Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

kyleengelhardt

Offline (the 04/01/2015 at 5:04pm) | Search for a member

kyleengelhardt

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 936
  • Number of comments : 4
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

kyleengelhardt's page activity

Visits<b>hoffmanam</b> - the 01/29/2013 at 7:29pm<b>Smartdumbblonde</b> - the 01/13/2013 at 10:40pm<b>Dub_Luv</b> - the 01/08/2013 at 10:33pm

kyleengelhardt's FML badges

Profile completed

You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

kyleengelhardt's favorite FMLs

Today, my mom was acting really pissy, and I couldn't help but mutter that she must be on her period. Five hours later, I'm glued to the toilet with my phone, because she went all out for revenge and spiked my dinner with some hellishly potent kind of laxative. FML

#20917903
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42602) - you deserved it (24058)

On 10/12/2013 at 6:03pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Iceland (Borgarfjardarsysla)

Today, I learned that my parrots now can shit horizontally when I found the wall next to the cage covered in feces. FML

Today, I was buying ingredients for a salad. I had only picked up a few cucumbers, when an elderly lady came up to me and murmured, "Make sure you use lots of lube, or that'll hurt. Been there, sweetheart." What the HELL? FML

#20817265
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56982) - you deserved it (5529)

On 08/02/2013 at 4:23pm - misc - by um... what the fuck, miss? (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my husband wanted to try anal for the first time. His attempt to sound romantic was him saying, "Open your buns, the meat is ready." FML

#20767385
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55228) - you deserved it (7767)

On 07/06/2013 at 5:21pm - intimacy - by hamburger - United States (Michigan)

Today, my daughter had ice cream while I was napping. She didn't want me to know so she put the bowl in the trashcan and put the spoon in the garbage disposal and turned it on, because she thought it would make the spoon disappear. FML

#20730678
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43344) - you deserved it (5368)

On 06/17/2013 at 12:33am - kids - by cherbear1000 - United States (Maryland)

Today, I witnessed a large woman pee on a pregnancy test in the middle of a Walmart parking lot, clean herself off, then wander around with the test hanging out of her mouth, waiting for her result. Where in the name of Christ do these people come from? FML

#20701323
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69643) - you deserved it (4261)

On 06/02/2013 at 2:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, the doorbell rang. I saw my incredibly overbearing mum's car outside, so I stayed quiet and tried to sneak upstairs. As I crawled through the hallway, commando style, I realised the door blinds were still out for cleaning. If scowls could kill, I'd be roasting in Hell right now. FML

#20694934
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39361) - you deserved it (9758)

On 05/30/2013 at 8:40am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my step-dad was talking about how he was raised in Las Vegas, telling stories about him and his buddies, until he stopped, looked right at my mom and said, "Find her, feed her, f*ck her, forget her. But I never forgot your mom, that's how I stole her from your dad." FML

#20687932
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54090) - you deserved it (3724)

On 05/26/2013 at 7:20pm - intimacy - by MsAnonymous17 (woman) - United States

Today, my uncle drove to my house in his tractor, beer in one hand, and a radio strapped to the dash blasting country music at unimaginable volume. Neither of us live on a farm. Half the neighborhood stood angrily glaring at us until we went inside. FML

#20684256
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38874) - you deserved it (4237)

On 05/24/2013 at 6:48pm - misc - by unwilling redneck - United States

Today, I got a mosquito bite on my chest. Due to a severe allergic reaction it has swollen my left breast a cup size. The first thing my boyfriend said was, "Hey look! I can finally see one of them." FML

#20667435
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61346) - you deserved it (6017)

On 05/16/2013 at 5:36pm - intimacy - by Urgghh (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my wife shaved her pubic hair so that it resembles Hitler's mustache. She won't stop referring to it as "the Clitler". FML

#20637691
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60630) - you deserved it (9161)

On 05/02/2013 at 8:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, things got pretty steamy between my boyfriend and me. We started doing stuff that neither of us had tried before. Then, he straddled me with a raging erection and boomed, "IT HAS RISEN!" He didn't understand why I was suddenly no longer in the mood. FML

#20623610
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46966) - you deserved it (9331)

On 04/26/2013 at 6:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my new landlord and lettings agent made an illegal entry into my house. Unfortunately, at the time my boyfriend was buck naked, smoking a joint on the sofa, surrounded by the cats we aren't supposed to have. FML

#20620173
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29546) - you deserved it (43448)

On 04/25/2013 at 2:28am - misc - by goingtobeevicted - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, at work at a farm, we got a new calf. It looked like it had to poop, but was having difficulty. About four hours later it still hadn't pooped. Turns out it was born without an actual butthole. It was there, just sealed up by skin. I literally had to cut this poor calf a new butthole. FML

#20617044
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (83163) - you deserved it (4349)

On 04/23/2013 at 10:01pm - animals - by halliemarie1818 - United States



FML's blog

  • FML's Question Time #2: School
  • We tried this before and it went pretty well, so here's another blog section for everyone to have give their opinion on a popular but controversial subject. OK, we're not debating a…

Thursday 23 April 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: