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Offline (the 06/29/2016 at 3:33am)



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 23 June 1937 (79 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 17975
  • Number of comments : 3390
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 14 posted

About laden_swallow09 : They updated the App, so I can read my hate mail! Yay!

I really wish I could take back some of my FYL or YDI votes, since I tend to miss the button I'm aiming for. And why did they replace the YDI button with this stupid "Glad It Wasn't Me" bullshit? Making FML a more friendly and PC place? I dun geddit. Speaking of PC, this website is ageist against the elderly! Try changing your birthday and see what happens when you say you're born before 1936.

I like to point out stupidity whenever I see it, but that's likely why you're here on my profile, innit?

"It's now very common for them to hear people say, 'I'm rather offended by that,' as if that gives them certain rights. It's no more than a whine. It has no meaning. It has no purpose. It has no reason to be respected as a phrase. 'I am offended by that.' Well, so fucking what?" – Stephen Fry, actor/comedian

If you're thinking about getting an iPhone 6/+, don't. They're way too big.

Oh, yeah. I almost forgot…

laden_swallow09's page activity

Visits<b>hackint0sh1</b> - the 09/06/2016 at 4:53pm<b>cuz803</b> - the 08/26/2016 at 8:26pm<b>yuno_gasai</b> - the 08/26/2016 at 3:28am<b>I_Am_The_Cold</b> - the 08/21/2016 at 9:56pm<b>Dr_Awesome654</b> - the 08/20/2016 at 3:13pm<b>optimusic</b> - the 08/08/2016 at 8:21am<b>NostalgiaFreak9</b> - the 07/25/2016 at 3:51pm<b>Ava_Darkflame</b> - the 07/25/2016 at 12:39pm<b>ImKimitheEmo</b> - the 07/11/2016 at 4:14pm<b>French_giirl</b> - the 06/29/2016 at 6:11pm<b>arsh_fz</b> - the 06/29/2016 at 1:38pm<b>Welshite</b> - the 06/28/2016 at 10:35pm<b>brownapple</b> - the 06/27/2016 at 2:00am<b>purple_bunnies</b> - the 06/24/2016 at 2:48am<b>SaltLord</b> - the 06/22/2016 at 10:54pm<b>Jxce</b> - the 06/22/2016 at 3:03am<b>EvilLittleGirl</b> - the 06/21/2016 at 5:46pm<b>Tripartita</b> - the 06/20/2016 at 4:39pm

Fucked!<b>cuz803</b> - the 08/27/2016 at 2:26am<b>ImKimitheEmo</b> - the 07/11/2016 at 10:14pm<b>EvilLittleGirl</b> - the 06/21/2016 at 11:46pm<b>sinisterviper</b> - the 06/06/2016 at 11:44pm<b>cheyluvsturtles</b> - the 05/31/2016 at 7:29am<b>WarMachine68</b> - the 05/28/2016 at 4:37pm<b>TheGamingGamer</b> - the 05/25/2016 at 3:10pm<b>ThunderLightTSV</b> - the 05/17/2016 at 4:37am<b>Farklez</b> - the 03/29/2016 at 11:18pm<b>Welshite</b> - the 03/11/2016 at 3:24pm<b>crack229</b> - the 03/05/2016 at 7:43pm<b>Toonice45</b> - the 02/08/2016 at 4:59am<b>phoneaddict13</b> - the 02/07/2016 at 9:48pm<b>LivToFail</b> - the 01/25/2016 at 3:48pm<b>cupcakebruh</b> - the 01/11/2016 at 8:07pm<b>MzZombicidal</b> - the 01/08/2016 at 4:39am<b>explodedtaco</b> - the 01/04/2016 at 12:17pm<b>Seashells77</b> - the 01/04/2016 at 8:18am

laden_swallow09's FML badges

I never take things to heart

Having said that, my 3 comments on that FML were really worth it.

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!


