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kyleengelhardt

Offline (the 09/07/2014 at 5:57am) | Search for a member

kyleengelhardt

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  • Number of visits : 435
  • Number of comments : 4
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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kyleengelhardt's page activity

Visits<b>hoffmanam</b> - the 01/29/2013 at 7:29pm<b>Smartdumbblonde</b> - the 01/13/2013 at 10:40pm<b>Dub_Luv</b> - the 01/08/2013 at 10:33pm

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kyleengelhardt's favorite FMLs

Today, I witnessed a large woman pee on a pregnancy test in the middle of a Walmart parking lot, clean herself off, then wander around with the test hanging out of her mouth, waiting for her result. Where in the name of Christ do these people come from? FML

#20701323
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68033) - you deserved it (4151)

On 06/02/2013 at 2:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, the doorbell rang. I saw my incredibly overbearing mum's car outside, so I stayed quiet and tried to sneak upstairs. As I crawled through the hallway, commando style, I realised the door blinds were still out for cleaning. If scowls could kill, I'd be roasting in Hell right now. FML

#20694934
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39158) - you deserved it (9728)

On 05/30/2013 at 8:40am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my step-dad was talking about how he was raised in Las Vegas, telling stories about him and his buddies, until he stopped, looked right at my mom and said, "Find her, feed her, f*ck her, forget her. But I never forgot your mom, that's how I stole her from your dad." FML

#20687932
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52586) - you deserved it (3583)

On 05/26/2013 at 7:20pm - intimacy - by MsAnonymous17 (woman) - United States

Today, my uncle drove to my house in his tractor, beer in one hand, and a radio strapped to the dash blasting country music at unimaginable volume. Neither of us live on a farm. Half the neighborhood stood angrily glaring at us until we went inside. FML

#20684256
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37475) - you deserved it (4095)

On 05/24/2013 at 6:48pm - misc - by unwilling redneck - United States

Today, I got a mosquito bite on my chest. Due to a severe allergic reaction it has swollen my left breast a cup size. The first thing my boyfriend said was, "Hey look! I can finally see one of them." FML

#20667435
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59026) - you deserved it (5782)

On 05/16/2013 at 5:36pm - intimacy - by Urgghh (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my wife shaved her pubic hair so that it resembles Hitler's mustache. She won't stop referring to it as "the Clitler". FML

#20637691
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60456) - you deserved it (9135)

On 05/02/2013 at 8:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, things got pretty steamy between my boyfriend and me. We started doing stuff that neither of us had tried before. Then, he straddled me with a raging erection and boomed, "IT HAS RISEN!" He didn't understand why I was suddenly no longer in the mood. FML

#20623610
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45982) - you deserved it (9199)

On 04/26/2013 at 6:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my new landlord and lettings agent made an illegal entry into my house. Unfortunately, at the time my boyfriend was buck naked, smoking a joint on the sofa, surrounded by the cats we aren't supposed to have. FML

#20620173
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29097) - you deserved it (42788)

On 04/25/2013 at 2:28am - misc - by goingtobeevicted - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, at work at a farm, we got a new calf. It looked like it had to poop, but was having difficulty. About four hours later it still hadn't pooped. Turns out it was born without an actual butthole. It was there, just sealed up by skin. I literally had to cut this poor calf a new butthole. FML

#20617044
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79520) - you deserved it (4085)

On 04/23/2013 at 10:01pm - animals - by halliemarie1818 - United States

Today, my mum asked me, "Shouldn't you be cleaning your room?" On impulse, I replied, "Shouldn't you be in the kitchen?" I've never been hit so hard in my life. FML

#20612550
270 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32688) - you deserved it (111782)

On 04/22/2013 at 3:19am - misc - by Anon - Singapore

Today, at the exact moment that I leaned over to show my dad a picture on my phone, my boyfriend texted me: "I'm no weather man, but you can expect a few inches tonight." FML

#20598564
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65701) - you deserved it (12625)

On 04/17/2013 at 1:39am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I played Call of Duty with my new flatmate. He continuously lost and was outraged that a girl beat him. It resulted in him shouting at me, claiming that since I'm Muslim, I must be part of the Taliban, which would explain my gaming skills. FML

#20584680
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44007) - you deserved it (8328)

On 04/11/2013 at 5:11am - misc - by zahra_786 (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I was driving home from a friend's house after a night of partying. Suddenly, I had to poop worse than I ever had to in my entire life. The pain was so bad I had to pull over and pretend to be checking my tires while I let out the entire contents of my bowels onto the road. FML

#20579905
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34953) - you deserved it (7997)

On 04/07/2013 at 9:47pm - health - by poopy pants - United States (Minnesota)

Today, while working in childcare, we went to a farm so the kids could see how things worked. They started showing off prize winning cattle and when they bought out "Miss Stacey", the kids lost their shit. My name is Miss Stacey. FML

#20550321
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31852) - you deserved it (2800)

On 03/19/2013 at 1:00am - work - by seriously! - Australia (New South Wales)



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