Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

laden_swallow09

Online | Search for a member

laden_swallow09

50Fucked!

laden_swallow09laden_swallow09
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 23 June 1989 (26 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 14253
  • Number of comments : 3153
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 14 posted

About laden_swallow09 : They updated the App, so I can read my hate mail! Yay!

I really wish I could take back some of my FYL or YDI votes, since I tend to miss the button I'm aiming for.

I like to point out stupidity whenever I see it, but that's likely why you're here on my profile, innit?

"It's now very common for them to hear people say, 'I'm rather offended by that,' as if that gives them certain rights. It's no more than a whine. It has no meaning. It has no purpose. It has no reason to be respected as a phrase. 'I am offended by that.' Well, so fucking what?" – Stephen Fry, actor/comedian

If you're thinking about getting an iPhone 6/+, don't. They're way too big.

Oh, yeah. I almost forgot…
HEIL, SPELLCHECK!

laden_swallow09's page activity

Visits<b>phoneaddict13</b> - 4 hours ago<b>papygeorges</b> - yesterday at 2:18am<b>damnfam</b> - the 02/03/2016 at 9:50pm<b>kwilkens</b> - the 02/01/2016 at 11:19pm<b>MrGodface</b> - the 02/01/2016 at 9:49pm<b>Guler28</b> - the 01/31/2016 at 10:08pm<b>saxyguy</b> - the 01/31/2016 at 5:41pm<b>slim_immy</b> - the 01/30/2016 at 4:14am<b>fufufe</b> - the 01/29/2016 at 12:28pm<b>Welshite</b> - the 01/28/2016 at 8:31pm<b>psmith78332</b> - the 01/28/2016 at 8:30pm<b>FujisakiChihiro</b> - the 01/28/2016 at 8:20pm<b>UnidentifiedFun</b> - the 01/25/2016 at 11:01pm<b>thefaekitten</b> - the 01/25/2016 at 11:33am<b>LivToFail</b> - the 01/25/2016 at 9:48am<b>SalsaVerdeDonut</b> - the 01/25/2016 at 8:46am<b>goodvsevil1275</b> - the 01/21/2016 at 6:59pm<b>BillieGoat</b> - the 01/21/2016 at 12:13am

Fucked!<b>phoneaddict13</b> - just now<b>LivToFail</b> - the 01/25/2016 at 3:48pm<b>cupcakebruh</b> - the 01/11/2016 at 8:07pm<b>MzZombicidal</b> - the 01/08/2016 at 4:39am<b>explodedtaco</b> - the 01/04/2016 at 12:17pm<b>Seashells77</b> - the 01/04/2016 at 8:18am<b>mikotomisaki</b> - the 12/29/2015 at 3:53pm<b>kkorn051212</b> - the 12/16/2015 at 4:25am<b>Scrambled</b> - the 11/01/2015 at 2:35pm<b>junjunbun</b> - the 10/10/2015 at 6:43pm<b>FlashlightBob</b> - the 10/07/2015 at 1:14am<b>PremiumWhale</b> - the 09/25/2015 at 4:44am<b>devi_916</b> - the 09/21/2015 at 5:03pm<b>kylie31</b> - the 09/20/2015 at 5:51am<b>openminded8</b> - the 09/11/2015 at 7:57pm<b>interesting33</b> - the 09/09/2015 at 7:12pm<b>I_Like_Dogs</b> - the 08/27/2015 at 11:17am<b>AnAngryyGiraffe</b> - the 08/05/2015 at 1:14pm

laden_swallow09's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

Socialite

You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

See all of laden_swallow09's badges

laden_swallow09's favorite FMLs

Today, someone photoshopped my head onto some nude girl's body and spread it around at school. It was shockingly convincing. Now everyone's calling me a slut, and the worst part is I have no idea which photo the person used or where they got it from, so I can't prove it's a fake. FML

#21467285
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26699) - you deserved it (1582)

On 09/11/2015 at 1:25pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I finally finished restoring a car after working on it for 6 months, so I took it out for a drive. On the way back, I stopped at a red light, but the drunk driver behind me didn't. FML

