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laden_swallow09

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laden_swallow09

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 5223
  • Number of comments : 1945
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 12 posted

About laden_swallow09 : They updated the App, so I can read my hate mail! Yay!

I really wish I could take back my FYL or YDI votes, since I tend to miss the button I'm aiming for.

laden_swallow09's page activity

Visits<b>Bullet75</b> - 9 hours ago<b>tartar18</b> - 19 hours ago<b>PB_Crocodile</b> - the 07/27/2014 at 7:58pm<b>lord_meloetta</b> - the 07/25/2014 at 9:26pm<b>midnightm16</b> - the 07/25/2014 at 6:44pm<b>tshurtz722</b> - the 07/25/2014 at 12:19am<b>CandyDawg</b> - the 07/23/2014 at 11:59pm<b>julia2750</b> - the 07/23/2014 at 8:37pm<b>billionair11</b> - the 07/23/2014 at 7:26pm<b>shay_serendipity</b> - the 07/23/2014 at 7:11pm<b>RenoTheRhino</b> - the 07/23/2014 at 7:08pm<b>boser</b> - the 07/23/2014 at 6:32pm<b>AnonymousSpock</b> - the 07/22/2014 at 10:16pm<b>snorgia</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 11:48pm<b>Sam_A16_</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 11:25pm<b>levention</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 3:06am<b>illegalbeagle69</b> - the 07/19/2014 at 10:13pm<b>Niya96</b> - the 07/19/2014 at 8:05pm

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laden_swallow09's favorite FMLs

Today, my husband and I decided to have a quickie before the kids woke up from their nap. The sex was amazing and I couldn't hold in my screams or not hit the wall. About 15 minutes in, both of our children came busting in with their nerf guns, screaming, "Where's the monster?" FML

#21025946
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53069) - you deserved it (32313)

On 01/12/2014 at 8:53pm - intimacy - by anon (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, it was my birthday, so when I woke up, I came downstairs yelling, "ALL I WANT FOR MY BIRTHDAY, IS A BIG BOOTY HOE," only to find that my family had thrown me a surprise party. All my grandparents were at the bottom of the stairs. FML

#21025933
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31694) - you deserved it (39300)

On 01/12/2014 at 8:40pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, after working my shift at McDonalds, I went to clock in at my dispatch job. During a 911 call, I blurted, "Would you like to try the McRib while it's back?" FML

#21023934
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46216) - you deserved it (8702)

On 01/10/2014 at 9:25pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my new neighbor asked if I could keep my dog from yapping during the evenings, because it kept him awake last night. I don't have a dog, but I apologized anyway. I didn't have the heart to admit that those are the sounds my girlfriend makes during sex. FML

#21023843
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48709) - you deserved it (7560)

On 01/10/2014 at 7:24pm - intimacy - by lukas (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend masturbating beside me. I asked if she needed a hand. She called me a pervert and now won't speak to me. FML

#21015691
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61574) - you deserved it (7261)

On 01/03/2014 at 5:08pm - intimacy - by notsohandy (man) - Denmark (Midtjylland)

Today, my son was playing The Sims, when I saw him remove the door to a room and set it on fire with a Sim trapped inside. I chuckled at first, until I saw that the Sim was me. Meanwhile, my wife's Sim was happily painting in the next room, not giving a crap. All too accurate, sadly. FML

#21015673
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46027) - you deserved it (4952)

On 01/03/2014 at 4:50pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I ate some amazing homemade brownies that my best friend's wife made for us. She waited till I'd shoved a third one into my mouth before she mentioned she made them with breast milk. Knowing her, I don't even doubt it was true. FML

#21014374
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42214) - you deserved it (4531)

On 01/02/2014 at 3:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Fife)

Today, I watched my father attempt to light a cigar with the stove and end up burning off some hair and eyebrows. He tried to play it cool, said, "Haircuts are too expensive these days anyway." and walked out, his head smoking. This man is a college professor. FML

Today, my 12-year-old daughter glued her left eyelid shut with fake eyelash glue. After spending 4 hours in the ER, I asked her why she did it. "I wanted to get Blake to notice me," she said. Blake is our neighbor's convict son. FML

Today, my 4-year-old daughter figured out how to set a parental code lock on our television so we can't watch football because it scares her when we scream. She won't tell us no matter what we bribe her with. FML

#21010264
303 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44914) - you deserved it (23377)

On 12/30/2013 at 7:10am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I have to take time off from work to take part in an intervention because my sister's obsession with the guy from Harry Potter has crossed over into illegality. FML

#21009908
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38391) - you deserved it (3039)

On 12/29/2013 at 11:23pm - misc - by LeaveHimAlone (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my 19-year-old brother subjected me to yet another rant about how the writers of My Little Pony aren't writing the show for people like him any more, the "true fans", otherwise known as pimply-faced adults who don't use deodorant and only shower once a week. FML

#21007374
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35383) - you deserved it (3996)

On 12/27/2013 at 3:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I watched "Time of the Doctor" and I'm pretty sure my love of Doctor Who slithered out through my ear and shamefully lodged itself in the darkest corner of the room, crying. FML

#21005939
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30859) - you deserved it (7933)

On 12/26/2013 at 7:08am - love - by anon - Australia

Today, Christmas changed my life. Last year I had a boyfriend to cuddle with on Christmas; this year I have a body pillow of an anime character. FML

#21004509
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37256) - you deserved it (6544)

On 12/25/2013 at 2:46am - love - by lonely otaku (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, a guy punched me in the subway for staring at his girlfriend. I had dark glasses on, and was fast asleep. FML

#21002133
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42761) - you deserved it (3193)

On 12/23/2013 at 3:24am - misc - by GogglesGoggles - United States



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