Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

laden_swallow09

Offline (18 hours ago) | Search for a member

laden_swallow09

29Fucked!

laden_swallow09laden_swallow09
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 23 June 1989 (26 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 11598
  • Number of comments : 2750
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 14 posted

About laden_swallow09 : They updated the App, so I can read my hate mail! Yay!

I really wish I could take back some of my FYL or YDI votes, since I tend to miss the button I'm aiming for.

I like to point out stupidity whenever I see it, but that's likely why you're here, innit?

"It's now very common for them to hear people say, 'I'm rather offended by that,' as if that gives them certain rights. It's no more than a whine. It has no meaning. It has no purpose. It has no reason to be respected as a phrase. 'I am offended by that.' Well, so fucking what?" – Stephen Fry, actor/comedian

Oh, yeah. I almost forgot…
HEIL, SPELLCHECK!

laden_swallow09's page activity

Visits<b>BlaqMontana</b> - the 07/03/2015 at 12:18pm<b>saffy66</b> - the 07/03/2015 at 11:10am<b>JayGatsby</b> - the 07/02/2015 at 11:25pm<b>astral12345</b> - the 07/02/2015 at 8:10pm<b>NoName011</b> - the 07/02/2015 at 3:40pm<b>FuckFace10</b> - the 07/02/2015 at 10:46am<b>julia2750</b> - the 07/01/2015 at 1:29pm<b>Mr_Satan</b> - the 07/01/2015 at 4:28am<b>dont_doubt_me</b> - the 06/30/2015 at 2:36pm<b>Di11y</b> - the 06/30/2015 at 9:18am<b>stephanyovalle</b> - the 06/30/2015 at 4:01am<b>DarthTaco351</b> - the 06/28/2015 at 10:33pm<b>Roxy41013</b> - the 06/28/2015 at 1:14pm<b>ProfessorMctitie</b> - the 06/27/2015 at 9:07pm<b>AnnaDeWitt</b> - the 06/27/2015 at 5:08am<b>addixkay</b> - the 06/27/2015 at 12:53am<b>lazrguideddonut</b> - the 06/27/2015 at 12:14am<b>VolitairianArrow</b> - the 06/26/2015 at 2:16pm

Fucked!<b>saffy66</b> - yesterday at 5:10pm<b>JayGatsby</b> - the 07/03/2015 at 5:25am<b>milkie</b> - the 06/23/2015 at 8:16pm<b>AddictGamer</b> - the 06/08/2015 at 6:25am<b>FitFriday</b> - the 05/19/2015 at 7:46pm<b>RealSuperSand</b> - the 05/09/2015 at 2:13pm<b>Johnnycake23</b> - the 04/25/2015 at 3:29am<b>Teckzilla</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 5:50pm<b>apineapple</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 6:45am<b>Kazze</b> - the 04/11/2015 at 12:53am<b>Zigstyle308</b> - the 04/06/2015 at 11:18am<b>TheTrainKid</b> - the 03/22/2015 at 9:44pm<b>Ingalls9</b> - the 03/20/2015 at 10:04pm<b>csjc</b> - the 03/16/2015 at 5:47am<b>demonddm</b> - the 03/07/2015 at 2:39pm<b>ksks1234</b> - the 03/05/2015 at 7:03pm<b>ChoolyBooly</b> - the 03/01/2015 at 6:20am<b>Christine_Junmin</b> - the 02/23/2015 at 8:01pm

laden_swallow09's FML badges

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

What'cha looking at?

You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.

See all of laden_swallow09's badges

laden_swallow09's favorite FMLs

Today, I got the same feeling in my chest when I orgasmed as when I hit a hard section in Guitar Hero. FML

#21187067
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37137) - you deserved it (7491)

On 06/24/2014 at 8:07pm - intimacy - by massachusettsan (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, while working in a call center at a university, someone threatened to report me to the President of the University because "I" wouldn't accept their daughter who had a 1.5 GPA and "got accepted into Harvard". I don't even make the decisions, I just answer calls. FML

Today, I confronted my girlfriend over how she and a male friend have been going out together, drinking and partying, and at one point holding hands in the street. She angrily accused ME of cheating, because "confronting people like that" is apparently something only cheaters themselves do. FML

#21173408
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47009) - you deserved it (4675)

On 06/13/2014 at 3:13pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Alaska)

Today, I was walking in the street, and the next thing I know, I'm waking up in a hospital. According to witnesses, a guy came up and hit me over the head with a baseball bat. Apparently that's a thing that happens now. But it's okay, he had an excuse: he said he was drunk. FML

#21168803
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47220) - you deserved it (3487)

On 06/09/2014 at 9:56pm - health - by Harry (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, at college, I was frantically trying to finish an essay on gay rights that was due less than an hour later. In the end I failed, because the college internet filters kept classifying every single page containing the information I needed as "sex", and blocked it all. FML

#21166210
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38875) - you deserved it (13789)

On 06/07/2014 at 3:16pm - work - by fstfckd (man) - United States

Today, my students turned in their male figure artwork. One absolute idiot had the smart idea of drawing me and the TA as some kind of gay lovers. I was torn between disgust at the explicitness, anger at the disrespect, and yet awe at how well-drawn it was. FML

#21165062
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42922) - you deserved it (6238)

On 06/06/2014 at 3:00pm - work - by confusing (man) - Zimbabwe

Today, I babysat the brattiest and most foul-mouthed 8-year-old I've ever met. After I survived three hours of it, his parents finally came home. He claimed I'd invited a boy over and that we did "stuff" on the couch all evening. They believed him. I didn't get paid, to say the least. FML

#21164043
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53101) - you deserved it (3857)

On 06/05/2014 at 4:05pm - kids - by bastards (woman) - Netherlands (Zuid-Holland)

Today, a customer at work said his table was dirty. I asked which one he was sitting at so I could clean it for him. For some bizarre reason he got pissed and called my manager over. He ended up reporting us to corporate, and my manager got written up. He's blaming me for everything. FML

#21163809
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41843) - you deserved it (3313)

On 06/05/2014 at 11:16am - work - by DarkSerebii (woman) - United States

Today, I figured I needed to go on a diet when I discovered I could make farting noises with my neck. FML

#21163432
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36255) - you deserved it (16856)

On 06/05/2014 at 12:11am - health - by fat and alone - United States (Alabama)

Today, I was talking to one of my British friends online, and he told me to say "yew anchors" a few times really fast. I'm a fairly stupid person, and wasn't very focused, so I did as he said. When I finally figured what the words meant, my dad had heard and grounded me for cursing. FML

#21161539
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32871) - you deserved it (9586)

On 06/03/2014 at 11:36am - kids - by properpissed (man) - United States (California)

Today, my university considered it an "embarrassment" that I was going to be the first and only person to graduate from my engineering course, so they gave free passes to two guys who hadn't finished their thesis yet. They were congratulated in the newspaper; I wasn't. FML

Today, I got written up for asking my coworker a question that I should have asked my boss to ask my coworker. Yay bureaucracy. FML

#21159568
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39265) - you deserved it (3719)

On 06/01/2014 at 5:03pm - work - by not paid enough (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my neighbor threatened to call the cops if I didn't turn the volume down on my porno. I was only watching women's tennis. FML

#21157299
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43565) - you deserved it (4921)

On 05/30/2014 at 4:07pm - misc - by Mem (woman) - Sweden (Gavleborgs Lan)

Today, some girl's mom gave me a load of abuse for endangering her daughter's health. How? By deleting my Facebook account, which caused her to have a serious panic attack. Apparently she thought we were best friends, and that I was ditching her. I'm confused too. FML

#21149491
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42842) - you deserved it (3137)

On 05/23/2014 at 6:44pm - misc - by nikaea (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I collected my students' final essays. One of them submitted a printout of a screenshot he took with his phone. Too bad a browser address bar was still in the shot, along with a "click to read more" link at the bottom. My students are too dumb and lazy to even plagiarize properly. FML

#21148317
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43700) - you deserved it (4527)

On 05/22/2014 at 12:47pm - work - by What am I doing with my life? - United States (Colorado)



FML's blog

  • Angie's illustrated FML
  • Here we go again. This week I'm talking to you live from the Paris Japan Expo. I'm dressed up as Bernard from the Sailor Moon series, and I almost got kicked out because my katana wasn't the…

Friday 3 July 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: