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kyleengelhardt

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kyleengelhardt
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  • Number of visits : 281
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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kyleengelhardt's favorite FMLs

Today, my 6-year-old son spotted a bumper sticker that said, "Get any closer and I'll fart." He thought this was so hilarious that he had to repeat it to everyone he met. Including my doctor, my grandma, and my boss at "bring your kid to work day." FML

#20682342
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35317) - you deserved it (4687)

On 05/23/2013 at 6:48pm - kids - by Mary (woman) - United States

Today, I got a mosquito bite on my chest. Due to a severe allergic reaction it has swollen my left breast a cup size. The first thing my boyfriend said was, "Hey look! I can finally see one of them." FML

#20667435
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54067) - you deserved it (5265)

On 05/16/2013 at 5:36pm - intimacy - by Urgghh (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my wife shaved her pubic hair so that it resembles Hitler's mustache. She won't stop referring to it as "the Clitler". FML

#20637691
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58160) - you deserved it (8823)

On 05/02/2013 at 8:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, things got pretty steamy between my boyfriend and me. We started doing stuff that neither of us had tried before. Then, he straddled me with a raging erection and boomed, "IT HAS RISEN!" He didn't understand why I was suddenly no longer in the mood. FML

#20623610
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41550) - you deserved it (8508)

On 04/26/2013 at 6:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my new landlord and lettings agent made an illegal entry into my house. Unfortunately, at the time my boyfriend was buck naked, smoking a joint on the sofa, surrounded by the cats we aren't supposed to have. FML

#20620173
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27108) - you deserved it (39687)

On 04/25/2013 at 2:28am - misc - by goingtobeevicted - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, at work at a farm, we got a new calf. It looked like it had to poop, but was having difficulty. About four hours later it still hadn't pooped. Turns out it was born without an actual butthole. It was there, just sealed up by skin. I literally had to cut this poor calf a new butthole. FML

#20617044
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72276) - you deserved it (3137)

On 04/23/2013 at 10:01pm - animals - by halliemarie1818 - United States

Today, my mum asked me, "Shouldn't you be cleaning your room?" On impulse, I replied, "Shouldn't you be in the kitchen?" I've never been hit so hard in my life. FML

#20612550
270 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31108) - you deserved it (105769)

On 04/22/2013 at 3:19am - misc - by Anon - Singapore

Today, at the exact moment that I leaned over to show my dad a picture on my phone, my boyfriend texted me: "I'm no weather man, but you can expect a few inches tonight." FML

#20598564
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60081) - you deserved it (11289)

On 04/17/2013 at 1:39am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I played Call of Duty with my new flatmate. He continuously lost and was outraged that a girl beat him. It resulted in him shouting at me, claiming that since I'm Muslim, I must be part of the Taliban, which would explain my gaming skills. FML

#20584680
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41275) - you deserved it (5012)

On 04/11/2013 at 5:11am - misc - by zahra_786 (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I was driving home from a friend's house after a night of partying. Suddenly, I had to poop worse than I ever had to in my entire life. The pain was so bad I had to pull over and pretend to be checking my tires while I let out the entire contents of my bowels onto the road. FML

#20579905
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30231) - you deserved it (6122)

On 04/07/2013 at 9:47pm - health - by poopy pants - United States (Minnesota)

Today, while working in childcare, we went to a farm so the kids could see how things worked. They started showing off prize winning cattle and when they bought out "Miss Stacey", the kids lost their shit. My name is Miss Stacey. FML

#20550321
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30401) - you deserved it (2656)

On 03/19/2013 at 1:00am - work - by seriously! - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, one of my elderly swimming students ran into me at Walmart. Being a polite teenager, I said hi to him. He looked at me surprised and said, "Oh dear! I didn't recognize you with your clothes on!" I'll never forget the look on his wife's face. FML

#20536627
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35867) - you deserved it (2748)

On 03/09/2013 at 2:02am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, I'm 8 months pregnant with a horribly sore back and an insensitive husband. I'm so desperate for relief that I'm lying on the couch, using my vibrator to give myself a back massage. FML

#20523063
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28272) - you deserved it (3076)

On 02/26/2013 at 2:11pm - misc - by guyssuck (woman) - Canada (Northwest Territories)

Today, I gave birth to my daughter in a hospital corridor. The nurse who took me to my room afterward tried to comfort me by saying there've been worse incidents; she said that two years ago, a lady gave birth in the parking lot. That was me too. FML

#20521872
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47779) - you deserved it (3180) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/25/2013 at 2:47pm - health - by laprochainefoisjerestealamaison (woman) - France (Languedoc-Roussillon)



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