Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

laden_swallow09

Offline (6 hours ago) | Search for a member

laden_swallow09

6Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 6705
  • Number of comments : 2139
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 12 posted

About laden_swallow09 : They updated the App, so I can read my hate mail! Yay!

I really wish I could take back my FYL or YDI votes, since I tend to miss the button I'm aiming for.

laden_swallow09's page activity

Visits<b>Purrrvana</b> - yesterday at 6:07am<b>boring_boredom</b> - yesterday at 1:13am<b>Plastinate</b> - yesterday at 6:31pm<b>lurker_no_more</b> - yesterday at 11:22am<b>addisonrose12</b> - the 10/28/2014 at 9:17am<b>gingerJ</b> - the 10/28/2014 at 8:34am<b>fmlloverlove</b> - the 10/28/2014 at 4:03am<b>Pwib</b> - the 10/28/2014 at 2:11am<b>enphinitie</b> - the 10/28/2014 at 2:09am<b>Googolman</b> - the 10/28/2014 at 12:42am<b>lilhurt</b> - the 10/27/2014 at 9:45pm<b>HCAnimeLover</b> - the 10/27/2014 at 8:52am<b>Zombinosh77</b> - the 10/27/2014 at 7:07am<b>Liamj774</b> - the 10/27/2014 at 6:57am<b>kadoka</b> - the 10/27/2014 at 2:42am<b>brando1983</b> - the 10/27/2014 at 1:56am<b>AnAlien123</b> - the 10/27/2014 at 1:19am<b>Zarniclopsindorf</b> - the 10/26/2014 at 11:11pm

Liked!<b>AKlife9999</b> - the 10/16/2014 at 3:35pm<b>swagmaster696969</b> - the 10/06/2014 at 7:24pm<b>jenamalone</b> - the 10/06/2014 at 5:17pm<b>okibi1</b> - the 10/05/2014 at 10:38pm<b>sarah5745</b> - the 10/05/2014 at 8:50pm<b>JayDay_123</b> - the 10/05/2014 at 6:01pm

laden_swallow09's FML badges

You sure know how to party?

You posted a comment on the 31st of December between 11pm and 1am. Happy New Year!

I’m your new creative director

You had to give your opinion on this new “piece” that the whole world is talking about.

The rules are the rules

Reading the comment rules is a really good idea. This badge is sponsored by our moderating team.

See all of laden_swallow09's badges

laden_swallow09's favorite FMLs

Today, my neighbor put up an electric fence to keep my five-year-old son out. FML

#20980679
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37478) - you deserved it (12731)

On 12/04/2013 at 5:29pm - kids - by Awkward - United States (Washington)

Today, I pulled over a speeding driver. I admit that I'd been hoping for this moment since I joined the police force; the moment a lady put her cleavage on display to get out of a ticket. Sadly, this lady was a senior citizen, and her breasts looked like two semi-deflated balloons. FML

#20977282
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44259) - you deserved it (19856)

On 12/01/2013 at 6:07pm - work - by fuck my eyeballs (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was proud when I started a confrontation with my best friend's brother because he is a sexist pig who treats women like crap. Six hours later my pride was gone: I made him an after-sex sandwich. FML

#20975509
100 comments

Today, my parents kicked me out of the house because they were having a party. They gave me twenty bucks to go see a movie. Well, the movie ended pretty quick, but the trauma of seeing my parents in a swingers' orgy will take some time getting over. FML

#20969815
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66971) - you deserved it (5567)

On 11/25/2013 at 1:16am - intimacy - by why god - United States (California)

Today, I discovered that my heart rate is higher while playing Tetris than it is during sex. FML

#20968767
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38190) - you deserved it (5863)

On 11/24/2013 at 7:30am - misc - by TetrisMaster - Australia

Today, I was taken to the principal's office and bitched out about the dangerous weapon I brought to school. The "weapon" was a pocket fan. FML

#20967061
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40063) - you deserved it (2798)

On 11/22/2013 at 4:57pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I had to explain to my pregnant friend that her plan to get drunk and get a tattoo needed to wait at least 8 months. She then went out for a smoke to calm down. FML

#20966742
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49728) - you deserved it (3757)

On 11/22/2013 at 9:49am - health - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I met a fellow Star Wars fan. We began enthusiastically talking about how almost no one our age knows the good old classics anymore. I was referring to the original trilogy; she was talking about the ones with Jar Jar Binks. FML

#20965369
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38028) - you deserved it (6377)

On 11/21/2013 at 1:00am - love - by StarWarsGeek (woman) - United States

Today, I was cussed out by a customer who was unhappy, and he asked to speak with my manager. When I told him I owned the store, he said that that was the problem. Apparently women are "too flaky" to run a bakery properly. FML

#20964215
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41660) - you deserved it (2726)

On 11/20/2013 at 2:59am - work - by bakingwomannnnnnnn (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I learned that no matter how much of a nerd a girl claims to be, she is not ready for you to speak Klingon during sex. FML

#20963971
249 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25771) - you deserved it (63728)

On 11/19/2013 at 10:42pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend and I were going to have sex. To set the mood, she suggested we watch a porno she once starred in. FML

#20963410
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56822) - you deserved it (8658)

On 11/19/2013 at 2:46pm - intimacy - by oops999 (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my cat has figured out that while I'm good at sleeping through her nagging in the early morning hours, I will unfailingly wake up for my baby. FML

Today, I turned 30. While all my friends are getting married, furthering careers and having children, I'm still sat around being as immature as I was as a teenager. I'm going through a classic case of premature age-jaculation. I laughed for 10 minutes after coming up with that. FML

Today, my mom bitched me out for still being single at age 19, and still not having started a family. She considers this "immoral," yet showed nothing but praise for my sister, who's pregnant at 15 and doesn't know which of three guys is the father. FML

#20960837
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57931) - you deserved it (2688)

On 11/17/2013 at 12:46pm - misc - by failed brood mare (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got an angry call to the phone shop where I work. The caller demanded that we give him his money back. His reason? He said he'd been tricked because his phone got ruined by water "even though he was using the waterproof application". FML

#20960536
71 comments


FML's blog

  • Krumla's Illustrated FML
  • It's Friday, so a bold font is required. I was sitting in my caravan by the side of busy road cooking cocktail sausages over a gas stove when I realised it was time to start writing something about this…

Friday 24 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: