laden_swallow09

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laden_swallow09

58Fucked!

laden_swallow09laden_swallow09
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 23 June 1989 (26 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 15904
  • Number of comments : 3345
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 14 posted

About laden_swallow09 : They updated the App, so I can read my hate mail! Yay!

I really wish I could take back some of my FYL or YDI votes, since I tend to miss the button I'm aiming for.

I like to point out stupidity whenever I see it, but that's likely why you're here on my profile, innit?

"It's now very common for them to hear people say, 'I'm rather offended by that,' as if that gives them certain rights. It's no more than a whine. It has no meaning. It has no purpose. It has no reason to be respected as a phrase. 'I am offended by that.' Well, so fucking what?" – Stephen Fry, actor/comedian

If you're thinking about getting an iPhone 6/+, don't. They're way too big.

Oh, yeah. I almost forgot…
HEIL, SPELLCHECK!

laden_swallow09's page activity

Visits<b>cheyluvsturtles</b> - 24 hours ago<b>CogadhTallon</b> - the 05/29/2016 at 6:48pm<b>Starfall101</b> - the 05/29/2016 at 2:46pm<b>DubiousDude69</b> - the 05/28/2016 at 1:20pm<b>shadow_heart_13</b> - the 05/28/2016 at 11:18am<b>WarMachine68</b> - the 05/28/2016 at 10:37am<b>Wiringify</b> - the 05/27/2016 at 9:38pm<b>feven</b> - the 05/25/2016 at 6:27pm<b>TheGamingGamer</b> - the 05/25/2016 at 9:09am<b>willowtreeowl</b> - the 05/24/2016 at 9:02am<b>mr_dour</b> - the 05/23/2016 at 9:59pm<b>tin_cup</b> - the 05/22/2016 at 10:20pm<b>JayGatsby</b> - the 05/22/2016 at 9:01pm<b>neil12321</b> - the 05/22/2016 at 4:27pm<b>kentrm</b> - the 05/22/2016 at 2:24pm<b>ctosc</b> - the 05/22/2016 at 1:58am<b>Itineranthuman</b> - the 05/21/2016 at 11:22pm<b>Welshite</b> - the 05/21/2016 at 6:38pm

Fucked!<b>cheyluvsturtles</b> - 18 hours ago<b>WarMachine68</b> - the 05/28/2016 at 4:37pm<b>TheGamingGamer</b> - the 05/25/2016 at 3:10pm<b>ThunderLightTSV</b> - the 05/17/2016 at 4:37am<b>Farklez</b> - the 03/29/2016 at 11:18pm<b>Welshite</b> - the 03/11/2016 at 3:24pm<b>crack229</b> - the 03/05/2016 at 7:43pm<b>Toonice45</b> - the 02/08/2016 at 4:59am<b>phoneaddict13</b> - the 02/07/2016 at 9:48pm<b>LivToFail</b> - the 01/25/2016 at 3:48pm<b>cupcakebruh</b> - the 01/11/2016 at 8:07pm<b>MzZombicidal</b> - the 01/08/2016 at 4:39am<b>explodedtaco</b> - the 01/04/2016 at 12:17pm<b>Seashells77</b> - the 01/04/2016 at 8:18am<b>mikotomisaki</b> - the 12/29/2015 at 3:53pm<b>kkorn051212</b> - the 12/16/2015 at 4:25am<b>Scrambled</b> - the 11/01/2015 at 2:35pm<b>junjunbun</b> - the 10/10/2015 at 6:43pm

laden_swallow09's FML badges

I never take things to heart

Having said that, my 3 comments on that FML were really worth it.

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

Socialite

You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…

See all of laden_swallow09's badges

laden_swallow09's favorite FMLs

Today, I went with my girlfriend to the gym for the first time. I knew I was in bad shape, but I bet her that I could lift more than her. Not only did I get my ass handed to me by a 5', 115lbs girl in front of the entire gym, I also have to attend Zumba in bright pink spandex. FML

by Dancing King / 08/07/2014 at 11:36am / Norway (Rogaland) / Health

Today, I was taking an order for a patron at the casino. The policy is to "pay first." After explaining this to him, he still refused to pay. After years of being polite, I finally cracked and said, "You are making this really f-ing difficult". This particular patron was our CEO's son. FML

by really though? / 08/03/2014 at 6:02pm / United States (Delaware) / Work

Today, at work, an old man was having trouble using his credit card at the checkout. I told him to "just stick it in", and he replied with "I love it when you talk dirty to me." The whole line at the checkout laughed. FML

by Anonymous / 08/03/2014 at 1:16am / Australia (Western Australia) / Work

Today, I found out that my wife of 12 years has slept with the workmen we've had working on our long term building project. They call her the "quickie queen". FML

by Anonymous / 08/01/2014 at 2:27pm / United Kingdom (Glasgow City) / Intimacy

Today, I had trouble carrying a box upstairs because my arms were sore from working out. My mom asked me, "Why are you working out so much then?" I didn't have the heart to tell her it was because of her 100-pound weight gain and that I didn't want to end up looking like her. FML

by jogginglikeitsmyjob / 07/31/2014 at 7:51am / United States (Massachusetts) / Health

Today, I got rear-ended because my ultra-clingy girlfriend wouldn't let go of my hand long enough for me to shift gears. FML

by Anonymous / 07/25/2014 at 5:18pm / United Kingdom (Derbyshire) / Love

Today, I woke up from a nap to find my little brother playing some games on my phone. A few hours later I come to find he had deleted all 500 pictures from my trip to Europe last month. He needed more space to download the games. Mom says he's too young to understand what he did wrong. He's 14. FML

by stupid older sister / 07/24/2014 at 5:54pm / United States (Illinois) / Geek

Today, I went on Facebook. The third post down was a selfie of my mom looking sad, with the caption, "God I need a good dicking." FML

by Anonymous / 07/23/2014 at 4:00pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I went to my weekly AA meeting. It was a huge crowd and I was the guest speaker. Not 5 minutes into my speech, I was booed off stage and banned from further attendance because I accidentally wore a Jack Daniel's shirt. FML

by dypshyyt / 07/22/2014 at 7:20pm / United States (Florida) / Health

Today, I walked in on my 15-year-old daughter stripping on Skype for strangers. FML

by Anonymous / 07/22/2014 at 1:39pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, the guy I've been seeing for a year and a half ended it. Why? He found another girl. "She's just like you." FML

by anonymous / 07/19/2014 at 12:43am / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, my mom told me my relationship is a joke, because teenagers don't understand the meaning of relationships and commitment. I couldn't help but remind her how she's divorced three separate men to date. She hit me over the head so hard that snot flew out of my nose. FML

by Anonymous / 07/18/2014 at 7:06pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I had a customer write "fuck you" in the tip option area on his credit card slip, I have no idea why. FML

by tuck87 / 07/18/2014 at 11:49am / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I'm too nice. Apparently, me being nice to him makes him feel guilty. FML

by toonice / 07/17/2014 at 4:48pm / United States (Oregon) / Love

Today, I had to drop off my library book. I thought I'd dropped in into the library book drop, but I'd accidentally put it in the post office mail box. To get the book back, I had to explain this incident five times to three librarians, a mailman, and my sister who called me ridiculous. FML

by lolateverything / 07/17/2014 at 12:25am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.