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laden_swallow09

Offline (15 hours ago) | Search for a member

laden_swallow09

49Fucked!

laden_swallow09laden_swallow09
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 23 June 1989 (26 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 14247
  • Number of comments : 3153
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 14 posted

About laden_swallow09 : They updated the App, so I can read my hate mail! Yay!

I really wish I could take back some of my FYL or YDI votes, since I tend to miss the button I'm aiming for.

I like to point out stupidity whenever I see it, but that's likely why you're here on my profile, innit?

"It's now very common for them to hear people say, 'I'm rather offended by that,' as if that gives them certain rights. It's no more than a whine. It has no meaning. It has no purpose. It has no reason to be respected as a phrase. 'I am offended by that.' Well, so fucking what?" – Stephen Fry, actor/comedian

If you're thinking about getting an iPhone 6/+, don't. They're way too big.

Oh, yeah. I almost forgot…
HEIL, SPELLCHECK!

laden_swallow09's page activity

Visits<b>papygeorges</b> - yesterday at 2:18am<b>damnfam</b> - the 02/03/2016 at 9:50pm<b>kwilkens</b> - the 02/01/2016 at 11:19pm<b>MrGodface</b> - the 02/01/2016 at 9:49pm<b>Guler28</b> - the 01/31/2016 at 10:08pm<b>saxyguy</b> - the 01/31/2016 at 5:41pm<b>slim_immy</b> - the 01/30/2016 at 4:14am<b>fufufe</b> - the 01/29/2016 at 12:28pm<b>Welshite</b> - the 01/28/2016 at 8:31pm<b>psmith78332</b> - the 01/28/2016 at 8:30pm<b>FujisakiChihiro</b> - the 01/28/2016 at 8:20pm<b>UnidentifiedFun</b> - the 01/25/2016 at 11:01pm<b>thefaekitten</b> - the 01/25/2016 at 11:33am<b>LivToFail</b> - the 01/25/2016 at 9:48am<b>SalsaVerdeDonut</b> - the 01/25/2016 at 8:46am<b>goodvsevil1275</b> - the 01/21/2016 at 6:59pm<b>BillieGoat</b> - the 01/21/2016 at 12:13am<b>BabooonLove</b> - the 01/19/2016 at 9:28pm

Fucked!<b>LivToFail</b> - the 01/25/2016 at 3:48pm<b>cupcakebruh</b> - the 01/11/2016 at 8:07pm<b>MzZombicidal</b> - the 01/08/2016 at 4:39am<b>explodedtaco</b> - the 01/04/2016 at 12:17pm<b>Seashells77</b> - the 01/04/2016 at 8:18am<b>mikotomisaki</b> - the 12/29/2015 at 3:53pm<b>kkorn051212</b> - the 12/16/2015 at 4:25am<b>Scrambled</b> - the 11/01/2015 at 2:35pm<b>junjunbun</b> - the 10/10/2015 at 6:43pm<b>FlashlightBob</b> - the 10/07/2015 at 1:14am<b>PremiumWhale</b> - the 09/25/2015 at 4:44am<b>devi_916</b> - the 09/21/2015 at 5:03pm<b>kylie31</b> - the 09/20/2015 at 5:51am<b>openminded8</b> - the 09/11/2015 at 7:57pm<b>interesting33</b> - the 09/09/2015 at 7:12pm<b>I_Like_Dogs</b> - the 08/27/2015 at 11:17am<b>AnAngryyGiraffe</b> - the 08/05/2015 at 1:14pm<b>eski2015</b> - the 07/12/2015 at 6:10am

laden_swallow09's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

Socialite

You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

See all of laden_swallow09's badges

laden_swallow09's favorite FMLs

Today, I received a poorly-written letter from my asshole neighbor in which he threatened to "sew" me because my dog shat on his lawn again. I went over, asked if he needed some wool for his sewing, and told him to stop being an idiot. Now he's apparently hiring a lawyer for real. FML

#20981890
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41869) - you deserved it (23309)

On 12/05/2013 at 5:26pm - misc - by possibly a sweater (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my wicked mother has been with us for a week. She's already thrown away my daughter's favorite toy, broke my computer, scratched my oak table, stained my most expensive shirt, peed in our bed, and called the attention of the cops by staring at kids in school. She's staying for three months. FML

Today, I was gushing about my love for Disney princesses when someone told me I "definitely needed to calm down." By whom? A four-year-old girl. FML

Today, I had to explain to half of my class that yes, my birthday is on the same day as Hitler's, but no, it does not make me a Nazi. FML

#20981261
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43893) - you deserved it (2961)

On 12/05/2013 at 12:14am - misc - by happy birthday to me (woman) - United States

Today, my neighbor put up an electric fence to keep my five-year-old son out. FML

#20980679
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40216) - you deserved it (13844)

On 12/04/2013 at 5:29pm - kids - by Awkward - United States (Washington)

Today, I pulled over a speeding driver. I admit that I'd been hoping for this moment since I joined the police force; the moment a lady put her cleavage on display to get out of a ticket. Sadly, this lady was a senior citizen, and her breasts looked like two semi-deflated balloons. FML

#20977282
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47493) - you deserved it (21400)

On 12/01/2013 at 6:07pm - work - by fuck my eyeballs (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was proud when I started a confrontation with my best friend's brother because he is a sexist pig who treats women like crap. Six hours later my pride was gone: I made him an after-sex sandwich. FML

#20975509
100 comments

Today, my parents kicked me out of the house because they were having a party. They gave me twenty bucks to go see a movie. Well, the movie ended pretty quick, but the trauma of seeing my parents in a swingers' orgy will take some time getting over. FML

#20969815
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72794) - you deserved it (6145)

On 11/25/2013 at 1:16am - intimacy - by why god - United States (California)

Today, I discovered that my heart rate is higher while playing Tetris than it is during sex. FML

#20968767
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40889) - you deserved it (6247)

On 11/24/2013 at 7:30am - misc - by TetrisMaster - Australia

Today, I was taken to the principal's office and bitched out about the dangerous weapon I brought to school. The "weapon" was a pocket fan. FML

#20967061
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43169) - you deserved it (3073)

On 11/22/2013 at 4:57pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I had to explain to my pregnant friend that her plan to get drunk and get a tattoo needed to wait at least 8 months. She then went out for a smoke to calm down. FML

#20966742
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53658) - you deserved it (4074)

On 11/22/2013 at 9:49am - health - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I met a fellow Star Wars fan. We began enthusiastically talking about how almost no one our age knows the good old classics anymore. I was referring to the original trilogy; she was talking about the ones with Jar Jar Binks. FML

#20965369
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40566) - you deserved it (6784)

On 11/21/2013 at 1:00am - love - by StarWarsGeek (woman) - United States

Today, I was cussed out by a customer who was unhappy, and he asked to speak with my manager. When I told him I owned the store, he said that that was the problem. Apparently women are "too flaky" to run a bakery properly. FML

#20964215
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45144) - you deserved it (3001)

On 11/20/2013 at 2:59am - work - by bakingwomannnnnnnn (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I learned that no matter how much of a nerd a girl claims to be, she is not ready for you to speak Klingon during sex. FML

#20963971
260 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28734) - you deserved it (69225)

On 11/19/2013 at 10:42pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend and I were going to have sex. To set the mood, she suggested we watch a porno she once starred in. FML

#20963410
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60899) - you deserved it (9193)

On 11/19/2013 at 2:46pm - intimacy - by oops999 (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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