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laden_swallow09

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laden_swallow09

49Fucked!

laden_swallow09laden_swallow09
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 23 June 1989 (26 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 14240
  • Number of comments : 3153
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 14 posted

About laden_swallow09 : They updated the App, so I can read my hate mail! Yay!

I really wish I could take back some of my FYL or YDI votes, since I tend to miss the button I'm aiming for.

I like to point out stupidity whenever I see it, but that's likely why you're here on my profile, innit?

"It's now very common for them to hear people say, 'I'm rather offended by that,' as if that gives them certain rights. It's no more than a whine. It has no meaning. It has no purpose. It has no reason to be respected as a phrase. 'I am offended by that.' Well, so fucking what?" – Stephen Fry, actor/comedian

If you're thinking about getting an iPhone 6/+, don't. They're way too big.

Oh, yeah. I almost forgot…
HEIL, SPELLCHECK!

laden_swallow09's page activity

Visits<b>papygeorges</b> - 17 hours ago<b>damnfam</b> - the 02/03/2016 at 9:50pm<b>kwilkens</b> - the 02/01/2016 at 11:19pm<b>MrGodface</b> - the 02/01/2016 at 9:49pm<b>Guler28</b> - the 01/31/2016 at 10:08pm<b>saxyguy</b> - the 01/31/2016 at 5:41pm<b>slim_immy</b> - the 01/30/2016 at 4:14am<b>fufufe</b> - the 01/29/2016 at 12:28pm<b>Welshite</b> - the 01/28/2016 at 8:31pm<b>psmith78332</b> - the 01/28/2016 at 8:30pm<b>FujisakiChihiro</b> - the 01/28/2016 at 8:20pm<b>UnidentifiedFun</b> - the 01/25/2016 at 11:01pm<b>thefaekitten</b> - the 01/25/2016 at 11:33am<b>LivToFail</b> - the 01/25/2016 at 9:48am<b>SalsaVerdeDonut</b> - the 01/25/2016 at 8:46am<b>goodvsevil1275</b> - the 01/21/2016 at 6:59pm<b>BillieGoat</b> - the 01/21/2016 at 12:13am<b>BabooonLove</b> - the 01/19/2016 at 9:28pm

Fucked!<b>LivToFail</b> - the 01/25/2016 at 3:48pm<b>cupcakebruh</b> - the 01/11/2016 at 8:07pm<b>MzZombicidal</b> - the 01/08/2016 at 4:39am<b>explodedtaco</b> - the 01/04/2016 at 12:17pm<b>Seashells77</b> - the 01/04/2016 at 8:18am<b>mikotomisaki</b> - the 12/29/2015 at 3:53pm<b>kkorn051212</b> - the 12/16/2015 at 4:25am<b>Scrambled</b> - the 11/01/2015 at 2:35pm<b>junjunbun</b> - the 10/10/2015 at 6:43pm<b>FlashlightBob</b> - the 10/07/2015 at 1:14am<b>PremiumWhale</b> - the 09/25/2015 at 4:44am<b>devi_916</b> - the 09/21/2015 at 5:03pm<b>kylie31</b> - the 09/20/2015 at 5:51am<b>openminded8</b> - the 09/11/2015 at 7:57pm<b>interesting33</b> - the 09/09/2015 at 7:12pm<b>I_Like_Dogs</b> - the 08/27/2015 at 11:17am<b>AnAngryyGiraffe</b> - the 08/05/2015 at 1:14pm<b>eski2015</b> - the 07/12/2015 at 6:10am

laden_swallow09's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

Socialite

You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

See all of laden_swallow09's badges

laden_swallow09's favorite FMLs

Today, a customer complained that his earphones stopped properly functioning even though he bought them less than a month ago. After checking them, I realised that there was so much earwax caked into them that it affected the sound quality. FML

Today, I got a text from my neighbor complaining about my girlfriend and me being too noisy in bed. I'm at work. FML

#21418223
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43367) - you deserved it (2807)

On 05/30/2015 at 8:12pm - intimacy - by TooLoud - United States (California)

Today, one of my students tried to bribe me $200 to change his grade. When I said no and told him he was lucky I didn't report him, he went to the dean and told him I offered to change his grade for money. I'm now suspended and under investigation. FML

#21416617
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37612) - you deserved it (3252)

On 05/27/2015 at 12:25pm - work - by UN4 (man) - United States

Today, it's been exactly 2 years since I graduated college. I make less money in my full-time job now than I did working part-time in college. FML

#21416055
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32619) - you deserved it (3015)

On 05/26/2015 at 12:50pm - money - by Real Life Sucks - United States

Today, I got so used to using this FML app while going to the bathroom that when I opened it, I accidentally peed a little. FML

#21415171
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27629) - you deserved it (11465)

On 05/24/2015 at 9:14pm - misc - by Anon - United States (Ohio)

Today, I realized that my relationship has hit a new low when I made an appointment with my girlfriend to have sex. I have a two week wait. FML

#21415031
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30933) - you deserved it (4802)

On 05/24/2015 at 3:53pm - intimacy - by ugh - United States (Michigan)

Today, I woke up to my little sister strangling me. My parents accused me of making the red marks on my throat myself to exaggerate how bad it was. She's just "going through a phase", they say, and I'm a bad person for punching her to get her off me. FML

#21414899
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34605) - you deserved it (2165)

On 05/24/2015 at 11:15am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I checked my son's browser history, as he's been acting strangely around his computer recently. I found several bizarre Google searches, including but not limited to: "unicorn dick-farts", "sharting kittens", and "can you get AIDS from Asians?" What the fuck is wrong with him? FML

#21414033
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29225) - you deserved it (4787)

On 05/22/2015 at 2:17pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Havering)

Today, I surprised my 7 and 1.5 year old girls with a princess dinner. I quickly realized it was a scam when the "princesses" arrived looking more suited to a bachelor party. I was able to quickly get the girls out, but have spent the evening explaining why Pocahontas was heavily tattooed. FML

Today, I went to a domestic violence counseling group. I was the only male there, and I explained that my girlfriend punches me in the face in front of my kids. Everyone started laughing. FML

Today, my girlfriend surprised me with what was allegedly a birthday "cake". It was so horribly deformed, I wasn't sure whether to eat it or wear it as a hat. I had to pretend it didn't taste like play-doh, and ended up throwing it up in the toilet. Happy birthday to me. FML

#21408360
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27486) - you deserved it (4263)

On 05/11/2015 at 12:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my drunken feminazi mother shouted to me at the top of her lungs, "All men are fucking assholes, and your new husband is no different!" during our wedding reception. All he did was ask her how she liked the salmon. FML

#21407591
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31916) - you deserved it (2947)

On 05/10/2015 at 2:00am - misc - by How's the salmon? - United States

Today, the cops showed up at our door at 11 pm. Apparently, our neighbours thought I was being abused because they heard high-pitched screaming for 45 minutes straight. Little did they know our 6-month-old baby screams when she's happy. Loudly. FML

Today, after waking up in a panic because I was running late for work again, I realized I was fired for that exact reason the day before. FML

#21404798
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16876) - you deserved it (28685)

On 05/04/2015 at 10:08pm - work - by Jobless in Seattle - United States (Texas)

Today, our new boss banned coffee from the workplace, comparing caffeine to hard drugs. His comparison may not be wrong; after two hours, I couldn't take it any more, and in between fantasising about his cold-blooded murder, I begged to be allowed just one last cup. FML

#21403720
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30772) - you deserved it (4805)

On 05/03/2015 at 1:58am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Finland



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