Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

laden_swallow09

Online | Search for a member

laden_swallow09

6Liked!

laden_swallow09laden_swallow09
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 8307
  • Number of comments : 2360
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 13 posted

About laden_swallow09 : They updated the App, so I can read my hate mail! Yay!

I really wish I could take back some of my FYL or YDI votes, since I tend to miss the button I'm aiming for.

I like to point out stupidity whenever I see it. That's likely why you're here, innit?

Oh, yeah. I almost forgot…
HEIL, SPELLCHECK!

laden_swallow09's page activity

Visits<b>addisonrose12</b> - 3 hours ago<b>WattledParsley</b> - 21 hours ago<b>wastingtimeisfun</b> - 24 hours ago<b>Amiiii</b> - yesterday at 12:49pm<b>SecretSociety7</b> - yesterday at 11:12am<b>emeester</b> - the 01/25/2015 at 10:16am<b>Samiepoo</b> - the 01/24/2015 at 4:17pm<b>staaacey</b> - the 01/24/2015 at 2:54am<b>ImBored15</b> - the 01/23/2015 at 10:53pm<b>neeni88</b> - the 01/23/2015 at 7:03pm<b>afranklin212</b> - the 01/23/2015 at 3:12pm<b>ProfessorMctitie</b> - the 01/23/2015 at 12:24pm<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 01/23/2015 at 9:13am<b>xwingtwo</b> - the 01/22/2015 at 1:37pm<b>maximus_prime</b> - the 01/22/2015 at 12:15pm<b>Jazoo1</b> - the 01/20/2015 at 4:04pm<b>jenamalone</b> - the 01/20/2015 at 12:47pm<b>iAmPaul</b> - the 01/20/2015 at 9:17am

Liked!<b>AKlife9999</b> - the 10/16/2014 at 3:35pm<b>swagmaster696969</b> - the 10/06/2014 at 7:24pm<b>jenamalone</b> - the 10/06/2014 at 5:17pm<b>okibi1</b> - the 10/05/2014 at 10:38pm<b>sarah5745</b> - the 10/05/2014 at 8:50pm<b>JayDay_123</b> - the 10/05/2014 at 6:01pm

laden_swallow09's FML badges

What'cha looking at?

You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

You sure know how to party?

You posted a comment on the 31st of December between 11pm and 1am. Happy New Year!

See all of laden_swallow09's badges

laden_swallow09's favorite FMLs

Today, I asked my lazy daughter to go make her bed. She responded by lighting our garbage bin on fire. FML

#21001381
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39394) - you deserved it (9325)

On 12/22/2013 at 2:10pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Israel

Today, I woke up to a loud crashing in the middle of the night. I went to investigate, but found nothing amiss. Nothing except an axe firmly wedged in my front door, that is. It's safe to say that I have no clue who did it, and that I needed a fresh pair of underwear. FML

#20999316
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43846) - you deserved it (2594)

On 12/20/2013 at 4:05pm - misc - by nopissleft (man) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, after finals, my English professor left me less than one percent from an A. Why? All semester long, he took away points because my opinions did not match his. FML

Today, my teenage daughter found out that she's pregnant, but insists she's still a virgin. Who does she think knocked her up? God? FML

#20996030
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54887) - you deserved it (7213)

On 12/17/2013 at 4:57pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Egypt

Today, my husband called me from the store, trying to decide whether or not to buy the new games console he's been wanting. I'd already purchased one and hid it, ready for Christmas Day. I couldn't talk him into not buying himself one. There goes a $500 surprise. FML

#20995972
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43262) - you deserved it (6256)

On 12/17/2013 at 4:17pm - money - by pissed (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend dumped me via Facebook. I cared more about the spelling mistakes he made than the actual message. FML

#20994896
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36687) - you deserved it (10572)

On 12/16/2013 at 5:43pm - love - by dana (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, for my 18th birthday my mum gave me a black lace thong. I'm a guy. FML

#20992659
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38530) - you deserved it (3687)

On 12/14/2013 at 7:48pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada

Today, my sister brought a guy home while our parents were out. They had sex in her bedroom. I heard everything. The worst part wasn't her stupidly excessive moaning; it was that the moans sounded eerily similar to a cow mooing. FML

#20991588
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50412) - you deserved it (4637)

On 12/13/2013 at 7:34pm - intimacy - by puking now (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I came across a tourist in the street asking people for directions, but nobody understood him. I speak English, so I went to help the gentleman out. He said "Knock it off with the cheesy accent, pal" and informed me that my country is a shithole. FML

#20991671
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39837) - you deserved it (3143)

On 12/13/2013 at 5:20pm - misc - by thank u usa (man) - Germany

Today, my girlfriend sent her new boyfriend over to my place to break up with me for her. FML

#20990341
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49081) - you deserved it (3138)

On 12/12/2013 at 4:53pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - New Zealand (Hawke's Bay)

Today, a classmate's mother called my phone, threatening to have my dorm room raided for drugs. Why? She saw our text messages discussing where he would pick up the textbook I borrowed and thought it was the new "code name" for weed. FML

#20988723
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38362) - you deserved it (2449)

On 12/11/2013 at 6:58am - misc - by a.white - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, marks my fifth day being an English teacher's assistant. I spent it like the other four days: grading and editing terrible Teen Wolf, One Direction and Doctor Who high school fan-fiction. Six months until I get out of here. FML

#20987358
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38008) - you deserved it (5725)

On 12/10/2013 at 2:38am - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my elderly neighbor along with our community church's priest came to my house and demanded to "give them the girl". The girl is my 3-year-old daughter, who has natural born red irises and is photo-sensitive. And yes, we are also Romanian. FML

#20985281
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54746) - you deserved it (3067)

On 12/08/2013 at 5:07pm - kids - by OakStake (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my 6-year-old daughter got mad at me for not buying her yet another expensive doll. I had to pull her away, and she started screaming for help. The next thing I know, another shopper puts me in a chokehold and calls for security, all while my daughter smirks. FML

#20983816
270 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48637) - you deserved it (5674)

On 12/07/2013 at 12:29pm - kids - by john doe (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I received a poorly-written letter from my asshole neighbor in which he threatened to "sew" me because my dog shat on his lawn again. I went over, asked if he needed some wool for his sewing, and told him to stop being an idiot. Now he's apparently hiring a lawyer for real. FML

#20981890
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39174) - you deserved it (21761)

On 12/05/2013 at 5:26pm - misc - by possibly a sweater (man) - United States (Texas)



Idan Schneider's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Idan Schneider's illustrated FML
  • Oi! Stop "playing" that digeridoo and get out! There, now that I've tidied up my apartment, we can begin. How are you all doing? Have you got your leather jacket out of storage to go hang out down at…

Thursday 22 January 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: