laden_swallow09

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laden_swallow09

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laden_swallow09laden_swallow09
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 23 June 1937 (79 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 16237
  • Number of comments : 3386
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 14 posted

About laden_swallow09 : They updated the App, so I can read my hate mail! Yay!

I really wish I could take back some of my FYL or YDI votes, since I tend to miss the button I'm aiming for. And why did they replace the YDI button with this stupid "Glad It Wasn't Me" bullshit? Making FML a more friendly and PC place? I dun geddit. Speaking of PC, this website is ageist against the elderly! Try changing your birthday and see what happens when you say you're born before 1936.

I like to point out stupidity whenever I see it, but that's likely why you're here on my profile, innit?

"It's now very common for them to hear people say, 'I'm rather offended by that,' as if that gives them certain rights. It's no more than a whine. It has no meaning. It has no purpose. It has no reason to be respected as a phrase. 'I am offended by that.' Well, so fucking what?" – Stephen Fry, actor/comedian

If you're thinking about getting an iPhone 6/+, don't. They're way too big.

Oh, yeah. I almost forgot…
HEIL, SPELLCHECK!

laden_swallow09's page activity

Visits<b>purple_bunnies</b> - 19 hours ago<b>SaltLord</b> - yesterday at 10:54pm<b>Jxce</b> - the 06/22/2016 at 3:03am<b>EvilLittleGirl</b> - the 06/21/2016 at 5:46pm<b>Tripartita</b> - the 06/20/2016 at 4:39pm<b>Weymere</b> - the 06/20/2016 at 3:27pm<b>Welshite</b> - the 06/20/2016 at 9:11am<b>Rababco</b> - the 06/20/2016 at 2:58am<b>namine120409</b> - the 06/13/2016 at 7:26am<b>Undeadmatrix</b> - the 06/11/2016 at 6:02am<b>KenielX</b> - the 06/10/2016 at 8:03pm<b>BananEnigma</b> - the 06/09/2016 at 4:44pm<b>Baustigt</b> - the 06/09/2016 at 10:51am<b>hyposimple90</b> - the 06/08/2016 at 11:35pm<b>maximus_prime</b> - the 06/07/2016 at 2:06am<b>sinisterviper</b> - the 06/06/2016 at 5:43pm<b>trucker2</b> - the 06/06/2016 at 10:15am<b>ThunderLightTSV</b> - the 06/04/2016 at 6:10pm

Fucked!<b>EvilLittleGirl</b> - the 06/21/2016 at 11:46pm<b>sinisterviper</b> - the 06/06/2016 at 11:44pm<b>cheyluvsturtles</b> - the 05/31/2016 at 7:29am<b>WarMachine68</b> - the 05/28/2016 at 4:37pm<b>TheGamingGamer</b> - the 05/25/2016 at 3:10pm<b>ThunderLightTSV</b> - the 05/17/2016 at 4:37am<b>Farklez</b> - the 03/29/2016 at 11:18pm<b>Welshite</b> - the 03/11/2016 at 3:24pm<b>crack229</b> - the 03/05/2016 at 7:43pm<b>Toonice45</b> - the 02/08/2016 at 4:59am<b>phoneaddict13</b> - the 02/07/2016 at 9:48pm<b>LivToFail</b> - the 01/25/2016 at 3:48pm<b>cupcakebruh</b> - the 01/11/2016 at 8:07pm<b>MzZombicidal</b> - the 01/08/2016 at 4:39am<b>explodedtaco</b> - the 01/04/2016 at 12:17pm<b>Seashells77</b> - the 01/04/2016 at 8:18am<b>mikotomisaki</b> - the 12/29/2015 at 3:53pm<b>kkorn051212</b> - the 12/16/2015 at 4:25am

laden_swallow09's FML badges

I never take things to heart

Having said that, my 3 comments on that FML were really worth it.

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

Socialite

You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…

See all of laden_swallow09's badges

laden_swallow09's favorite FMLs

Today, I hooked up with a girl at a club, and we had sex. She just lay there like a corpse the whole time. It got so bad, I ended up faking an orgasm and blaming the lack of semen on a botched vasectomy. She actually believed it. What the hell? FML

by Anonymous / 08/12/2014 at 4:24pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy

Today, I heard my sister gagging in her room. She was doing it quietly, and I got pretty concerned, after hearing a lot about bulimia recently. I knocked, then heard a gasp, so I let myself in, only to see her on her knees and her boyfriend with his underwear around his ankles. FML

by Anonymous / 08/09/2014 at 3:29pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy

Today, my idiot son tried to get a veteran's discount at American Eagle because he's "a fifth prestige" on Call of Duty. FML

by Anonymous / 08/09/2014 at 9:31am / United States (Ohio) / Kids

Today, I went with my girlfriend to the gym for the first time. I knew I was in bad shape, but I bet her that I could lift more than her. Not only did I get my ass handed to me by a 5', 115lbs girl in front of the entire gym, I also have to attend Zumba in bright pink spandex. FML

by Dancing King / 08/07/2014 at 11:36am / Norway (Rogaland) / Health

Today, I was taking an order for a patron at the casino. The policy is to "pay first." After explaining this to him, he still refused to pay. After years of being polite, I finally cracked and said, "You are making this really f-ing difficult". This particular patron was our CEO's son. FML

by really though? / 08/03/2014 at 6:02pm / United States (Delaware) / Work

Today, at work, an old man was having trouble using his credit card at the checkout. I told him to "just stick it in", and he replied with "I love it when you talk dirty to me." The whole line at the checkout laughed. FML

by Anonymous / 08/03/2014 at 1:16am / Australia (Western Australia) / Work

Today, I found out that my wife of 12 years has slept with the workmen we've had working on our long term building project. They call her the "quickie queen". FML

by Anonymous / 08/01/2014 at 2:27pm / United Kingdom (Glasgow City) / Intimacy

Today, I had trouble carrying a box upstairs because my arms were sore from working out. My mom asked me, "Why are you working out so much then?" I didn't have the heart to tell her it was because of her 100-pound weight gain and that I didn't want to end up looking like her. FML

by jogginglikeitsmyjob / 07/31/2014 at 7:51am / United States (Massachusetts) / Health

Today, I got rear-ended because my ultra-clingy girlfriend wouldn't let go of my hand long enough for me to shift gears. FML

by Anonymous / 07/25/2014 at 5:18pm / United Kingdom (Derbyshire) / Love

Today, I woke up from a nap to find my little brother playing some games on my phone. A few hours later I come to find he had deleted all 500 pictures from my trip to Europe last month. He needed more space to download the games. Mom says he's too young to understand what he did wrong. He's 14. FML

by stupid older sister / 07/24/2014 at 5:54pm / United States (Illinois) / Geek

Today, I went on Facebook. The third post down was a selfie of my mom looking sad, with the caption, "God I need a good dicking." FML

by Anonymous / 07/23/2014 at 4:00pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I went to my weekly AA meeting. It was a huge crowd and I was the guest speaker. Not 5 minutes into my speech, I was booed off stage and banned from further attendance because I accidentally wore a Jack Daniel's shirt. FML

by dypshyyt / 07/22/2014 at 7:20pm / United States (Florida) / Health

Today, I walked in on my 15-year-old daughter stripping on Skype for strangers. FML

by Anonymous / 07/22/2014 at 1:39pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, the guy I've been seeing for a year and a half ended it. Why? He found another girl. "She's just like you." FML

by anonymous / 07/19/2014 at 12:43am / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, my mom told me my relationship is a joke, because teenagers don't understand the meaning of relationships and commitment. I couldn't help but remind her how she's divorced three separate men to date. She hit me over the head so hard that snot flew out of my nose. FML

by Anonymous / 07/18/2014 at 7:06pm / United States (New York) / Love