Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

laden_swallow09

Offline (37 minutes ago) | Search for a member

laden_swallow09

9Liked!

laden_swallow09laden_swallow09
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 9098
  • Number of comments : 2447
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 13 posted

About laden_swallow09 : They updated the App, so I can read my hate mail! Yay!

I really wish I could take back some of my FYL or YDI votes, since I tend to miss the button I'm aiming for.

I like to point out stupidity whenever I see it. That's likely why you're here, innit?

Oh, yeah. I almost forgot…
HEIL, SPELLCHECK!

laden_swallow09's page activity

Visits<b>buckdharma</b> - yesterday at 5:45am<b>FitFriday</b> - yesterday at 3:36pm<b>dapoog124</b> - the 02/25/2015 at 12:33pm<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 02/24/2015 at 8:30am<b>turkeynoodle</b> - the 02/23/2015 at 9:26pm<b>MrConcise</b> - the 02/23/2015 at 7:41pm<b>maximus_prime</b> - the 02/23/2015 at 4:03pm<b>Christine_Junmin</b> - the 02/23/2015 at 2:01pm<b>fridaayy</b> - the 02/23/2015 at 11:22am<b>Danidog74</b> - the 02/23/2015 at 12:36am<b>SecretSociety7</b> - the 02/22/2015 at 5:35pm<b>annihil8or</b> - the 02/21/2015 at 11:37am<b>vegemute</b> - the 02/21/2015 at 4:38am<b>Adeptus_Astartes</b> - the 02/20/2015 at 12:54pm<b>hasbeen</b> - the 02/20/2015 at 12:01pm<b>mikepzz</b> - the 02/19/2015 at 7:30am<b>stephanyovalle</b> - the 02/18/2015 at 4:15pm<b>Fayern</b> - the 02/18/2015 at 2:03pm

Liked!<b>Christine_Junmin</b> - the 02/23/2015 at 8:01pm<b>coraline123c</b> - the 02/18/2015 at 3:49am<b>buckdharma</b> - the 01/29/2015 at 7:07pm<b>AKlife9999</b> - the 10/16/2014 at 3:35pm<b>swagmaster696969</b> - the 10/06/2014 at 7:24pm<b>jenamalone</b> - the 10/06/2014 at 5:17pm<b>okibi1</b> - the 10/05/2014 at 10:38pm<b>sarah5745</b> - the 10/05/2014 at 8:50pm<b>JayDay_123</b> - the 10/05/2014 at 6:01pm

laden_swallow09's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

What'cha looking at?

You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

See all of laden_swallow09's badges

laden_swallow09's favorite FMLs

Today, my boss threatened to fire me for killing him in Minecraft. FML

#20571304
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35195) - you deserved it (7616)

On 04/02/2013 at 6:30am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I got served paperwork stating that my ex-fiancée is suing me again for child support. About 7 years ago, I proved via DNA testing within the court system that I was not the father the first time. I see a talk show in my future. FML

#20570526
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39299) - you deserved it (2563)

On 04/01/2013 at 7:18pm - money - by haku4u (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got served paperwork stating that my ex-fiancée is suing me again for child support. About 7 years ago, I proved via DNA testing within the court system that I was not the father the first time. I see a talk show in my future. FML

#20570526
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39299) - you deserved it (2563)

On 04/01/2013 at 7:18pm - money - by haku4u (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, while working at a porn store, a group of six people tried to return used toys and penis pumps. Even though you can't return any items, it's still an unfortunately common occurrence. The semen in these particular toys, however, is not. All of them began shouting at me for not refunding them. FML

#20569678
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44748) - you deserved it (6269)

On 04/01/2013 at 7:57am - intimacy - by ohgodwhyyoufreaks (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my neighbours came to yell at me as they could hear my "shit music" through my window during the afternoon, so I turned it off. They then began to play their definition of "quality music" into the late hours of the night. I was listening to the Beatles. They blasted Nicki Minaj. FML

#20567871
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52420) - you deserved it (4848)

On 03/31/2013 at 2:24am - misc - by BornInTheWrongEra (woman) - United States

Today, I was chatting with a co-worker, and she mentioned she has trouble swallowing pills. I replied that I'm lucky, because I have next to no gag reflex. Half the guys at the other registers abruptly went silent, and I'm now being constantly hit on. FML

#20564125
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33707) - you deserved it (15349)

On 03/28/2013 at 4:56pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - France (Champagne-Ardenne)

Today, a small fly flew straight up into my nose. I spent 10 minutes trying to blow/scratch/pick it out to no avail. I can still feel it moving. FML

#20556028
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39840) - you deserved it (2750)

On 03/23/2013 at 4:17am - misc - by WTFLY (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, my psycho abstinence-only sex ed teacher claimed condoms give 50% protection at most against pregnancy. I couldn't help but correct her. She apologized for her "mistake", saying, "It's just that we're not ALL sluts, Kara." Now everyone thinks I'm a raging whore. FML

#20555528
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42536) - you deserved it (6255)

On 03/22/2013 at 8:34pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was talking to my boss and he said I was awesome. He went to fist bump me and I missed. FML

#20552081
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27985) - you deserved it (8022)

On 03/20/2013 at 10:31am - work - by missedfistbump - United States

Today, my parents asked me if I was sexually active. My grandma then screamed from upstairs, "She's not even physically active!" FML

#20548943
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48462) - you deserved it (14437)

On 03/18/2013 at 4:59am - intimacy - by Susan (woman) - Ireland

Today, after six months of writing a 40 page paper criticizing a famous method, I found out the professor who conceived it has transferred to my favorite college to head the department I'm applying to study in. They require I submit the paper with my application. FML

#20548512
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31867) - you deserved it (4452)

On 03/17/2013 at 11:09pm - work - by GeoKid (man) - Canada

Today, I was outside at a café and looked at my phone. When I did, a woman halfway across the patio started screaming at me, demanding I tell her who I was texting and why. She then sprinted over, furious at me for apparently badmouthing her to somebody. All I did was check the time. FML

#20547346
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36705) - you deserved it (2581)

On 03/17/2013 at 7:00am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, being too poor to buy makeup, I walked into Macy's and "tested" some products out, just so I could look nice for my job interview. FML

#20541897
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37155) - you deserved it (4407)

On 03/13/2013 at 9:47am - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I woke up to discover that the guy I hooked up with last night did indeed have a mullet. FML

#20535419
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16940) - you deserved it (54766)

On 03/08/2013 at 1:01am - intimacy - by WeHitTurbulence (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my 20-year-old came whining to me, asking why his job interviews keep going so poorly. I had to delicately explain that the "PIMP SLAP" tattoo he had put on his right hand recently may have something to do with it. FML

#20533491
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29867) - you deserved it (4088)

On 03/06/2013 at 1:04pm - kids - by ProudMother (woman) - United Kingdom (Telford and Wrekin)



Mathilde Morieux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Mathilde Morieux's illustrated FML
  • Madonna must be the only person breathing a sigh of relief right now thanks to all the idiots arguing about the colour of a dress. Thanks to a badly-lit photograph, everyone seems to have forgotten that she super…

Friday 27 February 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: