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Today, my husband sent me a text before heading home from work. All it said was, "Need a fuck. Backed up to hell. You're about to shower face first in a fire hydrant." Love you too, hun. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22389) - you deserved it (3265)
On 01/18/2013 at 3:59pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my girlfriend came back from visiting her family. She'd forgotten to take her pills, and decided to "catch up" by taking almost a week's worth of birth control and prescription pills. She's fine, but I had to convince the ER staff that she's not suicidal, just stupid. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33658) - you deserved it (2885)
On 01/16/2013 at 1:26pm - health - by SF49 - United States
Today, I waited over an hour for my bus. As I finally saw it approaching, I reached into my purse to grab my ticket. The lady next to me then gave the driver a hand signal to keep driving. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27188) - you deserved it (1932)
On 01/10/2013 at 1:13am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I discovered after 11 months, my girlfriend is finally ready to have sex. I discovered this by walking in on her and one of my friends. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49460) - you deserved it (2980)
On 01/08/2013 at 2:56pm - love - by finallyready (man) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)
Today, I woke up to a disappointed boyfriend. He told me he spent an hour last night farting on my pillow to see if I would wake up with pink-eye. He's 23 years old. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18141) - you deserved it (2047)
On 11/20/2012 at 12:23pm - love - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I was pulled over. The cop stated that he "couldn't see" me because I had "blended in with the dark car background", and that it looked like no one was driving. I was literally pulled over for being black. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36704) - you deserved it (2910)
On 09/12/2012 at 3:00am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I returned home to my parents' house, drunk. Hungry, I grabbed a slice of bread and some butter and took two mouthfuls. Five hours later, my mother woke me up and dragged me to the kitchen. In the middle of the table was a buttered, half-eaten sponge. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8860) - you deserved it (31271)
Today, I was in the hospital with rib injuries after being rear-ended by a truck. The doc said, "Well, you'll probably feel like you've been hit by a truck for a while." Everyone laughed, except me. When I said he was being insensitive, he replied, "Calm down, I'm just ribbing you." FML
I agree, your life sucks (11056) - you deserved it (19405)
On 05/16/2012 at 6:29pm - health - by ...... (man) - United States
Today, my mom was put in jail for beating the shit out of my dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28960) - you deserved it (1909)
On 03/17/2012 at 12:53am - misc - by Taylor Easley - United States (California)
Today, I choked on a gummy bear and ended up in the emergency room. The first thing the doctor said to me was, "Well, that must have been 'beary' uncomfortable." The entire room burst into laughter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19971) - you deserved it (6933)
On 03/05/2012 at 7:43pm - health - by Kayla - United States
Today, our rodent problem was taken care of. I discovered this when my cat projectile-vomited a soggy, death-scented wad of dark fur and tiny organs onto the couch. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17617) - you deserved it (1795)
On 01/28/2012 at 10:46am - animals - by tannarox - United States (California)
Today, I was cooking with super hot ghost peppers. The package said "After handling them not to touch your eyes, nose or pets". They should've added "penis" to that list. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9841) - you deserved it (48746)
On 01/06/2012 at 9:22pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when he suddenly pulls out and says, "Pull my penis." So I pulled his penis and he farted. Then he started doing it again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29470) - you deserved it (5253)
On 11/16/2011 at 12:27am - intimacy - by halloweed (woman) - United States (California)
Today, after receiving the third call this week from teachers about my son falling asleep in class, I decided that it would be a good idea to hide his Xbox controllers. He decided it would be a good idea to hide my diabetes medication. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38141) - you deserved it (13514)
On 04/16/2011 at 8:35am - health - by bbedlock (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I decided to go down on my girlfriend. In the midst of her orgasm, she grabbed my head with her legs, performing a submission most UFC fighters could be proud of, and she held on for so long that I was suffocated. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31876) - you deserved it (7661)
On 03/30/2011 at 12:43am - intimacy - by kingpin7 - United States
Monday 17 June 2013
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