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About l23VIVE : Guten Tag! Hallå! Hello! I am Calvin, I'm single (not that you care), I love history, swimming, reading, A Song of Ice and Fire, Doctor Who (Specifically David Tennant), hugging random people, FML, Assassin's Creed, Skyrim, Civilization V, and Germany.
My gamertag is L23VIVE, add me if you wantMy favorite FMLers- NoorFML (acknowledged my existence 8/12/12) , DocBastard, Perdix (acknowledged my existence 8/12/12) Baustigt (acknowledged my existence 6/17/13), ManintheMachine
I invented the TARDIS, sex, the cake (IT'S A LIE), Chuck Norris, Jon Snow, Lemon Grenades, the Sonic Screwdriver, the Roman Empire, Green Day, the Soviet Union, the Panzerkampfwagen V, Hydrogen, Dragons, Yoda, the color blue, Milk Duds, Gordon Freeman, FML, Carbon, Daleks, The Droids you're looking for and the Xbox 360
My email is email@example.com
Allons-y! Oh, and brace yourselves... Winter is Coming...
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An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
Brandon may have an FML, but he ended up marrying Jessica. You found this out by reading “FML, the follow up.”
Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML
Today, my best friend was throwing me my bachelorette partly. A cop came by and said there have been complaints about the noise. Thinking he was the stripper we ordered, we pulled him into the house. He was an actual cop. FML
Today, I took an incredibly painful dump. After I cleaned myself up, I got up and was about to flush, until I saw something moving around in one of the logs of poop. It looked like an earthworm. It wasn't there when I sat down. FML
Today, I picked my 12-year-old daughter up from school after her first sexual education lecture. She burst into tears on the way home explaining her fears of being pregnant with her boyfriend's child. As if that doesn't sound bad enough, I've met her boyfriend before. He is imaginary. FML
Today, the Chinese student I've been teaching English to got on stage in front of hundreds of people to read her final essay. She ended with, "What a fucking day." I don't swear, and I no longer have a job. FML
Today, I woke up to my husband taking a piss on our bedroom floor. I screamed that he wasn't in the bathroom, to which he responded, "Shut up! I'm taking a piss, let me finish!" He has no recollection of the event. Now I have to clean up his piss and rewash my clothes. FML
Today, I was babysitting, and after the kids fell asleep I started hiding the Easter candy. They woke up when I was half-done, and it didn't take them long to figure out what was going on. They won't stop crying, and every time I go near them, they scream "LIAR!" FML
Today, I came home in tears over finding out my boyfriend has been cheating on me. I told my seemingly sympathetic dad everything. His advice was to lure them both to our house with the promise of a three-way, after which he'd "kill the shit" out of them. Real mature, dad. FML
Today, I was feeling sick and fainted while teaching my kindergarten class. I came to when one boy poured a cup of water on my face. Three kids were crying into my walkie talkie telling the office I was dead, and the rest of the class had disappeared. FML
Today, my grandson visited me, and asked if I had any pictures of myself from when I was a little girl. I happily looked for a few photos to give him, asking what had piqued his curiosity. He replied that he wanted some for a presentation he's doing on the Middle Ages. FML
Today, my psycho abstinence-only sex ed teacher claimed condoms give 50% protection at most against pregnancy. I couldn't help but correct her. She apologized for her "mistake", saying, "It's just that we're not ALL sluts, Kara." Now everyone thinks I'm a raging whore. FML
Wednesday 13 August 2014