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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 23 June 1989 (26 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 12983
  • Number of comments : 2969
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 14 posted

About laden_swallow09 : They updated the App, so I can read my hate mail! Yay!

I really wish I could take back some of my FYL or YDI votes, since I tend to miss the button I'm aiming for.

I like to point out stupidity whenever I see it, but that's likely why you're here on my profile, innit?

"It's now very common for them to hear people say, 'I'm rather offended by that,' as if that gives them certain rights. It's no more than a whine. It has no meaning. It has no purpose. It has no reason to be respected as a phrase. 'I am offended by that.' Well, so fucking what?" – Stephen Fry, actor/comedian

If you're thinking about getting an iPhone 6/+, don't. They're way too big.

Oh, yeah. I almost forgot…

laden_swallow09's page activity

Visits<b>emmalouise89</b> - 7 hours ago<b>FlashlightBob</b> - 23 hours ago<b>OhGawdMyEyes</b> - yesterday at 2:01pm<b>Tractor_Bait</b> - yesterday at 9:50am<b>lexigirl1228</b> - the 10/04/2015 at 11:06pm<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 10/02/2015 at 10:06pm<b>SystemofaBlink41</b> - the 10/02/2015 at 4:59am<b>DappeRB</b> - the 10/01/2015 at 10:43am<b>Yadiloh52</b> - the 09/28/2015 at 3:57pm<b>Diarrhea_Volcano</b> - the 09/27/2015 at 2:26pm<b>Salvanoi</b> - the 09/26/2015 at 5:20am<b>PremiumWhale</b> - the 09/24/2015 at 10:43pm<b>Ilmoran</b> - the 09/21/2015 at 9:59pm<b>devi_916</b> - the 09/21/2015 at 11:02am<b>Zinnie</b> - the 09/21/2015 at 7:28am<b>romegatekeeper</b> - the 09/20/2015 at 7:00am<b>foxmatrix15</b> - the 09/20/2015 at 3:24am<b>kylie31</b> - the 09/19/2015 at 11:49pm

Fucked!<b>FlashlightBob</b> - 17 hours ago<b>PremiumWhale</b> - the 09/25/2015 at 4:44am<b>devi_916</b> - the 09/21/2015 at 5:03pm<b>kylie31</b> - the 09/20/2015 at 5:51am<b>openminded8</b> - the 09/11/2015 at 7:57pm<b>interesting33</b> - the 09/09/2015 at 7:12pm<b>I_Like_Dogs</b> - the 08/27/2015 at 11:17am<b>AnAngryyGiraffe</b> - the 08/05/2015 at 1:14pm<b>eski2015</b> - the 07/12/2015 at 6:10am<b>ThatGuy878</b> - the 07/05/2015 at 10:42pm<b>saffy66</b> - the 07/03/2015 at 5:10pm<b>JayGatsby</b> - the 07/03/2015 at 5:25am<b>milkie</b> - the 06/23/2015 at 8:16pm<b>AddictGamer</b> - the 06/08/2015 at 6:25am<b>FitFriday</b> - the 05/19/2015 at 7:46pm<b>RealSuperSand</b> - the 05/09/2015 at 2:13pm<b>Johnnycake23</b> - the 04/25/2015 at 3:29am<b>Teckzilla</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 5:50pm

laden_swallow09's FML badges


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I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

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laden_swallow09's favorite FMLs

Today, I pulled up to a red light. My ex was in the next car, and my car's windows are so tinted that you can't see through them, so I flipped him off. I was driving my mom's car. FML


I agree, your life sucks (14971) - you deserved it (28369)

On 04/19/2015 at 9:39pm - love - by queenbitch - United States (Michigan)

Today, I got banned from my favourite online video game for calling a person on my team a "Baked Potato". FML

Today, my son invited me to his first standup comedy gig. I accepted, only to later suffer through an hour of the worst jokes I've heard in my entire life. It was so bad, he made Dane Cook look like a comic genius, and I had to resist heckling him. Hours later, I still feel vaguely suicidal. FML


I agree, your life sucks (27786) - you deserved it (5681)

On 04/13/2015 at 11:23am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I went on a blind date at a restaurant. While looking at the menu, my date said "Who even likes kweetch? Gross." When I realized she was trying to say "quiche", I corrected her. That pissed her off. Now I'm at home, alone, trying to decide which hand is going to keep me company tonight. FML


I agree, your life sucks (32199) - you deserved it (7151)

On 04/12/2015 at 1:00pm - intimacy - by left, I guess (man) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, my family checked into a hotel for spring break. The first thing my brother did was steal all the bars of soap and bottles of shampoo. He's now guarding them, and hissing at anyone that tries to take them. I just want to take a shower. FML


I agree, your life sucks (28358) - you deserved it (2804)

On 04/11/2015 at 11:05pm - kids - by ShampooThief - United States

Today, I found out that my family and friends all laugh and compare me to Spongebob behind my back. Why? Because I'm 37 and still can't pass my driver's test. FML


I agree, your life sucks (29181) - you deserved it (17488)

On 04/11/2015 at 3:56am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, a guy tried to carjack me. Good news: I drive a stick shift, and the idiot apparently couldn't, so I still have my car. Bad news: he was so angry, he beat the shit out of me. I had to get stitches, and now I look like I went on a date with Chris Brown. FML


I agree, your life sucks (33184) - you deserved it (2440)

On 04/10/2015 at 2:04pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, while walking my dog, I opened my mouth to yawn. A wasp took the opportunity to fly into my mouth and announce its presence by stinging my tongue. FML

Today, someone lost a support beam on the highway. My car found it. FML

Today, I went to the gun range for a birthday and got shot in the foot by my mom. FML


I agree, your life sucks (31271) - you deserved it (4124)

On 04/08/2015 at 5:17pm - misc - by Notre_Dame_714 - United States

Today, I found out I wasn't invited to the annual family reunion. The reason? Everyone thinks I'm "creepy" because I'm the only adult who will go out and play with the kids. FML


I agree, your life sucks (30398) - you deserved it (2355)

On 04/03/2015 at 7:00pm - misc - by big_bail (man) - United States (California)

Today, I explained to my sister that the reason she isn't getting job offers is probably because her résumé is in Comic Sans and contains TXT language and a lot of typos. She thanked me for my help by calling me a "clueless horse-fucker" and telling me to shut my mouth. FML


I agree, your life sucks (28363) - you deserved it (2264)

On 04/03/2015 at 2:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my internet was out and wasn't due to be fixed until at least Tuesday. I'm a grad student with a lot of online research to do and deadlines to meet, so I desperately bought an expensive and non-returnable portable wifi hub. An hour ago, the internet came back on. FML


I agree, your life sucks (28075) - you deserved it (5742)

On 04/03/2015 at 11:08am - work - by WiFucked (woman) - United Kingdom (Durham)

Today, I was let go from my internship for "not putting in enough effort". I was working 50 hours a week for almost zero pay. FML


I agree, your life sucks (31865) - you deserved it (2546)

On 04/02/2015 at 10:48am - work - by Wellfu (woman) - Europe

Today, my husband was involved in a horrible series of accidents; he repeatedly slipped and fell into my best friend's vagina. FML


I agree, your life sucks (48421) - you deserved it (3644)

On 03/28/2015 at 5:20am - intimacy - by soontobewidow (woman) - Turkey (Istanbul)

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  • Hardcore will never die, but you will. We’re back with some rock n roll, or dare I say it, some punk rock. Don't run away, it's not that terrible stuff that emo kids listen to while slashing their…

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