You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…

See all of laden_swallow09's badges

laden_swallow09's favorite FMLs

Today, I got several angry messages on Facebook, demanding to know how I could cheat on my wife. They didn't believe me when I said I had no idea what they meant. Turns out my wife made a sarcastic post about my "new mistress". She was talking about Fallout 4. FML

by FalloutScrolls / 11/13/2015 at 9:49am / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I hit it off with a girl at a club and I brought her back to my place. I was sure I was finally going to score, until my useless cat attacked her as we walked upstairs. She fell down the stairs and dislocated her ankle. Just my luck. FML

by Anonymous / 11/07/2015 at 2:12am / United States (Alaska) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that my new boyfriend is a "Men's Rights Activist". FML

by not my bf anymore / 11/05/2015 at 4:15pm / United States / Love

Today, I figured out why my 'best friend' hasn't talked to me in weeks. She assumed an FML post she read was about her. It was posted in 2009. I met her last year. FML

by likecomeon / 11/02/2015 at 10:55pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mother in law basically said I deserve my breast cancer, all because I declined to take part in one of her "March Against Cancer" events a while ago. I guess donating money to cancer research instead of going on a meaningless march really messed up my karma. FML

by Anonymous / 10/31/2015 at 1:44am / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, I finally stood up to the guy who's been bullying me for the last 2 years. Even though he's been caught in the act several times, he never gets punished, so I figured I'd get away with gut-punching him. Nope. An hour later, I was suspended from school. FML

by Anonymous / 10/30/2015 at 6:22pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, my long time girlfriend flew across the country to visit. My asshat roommate decided to introduce himself to her while I was in the bathroom. She left and won't answer my calls. He won't tell me what he said to her. FML

by wellshitthen / 10/21/2015 at 3:30pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my soon to be ex-wife told her friends that we're getting a divorce because I'm physically abusive. I guess that sounded better than the truth: that she waited 8 months into her pregnancy to tell me that the child probably isn't even mine. FML

by Anonymous / 10/21/2015 at 7:40am / Love

Today, I found my daughter's fanfiction account. I need a new pair of eyes, or brain bleach, or both. FML

by Anonymous / 10/18/2015 at 10:23am / United States (Arkansas) / Kids

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend about the importance of foreplay, and that attempting to get me "in the mood" by whipping his cock out and air humping was roughly equivalent to throwing a dry teabag at me and claiming he made a cup of tea. FML

by Anonymous / 10/16/2015 at 11:05am / United Kingdom (Hampshire) / Intimacy

Today, my husband finally admitted that he squandered the last three months of my share of the rent on booze. He then blamed me, demanded more money, asked for a divorce, and stormed out. When he returned he asked, "How am I the bad guy?" FML

by Anonymous / 10/15/2015 at 8:57pm / United States (Kansas) / Love

Today, I was dumped by my girlfriend because she wanted to be with a man who has an income and a stable career. We are seniors in college and I accepted a really good job offer which I start once I graduate, which she knows about. She dumped me for a drug dealer. FML

by WTF / 10/15/2015 at 12:43am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to my cousin's house. I left my bag on the couch as my aunt instructed, only for my cousin to take it and throw it into the swimming pool. My laptop, textbooks and notes were soaked. My exam is in a week, and my aunt won't punish her perfect little angel. FML

by Anonymous / 10/14/2015 at 9:21am / United States (Missouri) / Kids

Today, my boyfriend told me that he doesn't know why I think deepthroating is so uncomfortable. To prove his point, he grabbed my dildo and effortlessly slid it down his throat. FML

by Anonymous / 10/13/2015 at 3:35am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I awoke to the sound of my neighbor's attacking my car with a baseball bat accusing me of calling the cops on them. I did call the cops on them, after they screamed at me last night, drunkenly, to call the cops for them because they thought they were being robbed. FML

by Anonymous / 10/11/2015 at 11:34am / United States (Kentucky) / Transportation