Today, I caught two kids passing notes to each other in my class, so I told them to see me afterwards. When one of the kids eventually came up, I noticed he was crying. He looked up at me and sobbed out, "I was trying to make my first friend!" FML

#21466251
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26470) - you deserved it (7156)

On 09/08/2015 at 8:03pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, I got a date after being alone for the past 2 years. The girl who my friends set me up with began asking my monthly income, my current occupation, and asked if I have a credit card account. FML

#21466052
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25794) - you deserved it (1897)

On 09/08/2015 at 8:35am - love - by anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while working at a wedding reception, I caught a couple getting touchy in the back of the room, but I swept it under the rug. Apparently, they didn't like getting caught, and reported me to my boss, claiming sexual harassment. I now have to attend social sensitivity training once a week. FML

Today, I started my new job. The first thing my coworkers asked me is what football team I like. When I told them I didn't really like sports, they immediately stopped talking to me and haven't since, even when I ask them work-related questions. FML

#21465159
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23066) - you deserved it (2601)

On 09/06/2015 at 8:46am - work - by NotASportsGuy (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I showed my daughter video footage from a security camera that showed her using her employee key to enter the store I own, disarming the alarm, and stealing several very valuable items. Her defense? That someone had "photoshopped" the video. We'll see how that goes down in court. FML

#21464501
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29076) - you deserved it (2685)

On 09/04/2015 at 1:01pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had to create another signature. I have to use one at the bank and the other around my mother, so that when she tries to cash my paychecks the bank won't let her. FML

#21464185
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28140) - you deserved it (1705)

On 09/03/2015 at 3:54pm - misc - by Why - United States (California)

Today, I discovered that my 100-pound Rottweiler is absolutely terrified of (drumroll please) orange peels. Yup. A byproduct of my lunch will turn this hulking monolith with teeth into a whimpering puddle of pee. FML

#21463927
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24138) - you deserved it (2042)

On 09/02/2015 at 10:30pm - animals - by pansypup - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I agreed to stay a week with my wife's parents, who she told me were traditional Japanese. I was prepared for having to wear Japanese clothes while in the house, but I wasn't prepared for communal bathing in the same huge bath with her father, grandfather, uncle and two brothers. FML

#21463801
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23101) - you deserved it (2323)

On 09/02/2015 at 4:13pm - misc - by Alan (man) - Germany

Today, I let my 9-year-old daughter use my tablet while I made her dinner. A few minutes later, she let out a blood-curdling scream. Turned out she'd searched for My Little Pony pictures and stumbled upon a drawing of Rainbow Dash giving another pony a blowjob. FML

#21463707
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26918) - you deserved it (4694)

On 09/02/2015 at 11:26am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I got fired from my childcare job of five years because the other staff weren't as popular with the kids, so they accused me of being "creepy" because the kids all wanted to play a game with me instead of them. FML

#21463241
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27369) - you deserved it (1479)

On 09/01/2015 at 12:40am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I had to call the doctor regarding my penis. Not because of erectile dysfunction or an erection lasting more than four hours, but because of the multiple fire ant bites I woke up to after falling asleep in my backyard. FML

#21461585
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22352) - you deserved it (3930)

On 08/28/2015 at 2:13am - health - by unsuckable (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, while in line at the supermarket, I told the lady behind me that she had a cute baby. She shot me a disgusted look and straight up accused me of being a pedophile. FML

#21460397
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25142) - you deserved it (1680)

On 08/25/2015 at 2:49am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I was at my summer babysitting job. The family's dog puked on the carpet and I proceeded to clean it up with baking soda and a mix of water/vinegar. Instead of blending in with the other areas of the carpet, the one spot I cleaned is white while the other areas are still darkened by filth. FML

#21460085
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22076) - you deserved it (2195)

On 08/24/2015 at 1:32pm - work - by Anonymous - United States



Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie delivers in 2016
  • Greetings my young friends! It's 2016 and I'm late. No, I'm not pregnant, I'm way too old for that sort of thing, even though I've been trying a lot recently (hey there Didier, you randy rascal…

Friday 5 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: