laden_swallow09

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laden_swallow09

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laden_swallow09laden_swallow09
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 23 June 1989 (26 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 15280
  • Number of comments : 3267
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 14 posted

About laden_swallow09 : They updated the App, so I can read my hate mail! Yay!

I really wish I could take back some of my FYL or YDI votes, since I tend to miss the button I'm aiming for.

I like to point out stupidity whenever I see it, but that's likely why you're here on my profile, innit?

"It's now very common for them to hear people say, 'I'm rather offended by that,' as if that gives them certain rights. It's no more than a whine. It has no meaning. It has no purpose. It has no reason to be respected as a phrase. 'I am offended by that.' Well, so fucking what?" – Stephen Fry, actor/comedian

If you're thinking about getting an iPhone 6/+, don't. They're way too big.

Oh, yeah. I almost forgot…
HEIL, SPELLCHECK!

laden_swallow09's page activity

Visits<b>burgermike92</b> - 11 hours ago<b>JennaMcHenry</b> - the 04/25/2016 at 12:56am<b>swag420xoxo</b> - the 04/24/2016 at 9:57pm<b>URBeingLied2</b> - the 04/21/2016 at 5:19pm<b>Helldemon</b> - the 04/20/2016 at 10:06pm<b>Rababco</b> - the 04/19/2016 at 7:21pm<b>10220706</b> - the 04/19/2016 at 3:00pm<b>stereomommy</b> - the 04/11/2016 at 12:34pm<b>H4NKHi11</b> - the 04/09/2016 at 7:44pm<b>Arcady</b> - the 04/09/2016 at 9:26am<b>aliceaudrey1997</b> - the 04/04/2016 at 4:38am<b>nerdbird88</b> - the 04/03/2016 at 10:32pm<b>noisyboy4000</b> - the 04/02/2016 at 10:39pm<b>UltimateGamerQ8</b> - the 04/01/2016 at 1:53pm<b>Farklez</b> - the 03/29/2016 at 5:18pm<b>dabomb467</b> - the 03/26/2016 at 9:14pm<b>herecomestheboom</b> - the 03/25/2016 at 4:40am<b>9a_1z</b> - the 03/24/2016 at 9:36pm

Fucked!<b>Farklez</b> - the 03/29/2016 at 11:18pm<b>Welshite</b> - the 03/11/2016 at 3:24pm<b>crack229</b> - the 03/05/2016 at 7:43pm<b>Toonice45</b> - the 02/08/2016 at 4:59am<b>phoneaddict13</b> - the 02/07/2016 at 9:48pm<b>LivToFail</b> - the 01/25/2016 at 3:48pm<b>cupcakebruh</b> - the 01/11/2016 at 8:07pm<b>MzZombicidal</b> - the 01/08/2016 at 4:39am<b>explodedtaco</b> - the 01/04/2016 at 12:17pm<b>Seashells77</b> - the 01/04/2016 at 8:18am<b>mikotomisaki</b> - the 12/29/2015 at 3:53pm<b>kkorn051212</b> - the 12/16/2015 at 4:25am<b>Scrambled</b> - the 11/01/2015 at 2:35pm<b>junjunbun</b> - the 10/10/2015 at 6:43pm<b>FlashlightBob</b> - the 10/07/2015 at 1:14am<b>PremiumWhale</b> - the 09/25/2015 at 4:44am<b>devi_916</b> - the 09/21/2015 at 5:03pm<b>kylie31</b> - the 09/20/2015 at 5:51am

laden_swallow09's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

Socialite

You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

See all of laden_swallow09's badges

laden_swallow09's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to the gun range for a birthday and got shot in the foot by my mom. FML

by Notre_Dame_714 / 04/08/2015 at 5:17pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out I wasn't invited to the annual family reunion. The reason? Everyone thinks I'm "creepy" because I'm the only adult who will go out and play with the kids. FML

by big_bail / 04/03/2015 at 7:00pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I explained to my sister that the reason she isn't getting job offers is probably because her résumé is in Comic Sans and contains TXT language and a lot of typos. She thanked me for my help by calling me a "clueless horse-fucker" and telling me to shut my mouth. FML

by Anonymous / 04/03/2015 at 2:43pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, my internet was out and wasn't due to be fixed until at least Tuesday. I'm a grad student with a lot of online research to do and deadlines to meet, so I desperately bought an expensive and non-returnable portable wifi hub. An hour ago, the internet came back on. FML

by WiFucked / 04/03/2015 at 11:08am / United Kingdom (Durham) / Work

Today, I was let go from my internship for "not putting in enough effort". I was working 50 hours a week for almost zero pay. FML

by Wellfu / 04/02/2015 at 10:48am / Europe / Work

Today, my husband was involved in a horrible series of accidents; he repeatedly slipped and fell into my best friend's vagina. FML

by soontobewidow / 03/28/2015 at 5:20am / Turkey (Istanbul) / Intimacy

Today, my pyromaniac sister somehow got her hands on my dad's lighter and set my bed sheets on fire. My dad said I must have provoked her, and that she can't be blamed for her mental condition. So now I'm grounded, and she has a new doll house to calm her down. FML

by Anonymous / 03/28/2015 at 12:39am / United States (Alabama) / Kids

Today, my girlfriend of a month told me that the only thing keeping her from swallowing a bottle of pills is being in a relationship with me, because she doesn't handle breakups well. FML

by cherokeems / 03/26/2015 at 1:44pm / United States (Tennessee) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, three of my dipshit coworkers kept whining all day about Zayne Malik leaving One Direction, how devastating it is, and what it means for their future. As a pacifist, I've never had to struggle so hard to not beat the piss out of people and hurl their broken remains out a window. FML

by Anonymous / 03/25/2015 at 3:00pm / United States (New Jersey) / Work

Today, I disproved a scientific theory created by my supervisor. He was furious and said that I shouldn't have tried to disprove him. He told me to continue working with his theory and now he threatens to fire me if I publish my work. FML

by ZG_Rules / 03/20/2015 at 10:38am / Netherlands (Gelderland) / Work

Today, I found out how much those tiny dogs cost when my German Shepherd ate one. FML

by brokeforever / 03/18/2015 at 6:23pm / Latvia (Riga) / Animals

Today, after months of job hunting, I finally got a phone call. They were impressed with me. That's when my son decided to throw a tantrum asking for food. After some silence, the caller told me they were looking for someone who wasn't juggling little kids at home and hung up. My son is 20. FML

by Stressed Mother / 03/18/2015 at 5:26pm / United States (New Jersey) / Kids

Today, I moved in with my boyfriend. The first thing he did was hand me a paper containing listed rules he expects me to follow. When I asked if it was a joke, he promptly pointed to number 7 on the list, "Cleanliness is not a joke". FML

Today, after several months of eating right, exercising, and weight loss, my mother has yet again arrived at my house, unannounced and with a very sugary cake. She's been doing this most weeks since I lost 50 pounds. FML

by Anonymous / 03/13/2015 at 11:02am / United States / Health

Today, I was told that I need to learn to "let things go" by a woman who held a four-month grudge over a ham sandwich. FML

by NoHamForMeThanks / 03/08/2015 at 10:36pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous