her story and thinks I'm a dirty cheater. FML

#21333944
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40131) - you deserved it (2475)

On 01/09/2015 at 2:04pm - love - by je suis christy - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she's afraid of my ex-wife. This is the third one in a row to use that very reason. The judge still won't accept my pleas for a restraining order. FML

#21333809
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35526) - you deserved it (2505)

On 01/09/2015 at 6:43am - love - by swimfaned - United States

Today, I gave birth to our first child at home. What was supposed to be a beautiful moment of us peacefully greeting our newborn, ended up with the cops knocking on our door. Apparently me giving birth sounds like a domestic dispute. FML

#21331295
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30905) - you deserved it (6404)

On 01/05/2015 at 12:58pm - kids - by midwify (woman) - Denmark (Nordjylland)

Today, I gave feedback on how the store is run at the owners' request, because they don't understand why everyone keeps quitting. I guess they took it personally, because they asked me not to come back. FML

#21328814
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25301) - you deserved it (2334)

On 01/01/2015 at 6:03pm - work - by outofajob - United States (Utah)

Today, I met my new roommate. I hadn't even gotten her name yet, because the first thing she said to me instead was that she wanted to hang her confederate flag on the wall. I'm black. FML

#21326235
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37249) - you deserved it (4709)

On 12/29/2014 at 12:00am - misc - by okay17 - United States

Today, my boss sent me a Word document that he wanted me to make into a PowerPoint presentation for him. It was a set of proposals for the board of directors about cost-saving options. The third option was to eliminate my position in the company. FML

#21325772
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31084) - you deserved it (2014)

On 12/28/2014 at 8:56am - work - by HALIFAAA (man) - Germany (Niedersachsen)

Today, I went to break up with my psychotic bitch of a girlfriend after months of abuse. When she opened the door, her 5-year-old son ran up to me, smiling and calling me "DADDY!" for the first time. Now I don't have the heart to dump the psycho and devastate her son. FML

#21324667
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33066) - you deserved it (5127)

On 12/26/2014 at 12:36pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my mom got me a Christmas present. Since I'm a whovian, she thought it would be cool to get me what she thought was a sonic screwdriver. It was actually a dildo shaped as one. I opened the gift in front of my entire family. FML

#21323893
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33678) - you deserved it (3491)

On 12/25/2014 at 10:17am - intimacy - by whovian - United States (Maine)

Today, I witnessed my very overweight cat trying to jump over my fence, only to shit himself half way up, and then land in it. FML

Today, I went to my retail job to buy some clothing. As soon as I walked through the doors, my manager yelled at me for not being in appropriate work clothes. I tried to explain that I was off the clock but he was having none of it. I got written up. FML

#21322497
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33820) - you deserved it (2906)

On 12/23/2014 at 3:14am - work - by I hate my job - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, on a first date with a guy, I spilled ice cream all over my pants. He bought me some more, and as I was thanking him, he said, "You've never had a guy treat you right, have you?" I said no and started crying. FML

#21322290
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39489) - you deserved it (4380)

On 12/22/2014 at 8:28pm - love - by Soulara89 (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my classmate commented on how quiet I am. I responded with, "Well, nobody plots murder out loud," trying to be funny. My teacher tried to get me arrested. FML

#21318752
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37062) - you deserved it (7297)

On 12/16/2014 at 8:54pm - work - by justjoking - United States

Today, I asked my spouse to help me apply some hemorrhoid relief cream, since I couldn't see what was going on down there clearly. Next time, I hope I'll remember if I'm still in a conference call with my online classmates so they don't witness the whole thing again. FML

Today, I found out that the "IRS scam" that I ignored last week was actually not a scam, and now I have a warrant out for me. FML

#21317643
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32134) - you deserved it (6587)

On 12/14/2014 at 10:50pm - money - by dawg - United States (Florida)



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