Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

laden_swallow09

Online | Search for a member

laden_swallow09

19Fucked!

laden_swallow09laden_swallow09
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 10158
  • Number of comments : 2587
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 14 posted

About laden_swallow09 : They updated the App, so I can read my hate mail! Yay!

I really wish I could take back some of my FYL or YDI votes, since I tend to miss the button I'm aiming for.

I like to point out stupidity whenever I see it, but that's likely why you're here, innit?

Oh, yeah. I almost forgot…
HEIL, SPELLCHECK!

laden_swallow09's page activity

Visits<b>coleh1998</b> - yesterday at 12:36am<b>grajax</b> - yesterday at 11:57pm<b>AllKnowingTurtle</b> - yesterday at 11:49pm<b>Ghilliebro</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 9:38pm<b>Khepre</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 9:53am<b>jacky75</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 6:48am<b>aVindictiveWolf</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 4:37am<b>ihavenolifehaha</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 4:05am<b>Dick_diamond</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 1:57am<b>grogers311</b> - the 04/14/2015 at 8:43pm<b>VeryMuchDutch</b> - the 04/14/2015 at 10:03am<b>Zigstyle308</b> - the 04/12/2015 at 10:35am<b>Kazze</b> - the 04/10/2015 at 6:53pm<b>chidofrito</b> - the 04/07/2015 at 6:29am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 04/07/2015 at 12:30am<b>Azail</b> - the 04/05/2015 at 8:39pm<b>popsvb01</b> - the 04/05/2015 at 4:46pm<b>left285</b> - the 04/05/2015 at 2:46pm

Fucked!<b>Ghilliebro</b> - yesterday at 3:38am<b>Kazze</b> - the 04/11/2015 at 12:53am<b>Zigstyle308</b> - the 04/06/2015 at 11:18am<b>TheTrainKid</b> - the 03/22/2015 at 9:44pm<b>Ingalls9</b> - the 03/20/2015 at 10:04pm<b>csjc</b> - the 03/16/2015 at 5:47am<b>demonddm</b> - the 03/07/2015 at 2:39pm<b>ksks1234</b> - the 03/05/2015 at 7:03pm<b>ChoolyBooly</b> - the 03/01/2015 at 6:20am<b>Christine_Junmin</b> - the 02/23/2015 at 8:01pm<b>coraline123c</b> - the 02/18/2015 at 3:49am<b>buckdharma</b> - the 01/29/2015 at 7:07pm<b>AKlife9999</b> - the 10/16/2014 at 3:35pm<b>swagmaster696969</b> - the 10/06/2014 at 7:24pm<b>jenamalone</b> - the 10/06/2014 at 5:17pm<b>okibi1</b> - the 10/05/2014 at 10:38pm<b>sarah5745</b> - the 10/05/2014 at 8:50pm<b>JayDay_123</b> - the 10/05/2014 at 6:01pm

laden_swallow09's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

What'cha looking at?

You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

See all of laden_swallow09's badges

laden_swallow09's favorite FMLs

Today, I got banned from my favourite online video game for calling a person on my team a "Baked Potato". FML

Today, my son invited me to his first standup comedy gig. I accepted, only to later suffer through an hour of the worst jokes I've heard in my entire life. It was so bad, he made Dane Cook look like a comic genius, and I had to resist heckling him. Hours later, I still feel vaguely suicidal. FML

#21392908
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24115) - you deserved it (4730)

On 04/13/2015 at 11:23am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I went on a blind date at a restaurant. While looking at the menu, my date said "Who even likes kweetch? Gross." When I realized she was trying to say "quiche", I corrected her. That pissed her off. Now I'm at home, alone, trying to decide which hand is going to keep me company tonight. FML

#21392355
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26978) - you deserved it (5748)

On 04/12/2015 at 1:00pm - intimacy - by left, I guess (man) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, my family checked into a hotel for spring break. The first thing my brother did was steal all the bars of soap and bottles of shampoo. He's now guarding them, and hissing at anyone that tries to take them. I just want to take a shower. FML

#21392089
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25325) - you deserved it (2459)

On 04/11/2015 at 11:05pm - kids - by ShampooThief - United States

Today, I found out that my family and friends all laugh and compare me to Spongebob behind my back. Why? Because I'm 37 and still can't pass my driver's test. FML

#21391668
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26696) - you deserved it (15650)

On 04/11/2015 at 3:56am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, a guy tried to carjack me. Good news: I drive a stick shift, and the idiot apparently couldn't, so I still have my car. Bad news: he was so angry, he beat the shit out of me. I had to get stitches, and now I look like I went on a date with Chris Brown. FML

#21391293
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29845) - you deserved it (2103)

On 04/10/2015 at 2:04pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, while walking my dog, I opened my mouth to yawn. A wasp took the opportunity to fly into my mouth and announce its presence by stinging my tongue. FML

Today, someone lost a support beam on the highway. My car found it. FML

Today, I went to the gun range for a birthday and got shot in the foot by my mom. FML

#21390121
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29027) - you deserved it (3701)

On 04/08/2015 at 5:17pm - misc - by Notre_Dame_714 - United States

Today, I found out I wasn't invited to the annual family reunion. The reason? Everyone thinks I'm "creepy" because I'm the only adult who will go out and play with the kids. FML

#21387157
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28730) - you deserved it (2114)

On 04/03/2015 at 7:00pm - misc - by big_bail (man) - United States (California)

Today, I explained to my sister that the reason she isn't getting job offers is probably because her résumé is in Comic Sans and contains TXT language and a lot of typos. She thanked me for my help by calling me a "clueless horse-fucker" and telling me to shut my mouth. FML

#21387066
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26760) - you deserved it (2006)

On 04/03/2015 at 2:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my internet was out and wasn't due to be fixed until at least Tuesday. I'm a grad student with a lot of online research to do and deadlines to meet, so I desperately bought an expensive and non-returnable portable wifi hub. An hour ago, the internet came back on. FML

#21386971
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26573) - you deserved it (5339)

On 04/03/2015 at 11:08am - work - by WiFucked (woman) - United Kingdom (Durham)

Today, I was let go from my internship for "not putting in enough effort". I was working 50 hours a week for almost zero pay. FML

#21386456
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30330) - you deserved it (2267)

On 04/02/2015 at 10:48am - work - by Wellfu (woman) - Europe

Today, my husband was involved in a horrible series of accidents; he repeatedly slipped and fell into my best friend's vagina. FML

#21382840
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43604) - you deserved it (2939)

On 03/28/2015 at 5:20am - intimacy - by soontobewidow (woman) - Turkey (Istanbul)

Today, my pyromaniac sister somehow got her hands on my dad's lighter and set my bed sheets on fire. My dad said I must have provoked her, and that she can't be blamed for her mental condition. So now I'm grounded, and she has a new doll house to calm her down. FML

#21382751
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31039) - you deserved it (1961)

On 03/28/2015 at 12:39am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Alabama)



FML's blog

  • Elaillce's illustrated FML
  • So, did you catch the game this week? You know, the one with the ball, the scoring and all that stuff. Isn't that how you're supposed to talk to people? OK, I know nothing about sports and teams, but I…

Friday 17 April 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: